Parent gave my child medicine without my consent

[Nanechange20123]

I want to know AIBU

My DD is 10

She went to a sleepover last night (Saturday night to Sunday morning) when I arrived to pick her up I didn't actually speak to the mum because she was on the phone, she waved to me from the other room. When my DD got in the car she said she had an ear ache last night and that the mum gave her some ibuprofen. The mum didn't contact me to ask me if it was OK. The mum has my number so there's no excuse. AIBU to think the mum should of contacted me to ask me if it was OK to give my DD the medicine? I wasn't busy and the mum knew this. I just know if it was the other way round I would of contacted the mum before hand regardless of whether a child told me it was okay or not. I'm fully hoping I am over thinking this.

No school would allow a child to be vaccinated without parental consent and the NHS school immunisations team would not allow it either.

Pretty much sums it up

That’s not true. If you read the consent forms that come out there is a caveat that talks about gillick competency when the child is old enough to differ with parents.

I know of a case where a daughter wanted HPV vaccine and was able to override her parents.

my point overall is that children are allowed to have a say with regards to their own autonomy. This increases with age. And this is why it’s ridiculous to get mad about a 10 year old being given a dose of ibuprofen.

I tbonk the op is conflating the medicine administration rules in place between someone acting in a professional capacoty, and in an informal social setting.
Of course yoir average 10 year old can say whether tjey are allergic to something! The oarent wouldn't have wanted go disturb you in the middle of the night. She did the right thing.

I really couldn’t get worked up about this at all. We have kids over to play all the time. I’m caring for them on behalf of their parents so if they need some calpol or ibuprofen then I’d assess the situation and do as appropriate. At 10, they know what they’re allergic too and if they’ve had medicine already. If, as a parent, you’re happy enough for someone to look after your kids, then you’re also happy enough for that person to be responsible enough to make basic first aid decisions.

People really are becoming ridiculous. Helicopter parenting and parents so controlling that they think they own their children like property.

This certainly isn't the case in the school where I run the immunisation scheme.

It may be possible in theory, but I imagine it's extremely unlikely to happen unless there are other issues going on in the background.

We have HPV coming up so I'll check but in the three years I've been doing it if a child wants a vaccination but consent hasn't been received the nurses running the session may take consent over the the phone (usually if a parent has missed the consent deadline) but certainly wouldn't do it as a matter of course.

Maybe it depends on area. I remember reading it in the ones I received from school.

I imagine it depends on context and its risk from a legal pov which is probably the main factor.

In theory an under 16 can be assessed for GC if they want a vaccine without parental consent, but it would be a hell of a risk for the Imms team to take without knowing anything much about the child's background as it's assessed by the nurse, not the school staff would would have more background info.

I can't imagine many schools taking the chance of legal action by an irate parent but if they do then good for them I guess!

That aside, re the OP, ibuprofen is not without risks and unless I knew the other parent well I wouldn't be thrilled about them giving it to my DC without my knowing.

There is a very simple way the OP could find out what questions her daughter was asked.
She just needs to talk to her daughter.

Have you got a ten year old? They aren’t buffoons.

Thank god for a voice of reason on this thread. Some crazy opinions on here, makes me really glad my children are all in their twenties.

If I had someone else’s child with me, I would’ve checked if I could give them medicine. If my daughter (8) was at a friend’s house and they gave her ibuprofen when she was in pain though, especially at that age

Absolutely ridiculous. The child was in pain, the mother sorted it without ringing you late at night.

I would have been fine with this. My 10 yr child knows what they can and can’t have.

So does ours. On the consent form we list paracetamol, ibuprofen, plasters, bite cream, antihistamines and for each the parent has to say yes or no if happy for us to give. If they said yes we will use our judgement on whether to administer

A 10 year old will know if any allergies. My 5 year old knows she can't have gluten as coeliac and if anyone apart from us gives her food she asks them to check for gluten. Which is lucky as a couple of times her school nearly did.

Because they are the only people apart from his parents and childcare who look after him and they were added to the group when they were looking after him during a time when he needed frequent medicine and now it seems pointless removing them.
We are a close family.

She’s 10 so capable of saying I’m allergic or mummy gives me nurofen

and if your child was allergic to dairy - gluten penicillin etc I would have expected you to tell the host

i think you are totally over reacting and i would be glad that the mum cared enough to give my dd pain relief

Ahh, you see, I've always thought the other way around - if you're allowing me to look after YOUR child: I need to realise that they aren't my children but yours. I mean, obviously, I know that- but my point is that something you might just do with your child - like handing out paracetamol - is not something you'd do with another child.

They're not my child so I'd be checking it's ok first. Food, medical conditions? Check if there's anything I need to know before looking after them.

That would give me an idea of if we needed an inhaler or to consider foods. If a situation arose whereby paracetamol or ibuprofen were needed, then unless the parents of the child had previously (as in that visit) said it was ok. I'd be calling to explain the issue.

If I left my child with you - I'd be telling you everything you need to know and expect you to call me if a situation arose.

The only time this would ever change, for me, is if that medicine was lifesaving. For example, a severe and obvious allergic reaction where antihistamine was not anticipated and discussed but quite clearly needed. Go for it, please. 100%. Lifesaving treatment? Yes. Don't delay. Please.

But - don't just be handing out medicines at any other time. It's the way respect and trust is built and can be easily broken.

But if you can't rely on the child to tell their parent that you checked for allergies then how can you rely on the information the child is giving you?

Whichever way people look at this, the only way of completely being sure that parent is ok with you giving their child medication is to ask.

If the response comes back as - "oh yes of course! You didn't even need to ask. Of course my child is fine to have medication administered by you! Why are you even asking" Then you can be confident that should the same or a similar issue arise again then it might just be ok (but would it?).

The only way of knowing is asking the parent. They're trusting you to look after their precious child... they're not going to mind you ringing them to check everything is as you'd like... and personally, I'd rather cause you slight inconvenience by calling to check or be seen as being way over the top or protective than turn round to you and have to explain that a decision I made about your child put them in harm.