Am I being harsh to finish with my date over his ‘home cooked’ dinner?

[WeeksJa]

I’ve had a few dates with a man over the last couple of months, and he invited me over to his last night for what he promised would be a ‘home cooked’ dinner. He knows I like my food and eat healthily/well.

This is what he served up:

Starter - Gyoza’s from the supermarket
Dinner - Curry; one of those kits where you fry off the spices and add provided sauce etc
Desert - chocolate brownie (supermarket purchased)

It just felt a bit…low effort. Not what I’d describe as ‘home cooked’.

My friends are divided - a couple say to finish it, a couple say to give him the benefit of the doubt, feedback my disappointment and see if he can redeem himself.

Thoughts welcome!

I genuinely would dump someone for this apostrophe offence. It turns me right off.

that is wonderful. My husband is a good cook :) I just think im a bit better well kids say I am .lol

You don’t sound compatible with this man. You have different ideas and expectations from him about food/cooking which is absolutely fine. It means that your relationship probably won’t work out long term if home cooking is such a deal breaker.

I don’t cook from scratch at all and eat upf, so that meal would have impressed me!

Not to mention spelling - it’s dessert, not desert.

I can cook, but it’s not something I particularly enjoy. However, I have plenty of other talents, as I’m sure your date has. He made an effort for you, but if his efforts are not good enough, then let him meet someone else who just might appreciate him more.

The first time I cooked for my husband I made homemade Bolognese a d bought expensive ice cream and I thought I'd done alright. He made 3 gourmet courses.

He could have made me beans on toast and I'd still have been gagging for him.

If you're put off by a shop bought sauce he's not the one for you

I once had the other end of the spectrum. On date 5 he made the most fastidious dinner. A performance over shaking me up the perfect G&T. Oysters & vintage champagne, then an omelette. But not an ordinary omelette! It was carefully crafted with home grown ingredients and cooked in a special way which he’d learned directly in cookery lessons from a tv celebrity chef. Can’t remember the pudding, but I remember thinking what a faff. He didn’t eat like that all the time (he didn’t eat much at all!) but he was extremely fussy over food. I love cooking, but was making 3 square meals a day for my growing kids having come from a divorce where I’d taken the toll of family food prep.

Another date did a bit like yours. I just took it as a sign that he wanted to shortcut the cooking so we could be comfy together. I don’t think it’s a red flag or a bad thing. He is onto the stage of everyday homely and you are possibly more at the dinner-party-date stage.

Don’t overanalyse!

Yet, there were no red flags in the scenario you describe. Not being Gordon Ramsey is not a red flag. It’s home cooked, he made an effort, you just want something different. Maybe hang around restaurants for chef’s finishing their work and look for wedding rings, although I strongly suspect even then there would be something not to your standard …….

I think hes well shot of you

Perfectly acceptable meal from a man you really like.
(Unecessary) excuse to bin off one you're not that into.

When my late DP first invited me round for a meal it was delicious and home cooked except that his Mum had been staying with him and had cooked it for him. He wasn't a very good cook and badly wanted to impress me. His Mum only told me about it later.😄

He made an effort and it wasn’t appreciated. I’d finish it so he can find someone who appreciates his efforts. Poor guy.

I don't think the OP was ever really into him.

Can you imagine a gorgeous, handsome, sexy man that makes your heart flutter and your knees tremble whenever you see him.

And then imagine saying "Nah, I need to dump him over his supermarket Gyoza"?

Nope! 🤣🤣

Men that are abusive are perfectly able to put an act on it early days. Victims of domestic abuse dont need you crowing over how clever you are at spotting red flags.

A Red flag isn't he served shop bought Gyoza 🙄. I'd move on and find someone more to your liking though, if he doesn't do what you expect 🤷

yes this factor is hurtful

A curry kit where you are frying off the spices and adding your own meat/veg is fine - particularly if he lives alone I can see it would be preferable to buying all the spices separately and having them expire in the cupboard. I would describe that as a home cooked meal and he could have left it there. But in addition he decided to make it into a 3-course dinner and added the starter and brownies. I would say that level of thought is showing he was making an effort and thinking of you.

My DH is a wonderful cook of main courses but I've never known him make a dessert. He doesn't bake. So if he were to do a 3-course meal that course would definitely be bought, usually ice cream. We used to live in France and they are excellent home cooks but never make their own desserts, everyone goes to the local boulangerie/patisserie.

This exactly - I would dump someone for writing “gyoza’s.” It’s a crime far worse than using a curry kit.

Please, let him go now. He doesn’t deserve you. He deserves bette.

He cooked it at home?

it is home cooked?

I mean, it's not 'home cooked'. (as in cooked from scratch), and if he thinks it is, then it's indicative of thought processes that don't match OP's - so I totally get where OP is coming from.

Wow. As someone who cooks from scratch every day, if a date went to the effort to cook something for me there’s no way I’d react like this. You had your dinner made for you. You can be grateful (because there’s nothing wrong with the 3 course dinner he planned and made) or you can complain and leave him. I’d suggest the latter so you can let this man find someone who appreciates his efforts.

"feed back my disappointment" 🙄

You make it sound like some sort of test. No, you don't "feed back your disappointment" when someone has clearly tried to make an effort to please you, even if it's not the way you would do it. That makes you precious and hard work. Instead, next time he offers to cook at his, why not suggest making something together?

Relationships are about support and teamwork, not tests and judgement.

I am a decent, well-regarded home cook. I”d be happy to eat this meal and would not consider it especially ‘low effort.’
Hell, I might even make something similar if I was pressed for time or didn’t feel much like cooking. It’s fine.

I'd bin him off because he's clearly not up to your exacting standards. Don't worry because I'm sure Gordon Ramsay, Nick Nairn, or Paul Hollywood will be along anytime.

But he did cook it at home!!!

Release him. Let him go, so he can meet someone who loves him.