Parent gave my child medicine without my consent

[Nanechange20123]

I want to know AIBU

My DD is 10

She went to a sleepover last night (Saturday night to Sunday morning) when I arrived to pick her up I didn't actually speak to the mum because she was on the phone, she waved to me from the other room. When my DD got in the car she said she had an ear ache last night and that the mum gave her some ibuprofen. The mum didn't contact me to ask me if it was OK. The mum has my number so there's no excuse. AIBU to think the mum should of contacted me to ask me if it was OK to give my DD the medicine? I wasn't busy and the mum knew this. I just know if it was the other way round I would of contacted the mum before hand regardless of whether a child told me it was okay or not. I'm fully hoping I am over thinking this.

A 10 year old is legally responsible for their behaviour so also old enough to know if they can't have certain things.

It was an OTC medicine and the parent was responsible for your DD so yabu.

I'm also curious what posters think of this. I would have phoned a parent but equally wouldn't have minded if someone gave my child paracetamol or ibuprofen. Certainly by secondary age, so potentially 11, I wouldn't expect a call.

Sorry but this is the kind of mindset that I can’t get my head around. You have a child that has some rare medical issues. You have relieved yourself of any parental responsibility as you don’t want to give a full medical report but then have such high expectations of a parent (who you may not know very well) to call you if they’re giving medication. We all parent differently as you know and if you just look at this thread you can see all the different views. If it really will cause a big problem if your child is to have some ibuprofen I would urge you to let people who are temporarily responsible for him to know that.
you don’t need to give a full medical report but- it takes a second to say - “please call me before giving any medication as there’s a few things he can’t take due to his medical problems” - instead of leaving it in the hands of someone else and then potentially being upset if they’re giving medication don’t behave the way you wan them to. A nursery/ school setting is very different a lay person and it think this expectation that a parent will call at any time is unrealistic and actually unsafe

You relay to his grandparents if you give Calpol? Why? Why would they be interested or need to know?

Blimey don't expect your child to be invited again. I would have no issue with this.

If a child had the issues you’ve listed, it’s also on the parent to let anyone know that her child cannot have those meds. I’m not condoning what this person did - personally I’d have messaged the mum to ask if it was ok - but as a parent myself I would always let someone know any issues about my child if they were on a sleepover.

I would only let my 10 year old stay with people I trusted who knew us/him well. If the people I have trusted my child with think that painkillers are appropriate, then I would be happy with that.

At 10, they're generally not having sleepovers with randoms. If there was a medical reason why my child couldn't have something as standard as painkillers, I would have communicated that with the parents.

You either trust thr judgement of the people caring with your child, or you don't. Sounds like they looked after your child the way they wouls have looked after their own, which is all you can really ask for.

Not if you’re a childcare provider but other parents don’t necessarily think like this. I’d give her benefit of doubt she was trying to do the right thing.

It wouldn’t bother me. If my kids had any allergies I would have taught them to speak up and tell the other person about it, I would also have told the parents about any allergies or conditions my child had when I dropped them off. So giving my child 5mls of ibuprofen at night would be ok with me.

This is ridiculous! Calpol/kids nurofen or correct dosage of tablets for everyday pain relief. What about sun cream would you allow them to administer thst? The child is ten not 2!

Schools ask because they have so many kids and to avoid legal issues if an allergy. If there was an allergy I would have expected parent yo let me know when in my care.

This is bonkers.

I’m surprised so many people think you are being unreasonable. If I had been giving it to her I would have called or at least spoken to you at the pick up.

Our primary school always calls for paracetamol (not sure they offer anything stronger) to make parents aware of the timing and to check if the child already had some that morning.

This horrifies me. As a teacher I took many children on overnight school trips. And yes, we always rang parents before giving either ibuprofen or paracetamol.

Medication? It’s an over the counter pain killer as your child was in pain. I don’t see the problem?? I wouldn’t have even thought about ringing the parent either.

I would not be happy. If i heard from my child they had medication before bed at someone else’s house and the parent hadn’t asked or at least told me on pick up, I’d worry. I

Exactly this ^^

It's worrying how many posters, including the one who claims to be a paediatrician, don't know this.

I would have contacted the parent before administering painkillers.

There is a reason why schools won't give them.

If she had phoned you to ask, what would you have replied?
I agree with pp it’s Ibuprofen not morphine, ear ache can be very painful. If your DD asked to go home and the parent refused, that would be different.
Someone gave DD Calpol/Nurofen once- thank god.

If your child is asthmatic they should have a pump and you should communicate this and any other medical conditions /allergies to the other parent and your child should communicate this also. It’s on you.

I would have thanked the mum for giving painkillers to my daughter. But if it was me I would have called the parent to check because I would be afraid to give medication without parental consent.

My daughter can’t have ibruprofen, but she would have known at 10 to say this. I would still have preferred to have been asked in the situation you describe though, and I would always check with a parent before giving anything myself.

I would be annoyed, it's not hard to text or call to check. My 10 year old doesn't have ibuprofen for medical reasons. He doesn't know what day it is most of the time so probably couldn't articulate clearly while in pain and at someone else's house why he usually has calpol not ibuprofen. It wouldn't be the end of the world but he might suffer for it later.

I think it’s borderline- 10/11 is quite a difficult age when some kids are quite mature with independence and others are still pretty little. I think the variation in how people parent feels quite big as a consequence. My own 10 year old would be prepared to ask another parent if she needed pain relief but I’d quite like a message to let me know some had been taken. I don’t think I’d give medicine without quickly checking but if it was late at night, it is probably more pragmatic to just give a dose rather than waking the parents.however, you have to look at if that the person was trying to do the best by your child. They were presumably in pain and trying to help.

It’s fine .
I would do the same as long as the 10 year old is an average 10 year old and would know if they had allergies or asthma . I would tend to go for Calpol first though if a child was at my house

I kind of agree with this, but in a different location, maybe just woken up from sleep, it might be easy for a kid to forget they can’t have x y or z.

Mind you my friend’s little girl has just turned 3 and she already says “no milk?” every single time she is offered a treat or snack by other adults (dairy allergy) so yeah maybe 10 is old enough!

By 10 surely you’d have taught your child to say that they couldn’t have ibuprofen though? I expect my 5yo to speak up about their allergies if I’m not there.

I think depends what time of night was it given. I wouldn’t have rung someone at 3am to ask permission. 9pm i probably would have done. Maybe they asked the dc “have you had this before” and kid said yes?

I would hope a 10 year old could explain any allergies or reason not to have basic pain relief.