Parent gave my child medicine without my consent

[Nanechange20123]

I want to know AIBU

My DD is 10

She went to a sleepover last night (Saturday night to Sunday morning) when I arrived to pick her up I didn't actually speak to the mum because she was on the phone, she waved to me from the other room. When my DD got in the car she said she had an ear ache last night and that the mum gave her some ibuprofen. The mum didn't contact me to ask me if it was OK. The mum has my number so there's no excuse. AIBU to think the mum should of contacted me to ask me if it was OK to give my DD the medicine? I wasn't busy and the mum knew this. I just know if it was the other way round I would of contacted the mum before hand regardless of whether a child told me it was okay or not. I'm fully hoping I am over thinking this.

I find it amazing how panicked people get about painkillers. By 12 girls will be swapping packs of paracetamol around at school for period pain. They certainty won’t be asking parental guidance.
If your child has an allergy or can’t take a basic OTC medication for medical reasons, or has never had it before and you have a family history of allergy, inform parents before hand and educate your child. “just for reference, he can’t have ibuprofen because he’s asthmatic. Here’s his inhaler, he knows how to use it but any issues please call”

I dont have a child with an allergy but I think if I did I'd be making parents aware and the child. Assuming she doesnt have one then its really no harm done.

I am surprised there are so many posters supporting giving medication to a child without informing the parents. In this instance the first thing I would have done is call the parents regardless of the time to say the child has earache then take their lead. If my child was on a sleepover I would ask the parents to inform me immediately if illness of any description occurred & not to give medication unless I agreed during a call. I'd be more likely to collect them & take them home though.

This comment and the replies agreeing with it are very odd to me. If you trust this woman enough to have your daughter sleep over at her house you obviously trust her to be in-loco parentis. She took care of your child. If your child is allergic to basic medicines like ibuprofen then that is information you would have passed on before a sleepover. YABU

YANBU. Its irresponsible to give kids medication. What if she had already had some she could have been overdosed.

Saying that, when I was a child I was given an antihistamine at a friends house because it turned out that I was allergic to the rabbit and my eyes had swollen shut. As soon as I could see I was driven home. My parents were pleased that they'd given me the tablet.

Agree. My secondary age child carries what they need in the bottom of their school bag.

I would probably ask because I'm a Mumsnetters and I know how mental other Mumsnetters can be.

Otoh I can also imagine saying to a 10 year old child "what would your mum normally give you if you've got an earache? Calpol? Ibuprofen?" And proceed accordingly because this is a 10 year old not a toddler.

I think a 10yr old would know of they have taken ibprofen before..
I would probably ask first but if not i see no problem.
Its a harmless pain relief.

Yes really, they aren't babies.

Yes, I agree. Both of my (now adult) children are, like me, allergic to Penicillin - I drummed it into them at a very early early age that they always need to tell any medic or parent this before taking any medicines. Just in case, I wasn’t there.

But, I wouldn’t have had a drama about them being given a mild painkiller, by another parent or relative, for an earache. 🙄

I wouldn’t be happy with this either BUT some people really baby their kids. A ten year old is a big, big child. I have a 10yo, he would have either told the mum to call his parents OR told them if he can’t have any types of meds.

So, when my daughter’s 15 year old friend asked for paracetamol at our house the other day for her period pain, I should have called her mum? Genuinely did not occur to me not to just give it to her.

If my 10 year old has already had some pain relief, when offered some she’s say ‘I’ve already had some today’.

It’s ibuprofen, not crack cocaine.
I knew what I was allergic to by that age and I’d judge any parent who hadn’t made their child aware of any allergies to medications.
If I’d have been offered something I was allergic to, I’d have told the mum that I can’t have that. I’m sure the mum involved would have assumed that if there was a problem with ibuprofen, your child would have spoken up.

Is it any wonder we have a generation of completely incompetent children and teenagers who can’t do anything for themselves without mum being there? Your child is 10, not 4!
The other mum was looking after her.

You’re completely over reacting.

Personally, I would have texted you, BUT what she did wasn’t dangerous and it helped your DD.

YABU
it’s ibuprofen not crystal meth

We do lots of sleepovers, and I always check in advance if any allergies. And if its the first time for that child, I check regarding their thresholds 'if your child is a little homesick, do you want me to call you or encourage them that are fine' 'if they get a headache/hay-fever are you OK if I give some calpol etc' 'do they have any allergies'. After a child became unwell on the first sleepovers and the parent didn't answer their phone after multiple attempts at calling them and I was torn whether to medicate them or not.

While I have them I am responsible and the parent can chose to trust me, or chose to pick their child up before bedtime

At that age I would expect the child to be able to know if they need pain meds or not. I’d probably contact the parent but I wouldn’t expect other parents to necessarily do the same.

OP i can see this from both sides. I would always double check with their parent first but I come from a care background and it’s common practice to get consent for these things.

However I have a 10 year old DS with an allergy to medication. I have always politely reminded the other parent when dropping him off anywhere. DS also has a good understanding of what he can and can’t have and knows to clearly communicate this when needed. They’re never too young to be taught that.

I think in this situation I would let it go and be grateful the other parent showed care and concern for your DD.

Crikey, reading some of these replies make me very glad my son is an adult and I no longer have to take care of anyone else's child, if this is the way of the world. Grandparents not being trusted to give medicine without a WhatsApp group!
People acting like she's being given crack cocaine.
Dont trust a parent to give a simple painkiller yet trust them enough to care for them overnight .... what if there's a fire/flood/attempted burglary- she needs to ring to ask your consent for getting them out safely.
Hurt themselves - broken limb/cut/bang on the head 'hang on, I need to ring your mum before I can make the decision to take you to A&E'.

Totally. How do you think kids with allergies cope?

I've a friend who is allergic to ibuprofen..
Very big deal to medicate a child for a minor issue without getting consent from their parent.

I wish someone's mum had given me pain relief for my debilitating ear aches and migraines when I was aged 4-10. My mum certainly didn't and just left me weeping and hallucinating.

Are you anti traditional western medicine or something? Or just ridiculously old school like my 80s mum?

The woman cared for your sick child and you're acting like she pushed heroin on her?!

At that age they should definitely know they have an allergy. If it’s a complex allergy then I’d expect parents to explain. I have 5 year olds tell me ‘I can’t have a plaster, I’m allergic’

Im assuming if you have allowed your child to spend the night at somebody else's house, you would know the parents well enough to trust them to medicate your dc when they are in pain with something like calpol. I think I would be more unhappy if my dc wasnt given any pain relief. Having said that, I think the other parent should have told you that your dc wasnt well and had been medicated when you picked her up.