Parent gave my child medicine without my consent

[Nanechange20123]

I want to know AIBU

My DD is 10

She went to a sleepover last night (Saturday night to Sunday morning) when I arrived to pick her up I didn't actually speak to the mum because she was on the phone, she waved to me from the other room. When my DD got in the car she said she had an ear ache last night and that the mum gave her some ibuprofen. The mum didn't contact me to ask me if it was OK. The mum has my number so there's no excuse. AIBU to think the mum should of contacted me to ask me if it was OK to give my DD the medicine? I wasn't busy and the mum knew this. I just know if it was the other way round I would of contacted the mum before hand regardless of whether a child told me it was okay or not. I'm fully hoping I am over thinking this.

I’d personally have no issue with this but I would also always phone a parent first as I could understand some people would.

It’s not something I’d make a point of raising after the event but if she goes again you could mention to mum to call you if any problems and not to give her medication without checking first.

Some people are far too over bearing. Is it any wonder some kids seem arrogant when their parents behave this way.

I would give a child something if they had a sore ear and not even think about it. I would expect a ten yr old to say if they have an allergy to something, they aren't toddlers.

Exactly. You'd tell the other person if they had a good allergy, after all.

Agree that by 10 most would know if they have allergies. Mine will automatically respond “pencillin” to being asked if they have allergies in a restaurant - despite me reminding them every time that they mean food allergies 😂

I would drop the parent a text to ask in advance for paracetamol/ibuprofen. But if it was the middle of the night etc I’d be focussed on making the child comfortable if they didn’t answer, so would most likely
go ahead and give it if it was really needed.

I think as there was no malice/ill will, I’d probably just mention it politely if a play date /sleepover comes up again.

To me, if it’s bad enough for a painkiller then it’s really quite sore and potentially the child has an ear infection. So if before midnight, I would call the parent and we would make a judgement call from there re. medicine and also re. whether they should go home.

But after midnight, barring a major incident, I would consider myself in charge of keeping the child comfortable until morning. I would give a painkiller if the child told me they had had it before without issue.

I would have made a note of the dosage and time and told the parent in the morning / asked the child to pass on the note.

I could not get worked up over another parent giving my child ibuprofen at a sleepover for an earache - especially if it was late at night. I would be thanking them for looking after her properly. If you don't want the person looking after your child to provide basic medical care if needed, you should say so. Obviously something outside basic medical care - like melatonin or a strong painkiller - is wildly different.

Bit dramatic !

I’d likely contact the parent but equally I wouldn’t be bothered if they didn’t contact me. Actually I remember one of my kids getting stung by a bee at someone’s house and the mum did contact me, but defintely after she had done it, to say they had given some piriton. I was just pleased she had looked after mr child so well

If I was determining a child's competency to take ibuprofen I'd be asking questions about whether the child was asthmatic and whether they had had ibuprofen before. I'd also only be assessing it in the absence of being able to ask someone with parental responsibility. I'm not sure it applies here.

I really couldn't get excited over it. At age 10, I would have expected my child to have sent me a message if they were unsure of whether they could have taken the medication or not . Otherwise, not a big deal.
In 3 months it's likely your child will be at secondary school - mine were getting the train to school and navigating bus time tables. I think giving more independence and authority may help.

I think in this day and age of always being available, we've lost the ability to understand the concept of a village and of chilren being cared for by other people, possibly somewhat differently to how we would care fo rthem, but always with good intentions.

I mean, where do you draw the line? if she fell and needed an ambulance do you call the parents first? If she's cut herself and you want to give her first aid, do you call the parents first?

What about for other things? if she behaves badly, do you get a call before she gets told off? If the children want to play in the paddling pool and she doesn't have a swimsuit do you have to get a call to get permission for her to play in her underwear?

30 years ago, a parent looking after your child while on a sleepover would 100% be considered the responsible parent because there would be no assumption the actual parent could be reached.

I also wonder if people who are so anti this have a 10 year old. becaues of course a 10 year old is perfectly competent to ask and explain about basic medications, allergies etc. I tell people about DD's lactose intolerance but emphasise that it's mild and that frankly, they should feel free to be guided by DD - if she wants to risk a stronger reaction, that's on her.

Just don't let your child stay overnight anywhere again without informing the presumably responsible adult you left them with to not administer pain relief without your prior approval. Hopefully you did explain any allergies your child has beforehand. I certainly wouldn't have a problem with an adult making a decision like that in my absence, If I'd already had the presence of mind to lay the ground rules. I'm assuming your child is not harmed.

My two kids (7 and 10) would know if they could have calpol or nurofen and if they’d had a recent dose they would tell the adult so as not to be given too much. Up to perhaps 9 at night I’d maybe appreciate a text to check in that they could have it but afterwards I’d want the parents managing the sleep over to use their judgement and give if required.

But even if it were prior to 9pm and they didn’t message I wouldn’t be annoyed/upset- just pleased they were able to act appropriately and treat the symptoms. With ear ache I’d expect them to check the child felt well enough to stay and perhaps ask if they felt warm/shivery and take their temp. Basically to risk assess as you would with your own child and act accordingly.

She will be starting secondary school next school year!
At what age would you expect a child to be aware of its medical conditions and what, if anything, they should not take?
A phone call would have been courteous, but if a child has any medical or other allergies, I would expect a parent to mention it when they are dropped off.

Wow. A ‘thanks for looking after my child’ would be a more appropriate response here.

What time did your daughter need the medication?

I would have contacted the parent before giving a child medication but I also couldn’t get too worked up over it either. The only way it would have been an issue is she was allergic, in which case I’m sure you’d have mentioned it. Or if she was given too
much, unlikely if she was there for the night and the mum knew when the last one had been administered.

At the end of the day it’s nurofen - over the counter children’s medicine. It was obviously given with good intentions and I don’t really see any obvious harm. Perhaps if you want to open up a convo about it you could msg the mum saying ‘dd said she’d been unwell with earache last night, I hope it was all ok?’ At which point she’ll probably mention the medicine and you can tell her not to do it again. I’d not be expecting another invite if you do that though.

I would've done a quick whatsapp if it had been me. Another parent asked me about sun cream for mine which was lucky as mine can only use one sort without getting a rash.
I don't understand why you are saying "I fully hope I am overthinking this". Either you are OK with it or you are not, surely you will not be swayed with mumsnet response?

A child who will be going to secondary school after the summer is old enough to know whether they are allergic to common over the counter analgesics. If they are not, that’s a failure in parenting. It’s also not good for kids of that age to feel their parents need to hover in the background for everything. They should be starting to spread their wings in safe environments.

I feel pretty confident that those saying otherwise have younger children and don’t realise how much things change between 5 and 10.

If I had been the host I might have fired off a text to the OP to make her aware (without mentioning it to the child), but that’s all.

Of course you're over thinking it. You should be grateful she looked after your daughter properly. Would you have said no if she had phoned? Thought not 😏

My ds knew at 5yo he couldn’t have calpol - but could take paracetamol. (No idea why but call made him vomit 🤷‍♀️).

At 10 I could have gotten the painkillers out the cupboard and taken it myself. And I'm generally a very overprotective parent but Thai wouldn't worry me at all.

didnt she have paracetamol?

bad decision.

I’m allergic to some painkilling drugs that you only get given in hospitals. From the age of about 6 my mum made me aware of what they are and made sure I could say the names of them clearly, just incase there was ever a situation where I ended up in a hospital without her (you just never know).
If a 10-year old child doesn’t know what they are allergic to, that parent needs to have a bloody hard look at themselves because I’d say that’s a massive parenting fail.

We have to fill in a form for every dose on residential, including for routine antihistamines! The parents always look at me like I’m insane when I try to hand them the forms at pick up 😅