To think some people on here make too many excuses for parents feeding their kids unhealthy food to the point they become overweight or even obese?

[Giselle374]

I know a lot people are in really difficult situations financially, and the country overall has become harder and harder due to COL.

But I feel uneasy with the way some posts on this seem to imply that being in a hard financial position means unhealthy food almost can't be avoided.

People usually choose to have children, and food is a basic thing. If you didn't wash your child, or clothe them as best as you could, would that be similarly excusable? Arguably food is more important than many other potential areas since cancer and other illnesses are a very real danger if kids are overweight or obese young.

My mother had financial difficulties when I was young: she was a single parent and on minimum wage, and she hated cooking, ate very badly before I was born. But she ensured her meals (porridge, fish, eggs, veg based mostly) were healthy even if they were plain. I was barely ever allowed sugary or processed food. That's one of the things I'm most grateful for.

I do understand families in a depressing situation with few things for the kids to enjoy use food as something enjoyable sometimes
..areas need more resources, green space, libraries etc .

This isn't to deny the challenges of feeding kids healthily. But I think some posts on here lean too far to taking responsibility from the parents,,and I don't think that's helpful.

Oh so now you’re being deliberately obtuse. Your mother fed you crispy pancakes and oven chips (who dosent eat oven chips?) not what I asked!! I asked if the diet was so unhealthy you now have loose baggy skin due to what you ate before you were old enough to be in control of your life at all.

Yeah because this woman (I LIVED WITH AND SHARED THE KITCHEN) had a morbidly obese toddler not a vegetable or fruit in sight ever, I literally shared a fridge with her. Please don’t tell me “I don’t know their business” I saw what she was feeding him with my own eyes every single day

I think there are reasons for why some children can’t eat a varied diet, AFRID being one of them. I have a child with ASD and it is a challenge, but we find ways. I must say the internet, and especially Gen AI, has helped massively. I gave a list of foods my son will eat and it came up with new recipes of what to cook (yesterday it suggested tagliatelle with chicken, peas and creamy pesto sauce). Simple things like that make a huge difference. It can be so hard but I think variety is key, and also not banning any foods. Some days we eat amazing, some we don’t, it all balances out and we are all healthy.

In some circumstances “knowing” your child’s TDEE would encourage you to not just keep them in or around it, but to aim below it.

Monitoring a child’s weight like we do our own, which I don’t think is right when they’re still growing.

It would encourage what I would consider an unhealthy attitude to food.

I don’t believe in feeding your kids a diet of exclusively crisps. But similarly, I don’t believe in restrictive eating in children either. I think it fosters complexes, food issues and disordered eating.

IMO, in the wrong hands, closely monitoring your child’s calorific intake could be taken too far and actually do them more mental harm than good.

I didn’t say you didn’t know her business. I said it wasn’t yours.

Not your monkeys, or circus.

Tbh the only reason I’m even engaging in this is because your posts read like had you not disliked this woman, you actually wouldn’t have been concerned about her kid.

You’re not genuinely worried for his future, you’re disdainful of his mother and it’s a very obvious stick to beat her with.

Because I said she was a complete cunt? Because she was! That dosent mean I’m not worried about her kid. I actually think it’s child abuse to have a morbidly obese toddler and after living with someone like that I don’t buy it when other parents of big toddlers tell me their kids eat a healthy diet.

Stick to beat her with lol. This woman would smash up my stuff after an argument I’d go out and come home to my stuff smashed. Including my son’s toys. She also stole loads of my things and made up lies about me. I was 16 and 17 and she was in her 20s.
I really do feel sorry for her child.

Of course they have chocolate and ice cream. I've just had chocolate myself. In moderation is the key isn't it.

We don't need anyone harping on about genetics hormones or UPF to tell us we'll be obese if we eat too much of the wrong stuff.

We'lll have pizza Sat but then yes I'll cook healthily most other times too. It's what parents do isn't it. Or should do. Hormones and epigenetics allowing of course.

”In your 20s” is hardly grown up.

Sure, she was an adult. But she doesn’t sound like she was dripping in maturity. Maybe with the benefit of growing up she’s changed her ways.

Most parents of overweight children are also able to acknowledge their diet is crap, but have something they consider a reason. It’s quite rare that they’re filling them with crisps and don’t know where the weight is coming from.

If the genuine reason you’re hearing is “they eat healthily they’re just big boned, etc” that’s just immaturity talking.

20s is grown enough I was only 16 when I had my son, 15 when I found out I was pregnant none of my kids have ever been fat. It’s not rocket science to know you shouldn’t let your kid eat limitless junk food till they’re obese.
She also still lives not too far from me and from what I hear is still a terrible person.

I am genuinely uninterested what kind of person she is. It has no bearing on how overweight her child is.

Plenty of not awful people also have overweight kids. It’s not the definition of dreadful person. I’m sure she is one, but that’s not why the kid is fat.

You might be here for a character assassination, but nobody else knows this woman so they’re not.

It is indeed awful being an obese child. I would argue that some of the stigma is depleted now (which as this thread proves is NOT a good thing) as it has become more commonplace.

I was obese from the age of 8, managing to lose all of it in my later teens and am now a normal weight. It triggered a lifetime of eating disorders and a lot of bullying and othering from peers and adults alike. My early teens were miserable as I despised my body and daren't go out or wear certain clothes my peers could. I isolated myself and it had a knock-on effect as I was so miserable I stopped concentrating at school, had few friends other than 'the weird kids'. I began to feel that I was stupid, and an outcast, when the reality is I am intelligent and unlike most of the bullies and the kids I envied, I would go on to achieve a Master's degree. I sometimes feel that I only ever went to University in order to prove to myself that I wasn't what everyone thought I was.
I do not want to try to make this thread about me, but I do want to illustrate that obesity isn't just about weight, for a child, it can make them feel like a social pariah.

My Mum made healthy food. She hated me being fat. She went about things in the wrong way, but I can't really blame her as she had no clue what else to do. Essentially she made me feel horrendous for being fat, I truly felt that she didn't love me. I remember one day screaming at my parents that I would 'lose the weight if it killed me' and although I didn't come close to that, I did become very underweight eventually.

I was just binging on chocolate, bread, sweets, anything. I was in a binge starve cycle at various points.
My Grandmother, a Silent Generation woman, overfed me all the time. She'd been through the war and food being plentiful and children eating well was a good thing to her. Even at the age of 10 I knew I should not be eating a whole, large cheesy pizza every night but she had me at least two nights a week and I would not say no. She also had a lot of chocolate and treats and was fine with me eating everything available.

It was a complex set of circumstances and a vicious circle, I was at a new school and very unhappy, had an abusive Father and ate for comfort. So I was bullied for being quiet and unhappy and 'weird', got fat, bullying increased, so I comfort ate more.

If I was 8 now, I assume parenting would be better, schools would intervene etc. But I dare say I do not doubt that a lot of kids nowadays will still be in similar positions.

I am just responding to your comment where you said she was just immature and has probably grown up now. She hasn’t.

And I’d say it’s pretty awful to look at your visibly obese toddler and continue to feed them unlimited junk food. With the obvious effects obesity has on a child’s physical and mental health. That’s my opinion and that is all.

Accidentally or otherwise, you’ve hit the nail on the head.

I developed bulimia at 14 years old, after years of secondary school bullies making my life hell. I would starve at school, go home and eat the dinner my mum had cooked, and then wait until she went to work 40mins or so later to “get rid of it.”

I was a fairly average sized child, but from 12 onwards I ballooned - by the time I was 14, I was 14 stone. My mum commented on it a lot, my siblings have always been skinny, and I felt like she was ashamed of what I looked like. I have an overweight son now (for reasons, not because I happily feed him crap) and I am very, very careful to not give him the same impression. Almost militant about it.

I vividly remember getting followed down the street while someone shouted fat insults at me.

It’s not like that now, and nor should it be. If my son came home and told me he was bullying the fat kid at school, I would be furious. He can’t anyway, because of his level of need, but if not, I would still prefer him to accept people where they are, and crucially not make them feel shit about themselves.

The individual fat kids shouldn’t be social pariahs.

Where we differ is I don’t blame those around me for feeding me crap, it was what I wanted at the time, I blame the kids for being disgusting bullies, I expect better from mine.

Ah so here you answer my question, you were average sized until you were around 12. The people I know who I mentioned were big kids and now have permanent loose skin started LOSING their weight at that age. They were obese at 5/6/7 when they were completely dependent on what their parents fed them.
Hence it’s easy for you to say it’s no ones business except the parents if a toddler is obese. Laughable you tried to say your mum giving you oven chips is comparable

Sorry, have you just replied to a response about eating disorders and bullying, with the suggestion that I didn’t get fat soon enough to hit your quota? That people lose weight at 12, but instead I waited 2 long years after that before vomiting up my dinner?

Please accept my apologies. Perhaps I should have been a fatter child, earlier, and had bulimia at 11 instead of 14.

Grow up and get some compassion. That’s a horrendous response to that specific post.

Again being deliberately disingenuous. I asked you if you knew what it was like to have loose skin because your mother fed you a super unhealthy diet as a toddler. Seeing as you think obese toddlers are no one else business but the parents. You didn’t answer my question and just said your mother fed you crispy pancakes and oven chips.

Now I see you’ve answered the question in another comment and you’re now trying to spin it as me being mean because you also mentioned an eating disorder.
Grow up you argue like a university student who’s studying gender studies and voting the Green Party.

I didn’t answer your question about loose skin because it was rude.

You’re not being “mean,” because we’re not 9 years old and this isn’t a playground. I’m also not trying to spin anything, you said what you said.

I have no idea how you’d know how “a university student who studies Gender Studies” argues, unless you’ve been in lectures with one. But this has absolutely nothing to do with politics or gender. Obviously.

We have that already. It's not working is it. It's not enough.

I only asked because you were pretty dismissive about the effects on a toddler/young child’s physical and emotional health from being made obese by their parent. A close friends of mine has never worn a bikini because she has loose saggy skin due to being obese as a young child and then losing the weight as a teen. It just feels dismissive to say it’s the parents business and no one else’s. That child is a person and deserves better.

You jumping to the outrage and trying to say I was being offensive or whatever because of your eating disorder that I haven’t even mentioned felt very juvenile but nevermind im sorry if anything I’ve said has been misunderstood and came across rude

You responded to a post specifically on that subject, saying that:

• People lose their childhood weight by the time they’re 12 (nonsense, btw, may I present to you puberty)

• 6/7 year olds can’t control their diet (true, but most 12 year olds aren’t cooking their own dinner either)

What that implies is that being overweight at 12 was my own fault, and that had I been a “real” fat kid it would have happened before puberty kicked my arse.

It’s also a very insensitive thing to respond to a post about ED with at all. Luckily, it was nearly 30 years ago and that shit doesn’t land anymore, but maybe think before you rant/point prove in inappropriate places in future.

FWIW I’ve got horrendous stretch marks from
gaining and then losing weight too rapidly over those years. But in the grand scheme of starving yourself, it’s not that big of a problem.

I’ve got no idea how old you are, my best guess would be not very, but jumping into a conversation about eating disorders with a “HA, I was right!” is not the done thing. Take that as advice, don’t, not especially bothered.

Course it's enough. Most know if you eat too much crap you end up obese., there's only so much you can do.

Like warnings on fag packets, smokers know the risks but do it anyway.

Label stuff, give out advice. Leave people to make their own choices.

No, it isn't enough. If it was, 2/3rds of the population wouldn't be overweight and we wouldn't have a child obesity crisis.

Also most many overweight people think they eat healthy and don't understand why they can't lose weight. So clearly it's not enough.

I think you have misunderstood me I didn’t say people lose their childhood weight by the time they’re 12. What I said was people I know who were obese at 6/7/8 etc due to their useless parents not feeding them properly through sheer will managed to lose their weight as teenagers when they were older enough to research nutrition and exercise and choose their own food. I’m immensely proud of the people close to me who’ve done that. However someone I’m close to has been left with lose saggy skin on her stomach and has never been comfortable wearing a bikini because of it.

I thought it was insensitive of you to dismiss bad parenting of toddlers diets as no one else’s business but the parents. That’s an innocent child’s life and health and self esteem on the line there. And as I guessed you were never obese as a toddler or young child so it’s easy for you to say this crap.

Now you’re spinning it as me being insensitive about your eating disorder which I have not even mentioned. You obviously felt personally attacked I said I know people who lost weight as teenagers but that’s not me having a personal attack at you. Just like when this whole disagreement between us started because you replied to my comment about my old housemate having an obese toddler by saying your son isn’t actually obese he’s just overweight.

Im not trying to personally attack you by talking about people I personally know.

I agree bullying must never be seen as something victims need to change for.

But adults shouldn't have fed you crap if you wanted it at the time. Parents have a duty not to do that.

Yeah I agree with both those statements.

I didn’t have one filling as a child, i assume some of it is genetics as my mums never had a filling in her life either. BUT I was always surprised at how parents of the kids in my class would reward their kids after a “difficult” dentist visit with buying them lots of sweets.

It’s like hello can’t you see the link?!

Their dentist visits might not to be so difficult if you don’t give them quite so many sweets and fizzy juice!!

Even as a child I realised there was something wrong with that approach!