To think some people on here make too many excuses for parents feeding their kids unhealthy food to the point they become overweight or even obese?

[Giselle374]

I know a lot people are in really difficult situations financially, and the country overall has become harder and harder due to COL.

But I feel uneasy with the way some posts on this seem to imply that being in a hard financial position means unhealthy food almost can't be avoided.

People usually choose to have children, and food is a basic thing. If you didn't wash your child, or clothe them as best as you could, would that be similarly excusable? Arguably food is more important than many other potential areas since cancer and other illnesses are a very real danger if kids are overweight or obese young.

My mother had financial difficulties when I was young: she was a single parent and on minimum wage, and she hated cooking, ate very badly before I was born. But she ensured her meals (porridge, fish, eggs, veg based mostly) were healthy even if they were plain. I was barely ever allowed sugary or processed food. That's one of the things I'm most grateful for.

I do understand families in a depressing situation with few things for the kids to enjoy use food as something enjoyable sometimes
..areas need more resources, green space, libraries etc .

This isn't to deny the challenges of feeding kids healthily. But I think some posts on here lean too far to taking responsibility from the parents,,and I don't think that's helpful.

Why? How will the problem be solved if we aren't allowed to discuss it?

My mother "spoiled" my sister and me with food when we were little, in the 1970s and 1980s. We were constantly plied with treats. I think that being fat was almost unimaginable to her, it just didn't exist in her generation or family. I managed to lose extra weight as a teen but my sister had it much harder, spent all of her life yo-yoing.

In contrast, my own children are athletic and slim. I never had to ban any food, hide biscuits or whatever, but I have also never given many "treats" outside meals, don't go to fast food restaurants etc. We have home cooked meals, and good nutrition overall but also always icecream in the freezer and often baking in tins. They just don't ever over eat; my son in particular likes new foods and flavors but will never eat massive portions.

This.

We have rising rates of cancer among the young. We are second or third generation since the introduction of convenience foods in the fifties, and it is damaging the health of the general population. Not just obesity but cancer, weak immune systems and serious vitamin deficiencies.
I'm an older single mum on a budget. I work full time but I cook from scratch,. Following a cancer diagnosis a few years ago, I take NHS advice to optimise my immune system by eating 30 different fruit & veg a week. I ensure ds is offered the same.

Talking to a colleague recently she couldn't name 30 different veg. Her go-to veg are frozen peas and frozen sweetcorn. She'd never even thought about nutritional value, and that is where our education system falls down.
No-one taught me to cook cheap, healthy fast food. No-one taught me the beneficiL properties of porridge oats or different veg.or the risks of high cholesterol meats or excess sugar.
As a society, we aren't teaching our dcs how to stay healthy and that needs to change.

OP @Giselle374 if people find it hard to keep their own weight down, and given families tend to have the same eating habits and lifestyle, how likely is it do you think that their kids will also be overweight?

Giving you the credit that you want a meaningful debate and are not just here to slag people off, more than two thirds of adults are overweight, it's the majority of the population. Don't you think there may be something going on, on a society level, that makes it a lot more difficult to be slim than overweight?

It’s the food environment. That’s what’s changed. Yes there are crap parents but I’d be surprised if there are more crap parents now than 50 years ago.

Well YANBU, in that the UK has a serious issue with childhood overweight and obesity, which will to an extent be represented on this site...whether its helpful to blame individuals is another matter. I work in public health and I'm much much stricter about UPF than most of this site - I'm sure I'll be accused of being an almond mum or giving my children an ED, but I grew up without any of this stuff, and as a result, don't eat it and am slim with no ED. Then again, I don't yet have any children old enough to be affected by relentless advertising/"treats" when out/at activities. I don't know. I don't really think its okay to be giving children pop tarts and findus pancakes (showing my age) or that "fed is best" regardless. To be totally honest, I do think its bad parenting. Its also true that most parents don't recognise an overweight child, only an obese one. But people really are swimming upstream, COL is real, and the only real answer is government regulation, which I'm increasingly pessimistic about.

This thread makes me so sad.

I have an under 5 DC who was born on the 98th centile. My DH side of the family are huge people, I don't mean they're all fat, I mean they are just big people- broad shoulders, huge feet, giant heads and elbows, bone structure is just big, very dense heavy people.

My DC is under 5, and still on the 98th centile. I have always prioritised healthy home cooked food, healthy carefully balanced meals, lots of effort going into creative fun forms of exercise every day, 30 mins tv time a day, snack time is mostly fruit and veg. DC has a better diet than any other kid the same age I know, there's nothing processed or easy. I've been and checked appropriate portion sizes, they're eating appropriate size meals.

DC is absolutely healthy, and absolutely on the 98th centile for weight. I'm absolutely certain this is not a result of lifestyle factors.

And the idea that DC is going to go off into the world and face this kind of judgment makes me so so sad.

The most wonderful, loving child and they're going to be judged as a lazy slob by society based purely on physical appearance.

I honestly hate you all for thinking this way.

I'm a very small person, size 6. My other DC is tall and thin. It's just so bloody easy to think if a child is big it's something someone has done wrong.

There are plenty of very thin children who eat absolute rubbish and watch too much TV.

I think it's an uncomfortable truth that doesn't fit the narrative that physical appearance doesn't always correlate to lifestyle and blame.

People come in all shapes and sizes.

As a pp mentioned all the unnecessary junk available in petrol stations alone is a bit of a horror story. I don't know why more and more absolute crap is available for buying now when levels of obesity are so high already. All the fast food and dessert Parlours aren't paying their share of tax to cover costs in the NHS like buying cigarettes does.

Absolutely agree with you as well @Question7 genes do make a difference and yes there are many things waify kids eating junk too.

I think if I'm really honest then before I had my DC I probably thought this way too.

Everyone in my family is tall and thin, very small bone structure. We're all near the low end of healthy weight range.

I'm very active, sports, marathons, hiking. My Mum gave us home cooked meals, we didn't eat crap. I don't think I thought about it much but I probably did assume everyone who was big was greedy and lazy

But I know that both my DC have come from a very active family who eat home cooked meals, don't watch TV, have very active healthy lifestyles.

One looks like me, the other my husband.

@Question7 what centile was your child born on for height and what are they on now?

The weight centile by itself is irrelevant. You need to look at it compared with height. If your child is above average weight but average height then yes, they are overweight regardless of their “frame”. Your DC will be weighed and measured in reception and you will be told their BMI.

My kids were both born over 90th centile weight. Now at 8 and 5 they are around 85th for weight but crucially the same for height - this gives them a bmi of 50th centile - ie they are average weight for their heights/in proportion. They look slim - you can see their ribs etc.

I’m not saying you’re wrong about your DC but there’s just not enough info in your post to say. NB people do gain weight differently so the fact that one sibling is slim doesn’t mean that adjustments don’t need to be made for another sibling. Some people are more genetically predisposed to type 2 diabetes than others, for example. My sister doesn’t have pcos but I do, which means I need to be much more careful with sugar than she does.

I agree completely.

I Have an almost 2 year old and he’s never had any processed sugar such as sweets / chocolate/ biscuits or treats because he doesn’t understand it and doesn’t ask, so isn’t missing out.

EVERYONE thinks I’m unfair. Nursery pack up birthday cake into his bag, they ask me again every event, at Christmas they said he may feel left out. Nope, he doesn’t give a shit. We eat chocolate around him but it’s for older children and adults so he doesn’t care for it. Same way as he doesn’t want my glass of wine. He is happy with his raspberries and yoghurt.

We have been campaigning against a KFC coming to our area. There was about 4:1 Objections to Support, and many of the grounds for objection due to the country's obesity crisis.

Our objection to the LA was on the grounds of obesity, but also that once a precedent is set for a global brand like KFC in our area, that's the floodgates opened to Makky D etc.

we must all keep reminding local authorities that if they approve such planning projects they are going against the government's policies on trying to control obesity. What's the point of imposing a sugar tax at government level if the LAs approve fast food, it's ludicrous.

decision about KFC is due to be made next week, it will be appalling if they approve it after the 4:1 ratio of Objections, but I have zero faith, they are all about generating income for the local area, even if at the cost of health.

I think there’s a lot factors now:

People are time poor, a lot of families have both parents working so it’s easier to just whack a pizza in the oven. No meal planning needed either. Definitely not cheaper as PP say but definitely quicker and easier.

Time poor also means so many DC (mine included) get driven to school because their parents are off to work afterwards. When I was at school there was a handful of kids being driven, the rest of us walked. Also so many parents don’t allow their DC any independence so there’s still 13 year olds being driven to school in case the boogeyman gets them. They aren’t allowed to play out on their bikes after school etc, they are all sat inside.

Kids do soooo many clubs now that a lot of families don’t get the time to cook and sit and eat. A lot of my DCs friends have a packed tea between clubs.

There is a lot of information out there. I mean I know most people know about UPFs but there’s so much 5 a day/10 a day/30 a week/Xg of protein/only 1g of salt type info that it can get quite overwhelming to know what the guidance actually is.

I do get frustrated at the parents at pick up though with the bags of haribo or biscuits that their DC come out of school asking about before they’ve even said hello. Those are overweight but the parents just say they are stocky/built like a rugby player etc.

I’m on the fence. Look, it isn’t ideal to feed your kids junk obviously but I think with obesity it isn’t necessarily what they’re eating but how much of it and also how little they move around. My mum was a busy working mum but she’s also a shit cook and so we grew up on junk food- freezer meals most nights with the exception of Sunday when she’d make a roast, lots of junk food snacks etc. We were not overweight but we also moved around a lot (played out constantly) and I wouldn’t say we ate excessively.

My 5 yo has SEN and he will only really eat junk food if you like. The healthiest food items he eats are Babybels, arla growing up milk, innocent smoothies, bear yo-yos, milk roll and Nakd bars. None of that is ideal but it’s calories with some vitamins. He will not eat fruit or vegetables and yes I have tried tricking him many, many times with sauces and soups etc and I keep trying. He isn’t stupid and is well aware when something is in it that shouldn’t be. I worry about it but every day I’m just happy when he’s eaten enough calories tbh. He also isn’t overweight, he’s very slim in fact.

The “Fed is best” brigade will arrive soon, claiming all parenting is equal.

Some people are good parents, some are ok, some are crap. Feeding your child a healthy diet should be a basic task, it’s neglect to allow your child to become obese.

Obesity levels in children map in line with deprivation: : Children in the most deprived areas are significantly more likely to be obese. In Year 6, over 30% of children in the most deprived areas are obese compared to 13.1% in the least deprived areas.
(NHS 2023/24 figures)
I’m guessing that the withdrawal of Surestart and other initiatives supporting young parents has some impact. And as others have said the prevalence of cheap take away and upf in diets is fueling a clear upward trend.
Poor kids though, their health will be impacted long term as will the strain on public health services.

Don’t feed them ultra processed food . I do let my children have some sugar but, for example, I’ve never bought them Pringles or a Kristy kreme donut. Don’t buy those things out and don’t have them in the house.

This is true in my area. My DCs state primary is in a very affluent area in London (which we don’t live in fyi - just scraped in on distance in a low birth year) and it is striking that there are really no overweight children and it’s a large 3 form entry school. This doesn’t seem to reflect the average child in East London based on what we see in the park/on days out etc.

I think we’re afraid of expecting parents to make an effort, and we don’t judge when they can’t be arsed. The numbers of obese children are such that it can’t be hand waved away as only (I’m paraphrasing) “poor people who can’t be expected to do better”. Fat kids are just as likely to be getting out of an BMW X5 as a knackered old Corsa.

Yes, it’s a ballache having to think about what to eat and cook. Many such ballaches exist in parenting, but here we are. And some parents can afford to he organic veg boxes delivered to their door or a nanny who makes delicious home cooked meals. So what? Twas ever thus.

Also - it has never been easier to eat well with supermarkets and the internet. If you can use Facebook or Instagram, the only thing stopping you educating yourself is your own ignorance and will.

My eldest child was so large that they had to add extra graph paper to his records as he sailed above the percentiles. He ate about three or four food items apart from litres of milk. He is now a doctor, a perfectly normal weight and an adventurous vegetarian. We never pushed about the food or forced him to eat stuff.

My youngest was a keen carnivore with an unhealthy obsession with chicken nuggets. As an adult he is very lean with a liking for classical French cooking.

I grew up with overcooked fatty meat with cabbage and silverbeet boiled into submission. There were constant scenes at the dinner table as my mother raved about starving children in Africa - I could never see how the starving children in Africa could be helped by me eating the green slime served up as I grimly trimmed every morsel of fat off the meat. My mother, who was wonderful in many respects, was a dreadful cook and her baked chop casserole was truly stomach churning. Anyway, my aversion to the food meant that I escaped the family curse of high cholesterol but I have never eaten cooked cabbage or silver beet to this day. I do eat a very balanced diet albeit with no boiled cabbage or silver beet.

I guess what I am saying is that not forcing your children to eat food they don't find palatable is not a sign of their future nutrition

I’ve seen this too. Slim parents with obese children greeting them after school with chocolate bars and haribos. They only lived one street away from the school. I’m sure they thought they were showing love to their children but it’s so misguided.

I agree and nearly always given access to cooking equipment (which I acknowledge is an initial cost) i could give people a healthy balanced recipe plan that costs less than their processed food but I cook properly and have time, 2 more barriers in addition to equipment.

My heart sinks when people claim their dc are “sturdy” that they need clothes many times larger because you know that child is not only overweight but has been overfed for years because excess calories in growing dc not only causes obesity but also excess height growth. I know that most British age group clothing is if anything very generous in size, mine wore 1-2 sizes smaller because the waists are huge, and had to buy the long and lean trousers.