Am I being harsh to finish with my date over his ‘home cooked’ dinner?

[WeeksJa]

I’ve had a few dates with a man over the last couple of months, and he invited me over to his last night for what he promised would be a ‘home cooked’ dinner. He knows I like my food and eat healthily/well.

This is what he served up:

Starter - Gyoza’s from the supermarket
Dinner - Curry; one of those kits where you fry off the spices and add provided sauce etc
Desert - chocolate brownie (supermarket purchased)

It just felt a bit…low effort. Not what I’d describe as ‘home cooked’.

My friends are divided - a couple say to finish it, a couple say to give him the benefit of the doubt, feedback my disappointment and see if he can redeem himself.

Thoughts welcome!

Can you explain why this is a red flag @WeeksJa?

Because it feels to me like you’re undermining actual red flags.

What specifically are you comparing it to on the relationship board??

i dont cook suppoise i never claimd to-wouldnt be a dealbreaker for me its not masterchef

I’m really surprised at the vote!!

I would absolutely break up over this.

this is his best cooking?!?

if you get to whatever age he is without being able to cook a single thing, that’s huge red flags for me. It means you will be cooking every night if you progress to living together and want to eat decent food

This is why so many women on this site are single. Maybe he was trying. Cook for him and let us see how well you do.

If you think this is a red flag, you should probably give up on relationships altogether. You sound absolutely ridiculous and a bit of a twat.

Ffs are you one of the idiots from sex and the city or Hyacinth Bucket, incarnate?

WOW as a woman I would love being the better cook.lol I spoil my man. I must be different

He might not be a v good cook and wanted to have you round for a meal. If this isn't up tonyour standards then end it

My husband couldn’t cook when we met. 26 years ago. Then he started learning naturally as we lived together. Now he’s a fab cook, and we share the cooking. I guess it depends on what you’re looking for - Michelin star, start hanging around the back of high end restaurants for closing time. Normal bloke who thought he was treating you, then get over yourself.

Isn’t it supposed to be about enjoying spending time together, rather than seething because oh the shame of it, he used things to make the cooking faster, to then spend time with you.

Wow, foods really important to you.

you need to start to date chefs, or only people who can cook. Explain your love of food and being fed is critical to uou. End this one.

Definitely
an example that my dad isn’t the best cook but he would probably have done a steak and then panicked and added ready prepped veg/potatoes
however he will give you the shirt off his back, has got up at 3am to take me to hospital, and would do anything for me or my mum. Not a red flag in his life

I’d also say this is part of the reason you’re single. I’m sure there are others, on both sides, but food is more important to you than the man.

We share.
DH is very happy spending half an afternoon in the kitchen cooking up all manner of delicious food.

You can finish a relationship for whatever reason so your not wrong to do so if your not happy. I agree with the majority though your response does seem very OTT.

Hopefully, for his own sake his standards don't include putting up with snobbery, entitlement and derogatory comments to your friends behind his back.

I'm like good food cook from scratch most of the time but I wouldn't turn my nose up at that. For a lot of people that is home cooking.

You're being too picky unless he actually put himself forward as some kind of cheffy type.

If you've ever been in a supermarket you will know that they don't only stock ingredients, there is a lot of pre-prepared food to be cooked at home. If you didn't tell him you expected him to cook everything only from ingredients rather than pre-prepared food, then perhaps you have the poor communication skills that are also prevalent among MNers along with the low standards you have noticed.

When you invite someone to a home cooked meal do you bake the bread, churn the butter, make your own yogurt etc. If you say you do that level of home cooking every time, I won't believe you. But those things might easily be someone else's standard for home cooking. Someone more pretentious.

But isn't that a joy that can be shared and built on together? I try different S-E Asian stir fry recipes but I don't keep every single sauce in my kitchen. Hence, I use HelloFresh to try different recipes. So does that indicate I don't love food? I would never attempt something like a gyoza for a date, unless I am already proficient at it. So for me, it is hard and a lot of effort. I wouldn't even attempt such items from my own cuisine like samosas! And I am pretty good cook. However, I would never look down upon someone who makes an effort.

Good grief that's better than anything I would cook. Im surprised he didnt dump you for being so ridiculous.

Not everyone can cook. Did he claim he’s a good cook?

People confuse red flag with incompatibility. A red flag is something that alerts you to behaviour that is already problematic or may become problematic in future and which is likely to have a negative impact on you. Incompatibility is simply a difference in approach/expectations to different things.

OP, you have noted a potential incompatibility in your approach/beliefs relating to diet/food. It’s not a red flag. He hasn’t done anything wrong whatsoever. He just has a different approach to home cooked food than you do. He doesn’t need to apologise or ‘redeem’ himself. You just need to decide if this difference outweighs everything else. If it does finish with him and set him free.

She sounds just very food orientated to me.

I couldn’t get wound up over it, it’s only food, if it filled a gap, job done.

You also come across as very mean spirited. I would be absolutely floored if someone judged me this way. He thought about it, shopped and cooked but sadly wasn’t enough for you!
Go you!