Parent gave my child medicine without my consent

[Nanechange20123]

I want to know AIBU

My DD is 10

She went to a sleepover last night (Saturday night to Sunday morning) when I arrived to pick her up I didn't actually speak to the mum because she was on the phone, she waved to me from the other room. When my DD got in the car she said she had an ear ache last night and that the mum gave her some ibuprofen. The mum didn't contact me to ask me if it was OK. The mum has my number so there's no excuse. AIBU to think the mum should of contacted me to ask me if it was OK to give my DD the medicine? I wasn't busy and the mum knew this. I just know if it was the other way round I would of contacted the mum before hand regardless of whether a child told me it was okay or not. I'm fully hoping I am over thinking this.

A 10 year old should know if they have any allergies, and be able to communicate them to other people. It would be very irresponsible not to give your child that level of knowledge.

This^

Perhaps it was in the middle of the night. Hence no contact.

Yes that strikes me too. This person actually provided care in the way a parent would yet people are acting like it’s awful that she interfered with their possession or something. What do you think is nicer for a child? Have earache at a sleepover, friends mum gives painkiller, all carries on? Or friends mum totally washes her hands of it, texts mum to come to collect and all the fun is over (and before anyone says anything, there are posts saying that they’d get the parents to collect as they don’t want to deal with someone else’s sick kid)?

Not to out there but these days I wouldnt give kids a simply Vit C as really so many are allergic to simply things. Also painkillers can have reactions.
The other mum probably didn't think about it.

She’s your child’s friends parent. Not a school or an official. Stop being mental.

I thought I was an ott parent, but it wouldn’t bother me, at 10 kids know what they can and can’t have, mine have. Got one with asthma who thankfully tolerates nurofen well, he’d know I’ve given it to him and at that age would have said my mum gives me nurofen or calpol, also allergies and what they were.

By 11 he was carrying his own inhalers as in senior school they like them to have their own instead of trying to navigate a large space and number of students in an asthma attack. So if your child has medical needs it’s really best to teach them before senior school.

There was probably a conversation between your child and the parent of “do you want to go home/to call mum and what do you have at home if you’re in pain”.

Whats your concern? It was an over the counter pain killer.
I can not see the issue here.
If she had given her a plaster is that ok? She is 10 not 3. Old enought to have a sleepover means your old enough to say what allergies you have or your mum says before you go. What are you worried about? What is the reason your not ok with it? Just a control thing? Or do you have an actual concern about her having it?

You should have been contacted and asked - even secondary schools will ring and ask permission before giving children medication. I do t think primary schools would give it out at all. I would not make a big deal out of it - if she goes again just say that if child is unwell please ring me to discuss before giving medication

Is this mum a secondary school who is bound by umpteen pieces of legislation and has a strictly legally defined duty of care? Answer: no.

Omg. It was ibuprofen, and she's 10. It's fine.

I think you're being ridiculous. It's an off the shelf pain killer. The parent dealt with your 10 yo child's minor issue without bothering you.

Our secondary school asks for a general permission to give medical treatment including paracetamol, asks for any allergies and conditions and then gets on with it. We get a text to say “given paracetamol for headache” not asked or contacted before. Or done this for minor head injury. As in my PP they actually recommend the students carrying and administering their own medication for quickness and ease, like inhalers.

I would have called you first but really wouldn't have been bothered by the situation you have described if I hadn't given specific instructions about what my child can and can't take as medication.

My daughter takes a lot of medication for a chronic illness and I have to be very careful with what type of pain meds she can take so it makes me careful with other people's kids too.

If you don't want your child to be given pain relief by anyone else you need to make it clear.

I'm surprised by previous posters talking about senior school children passing around painkillers at school - my daughter wasn't allowed to carry them with her. The rules were that you sent in a box of paracetamol at the start of term to be kept in a locked box and the child goes to the office to request one. The school then messages you with the time the dose was taken and the reason.

Also to those saying they have given their children access to manage their own pain relief - as someone whose teenager has taken a deliberate overdose of paracetamol in the past ( due to being sick of being in so much physical pain) please don't keep stocks of it around the house. All of our medication is in a locked combination box now and I only keep one box of it at a time to minimise chances of accidental or deliberate overdose. I wish I'd done that before. Thankfully she was ok as "only" took nine tablets but it was still an awful experience and a day and a half in A&E.

You should always ask the parent. I’ve woken up parents before now when we’ve had their child over and they’ve got an earache at 3am. I would never give paracetamol in any case but even for ibuprofen I think it’s a shocking overstep. Some parents do not want their child taking any analgesia (what I personally think of that decision though is neither here nor there!)

Although I probably would shoot you a quick message telling you I had given the kid the medication, I don't see the problem with this and if you never sent your child over again, I would just shrug and continue to host the other children.

She’s in year 6, I don’t think it’s a big deal at all. I would prob be more concerned that my DD had been ill enough to need medication and the Mum hadn’t messaged me to let me know but wouldn’t mind that she’d had a squirt of nurofen without my consent.

I can't imagine trusting another parent with my child enough to let them sleep over but not to give a dose of minor pain relief to an almost secondary age child.

Mind boggling.

Was there actually any reason why your child shouldn't have ibuprofen, OP? Because, if not, you will sound really petty making a fuss about this poor woman helping your child.

If there was a reason, can't you trust your child to say so? If that's the case, maybe she shouldn't be going on sleepovers at all.

A 10 year old should know whether they can take over the counter painkillers, if not then honestly you've done a bit of a crap job as a parent.

Completely agree.

3 am? I’d be so so pissed off if you called to ask me about giving a low dose of ibuprofen to a 10 year old! At what age do you cease to take this ridiculous approach? Would you call the parents of a 15 year old at 3 am to ask if you can give them a paracetamol? As for parents who don’t want their kids having any painkillers, yes I was brought up by two such twats who would rather their kids suffered than give them something to relieve the pain because they “don’t believe in taking painkillers”. I’d have loved it if a friend’s parent gave me some pain relief when needed. Instead I had to wait until I was old enough to buy them myself.

Why would you need to tell someone your child is allergic to ibuprofen unless they’re expected to give her medicine?

In this case it’s been ok but it’s a big risk to give a child medication without knowing about allergies.

Also if my child was feeling unwell, I might want to collect them.

Surely your risk assessment would say that you can give these without Hving to ring a parent? Ours does!

What’s nuts is that you wouldn’t tell a parent in loco parents your child can’t have ibuprofen.

You don’t need a full medical history. Just the basics.

id say its neglectful not to protect your child with sharing this simple information.