Parent gave my child medicine without my consent

[Nanechange20123]

I want to know AIBU

My DD is 10

She went to a sleepover last night (Saturday night to Sunday morning) when I arrived to pick her up I didn't actually speak to the mum because she was on the phone, she waved to me from the other room. When my DD got in the car she said she had an ear ache last night and that the mum gave her some ibuprofen. The mum didn't contact me to ask me if it was OK. The mum has my number so there's no excuse. AIBU to think the mum should of contacted me to ask me if it was OK to give my DD the medicine? I wasn't busy and the mum knew this. I just know if it was the other way round I would of contacted the mum before hand regardless of whether a child told me it was okay or not. I'm fully hoping I am over thinking this.

Really surprised people are so angsty about their kids being given painkillers. Obviously if they are too young to explain they have allergies then yes there is an issue. But at 10 I would see a painkiller as a really very minor thing - I just don’t see why a parent needs to be called when the child is obviously old enough to be sensible. Personally I would be thanking the parent for looking after my kid.

Yes because you were a teacher. That’s different. Some schools won’t stick sunscreen or a plaster on kids for fear of potential repercussions. I don’t know anyone who is not in a school setting who would call to check with a parent for those things.

I'm surprised by the responses.
She was in pain, she gave her mild meds.
If she's allergic then surely you would have informed the parents beforehand.

I wouldn’t have done it - I would have called you to come pick her up as I do not want an unwell child of someone else’s as my responsibility. But in the reverse I don’t think I’d be angry, mostly just confused.

You’d take them home from a fun sleepover with friends just to give them Calpol.

Woah. That’s some major helicoptering. Good luck with the teen years.

And its consent, not concent.

Are you mistaking ibuprofen for crack cocaine?

I think if your 10 year old appears sensible and understands allergies etc., and knows it has had ibuprofen before, it would be fine to just act in loco parentis in that situation. There are cases where you would judge a 10 year old cannot make that judgement in conjunction with a responsible adult, but I suspect many are mature enough. Mine would have been. Presumably you would not have left the child with another parent who you deemed irresponsible.
I think you often have to let borderline things like this go if you want to raise a child who is able to make decision/judgements. Getting them to a state of independence at the age of 18 is a gradual process which should be well underway by the age of 10.

OP hasn’t said, or maybe doesn’t know, if the parent did ask those questions before giving the ibuprofen.

I would check with the kid about allergies, but wouldn’t assume they would then tell their Mum that I did ask them. IYSWIM. It’s early, I need a brew.

Yes, she should have asked. But I wouldn’t be getting my knickers in a twist about it.

YABU. Your child at 10 should know if they have allergies. Your child had an earache, the mum gave pain relief. I would have prob text you to let you know I’d done it but I wouldn’t have asked. Why are you upset?

Before this thread, it wouldn’t have occurred to me to ask parental permission to give something like ibuprofen. I’d assume if the parent was that bothered, they’d provide the medication themselves.

I agree with this. Although nothing surprises me anymore, I fear so many people are looking for something to be offended by/upset by or something they can moan about. It would seem no one is allowed to use common sense anymore.

Confused about what?

Yes, of course she should have asked you. But nothing bad has actually happened to your child (who clearly isn't allergic to ibuprofen, and who was presumably grateful for the painkiller)

A quick "thanks for looking after her when she was poorly last night. In future I'd prefer it if you ran medical decisions past me first" and you both move on with your lives.

By the time she's a teenager it would be really normal for her to ask a friend's parent for a paracetamol etc (although I'm a teacher, so I'm never giving anyone else's child anything without consent!)

Sensible.

My kids have had sleepovers here over the years and there was the odd occasion when there was a headache or whatever and I phoned the parent, a) to let them know they were unwell and b) to check if paracetamol was allowed. Even when a child told me they could have it I still checked!

By 11 or 12 many girls carry their own painkiller for period pain. By 10 I would expect children to start being responsible for their for own pain management.

@ilikesundays Measles vaccine was introduced in the UK in 1968... was this in the early 1970's?

If this is true.. that doctor should have been struck off... sounds a bit like the doctor who took blood samples at a birthday party and paid the kids £5.

You’re talking as though another parent hosting your child for a sleepover is some sort of treat for that parent that you’ll take away if they don’t behave! They are doing a nice thing for you by hosting your child for a sleepover, not the other way round.
I have a 10 year old who is currently at a sleepover and would have no issues with her being given some over the counter pain relief if she was in pain. I should add that I only allow her to have sleepovers with families I know well anyway (surely the same for most?) so I would be happy for them to make that call.

I'd be surprised* I wasn't asked but id assume DC wasn't in enough pain to want to come home and between them they'd figured out a way forward (painkiller and wait and see).

If you're uncomfortable I think its just a prompt to think about what outcome you would have preferred and plan for that next time.

• edited to clarify that by surprised I simply mean I'm on good texting terms wiyh DDs friends so most would probably text, not that I'd raise an eyebrow about their judgement.

A 10 year old knows if/when they need medication and what they can have. It was a single dose of ibuprofen. YABU.

I wouldn’t let my children have a sleepover - or any kind of activity or outing - with people who I didn’t trust to know when to give a mild analgesic…

If there are any relevant allergies or intolerance, it’s up to the child’s parent to make this known ahead of time.

Yabu. Kid was in a bit of discomfort. Parent sensibly gave a mild, readily available remedy. What on earth could be the issue here?

I can’t bear the ‘little emperor’ attitude towards children nowadays.

This is a very good point. She is likely only a year away from just asking friends for a painkiller whenever she needs one. They aren't meant to bring their own to school, but they mostly do. So all this angst about an adult doing it is a waste of energy.

Sorry but you are way overreacting. It was just a bit of ibuprofen. It’s not like she had your DD wash it down with whisky and lemon, or tried to use ear candles on her. A school nurse would have done the exact same thing without calling you.

If you are going to be unusually controlling, forewarn a parent when you drop your child off for a sleepover.