Parent gave my child medicine without my consent

[Nanechange20123]

I want to know AIBU

My DD is 10

She went to a sleepover last night (Saturday night to Sunday morning) when I arrived to pick her up I didn't actually speak to the mum because she was on the phone, she waved to me from the other room. When my DD got in the car she said she had an ear ache last night and that the mum gave her some ibuprofen. The mum didn't contact me to ask me if it was OK. The mum has my number so there's no excuse. AIBU to think the mum should of contacted me to ask me if it was OK to give my DD the medicine? I wasn't busy and the mum knew this. I just know if it was the other way round I would of contacted the mum before hand regardless of whether a child told me it was okay or not. I'm fully hoping I am over thinking this.

A say yes but it's a minor. You should caln a parent/guardian.
I am really surprised how many people on MN thinking that it's isn't a safeguarding thing to hand out medication to a 10 yo at a playdate. But hey carry on but not with my children. They wouldn't go back for another playdate.

I would be pleased they took care of my child. A ten year old should know if they have allergies.

@ShetlandishMum what would you do then, leave your child in pain?

at no point in my post did i say any of what your saying.so not sure why your commenting to me

I'm a paediatrician. I don't know anyone who would ask a parent about taking a pain killer for a sore ear. She was doing you a favour.

Call the mum obviously and talk to her before giving any medication.
I would prefer to pick up my child if it needs painkillers on a playdate.

Wow. Get over it. She didn’t give your child a banned substance. I think any 10 year old would know if they had a drug allergy. And she was probably doing you a favour by not contacting you in the middle of the night. Seriously, the world has gone mad. I despair.

Do you realise in England and Wales the age of criminal responsibility is 10 years old? At 10 a child is old enough to tell an adult if they can or can not have ibuprofen. A parent sending a child to another house overnight is responsible to tell the other adults if their child has allergies, has asthma or reacts badly to OTC medication.

No wonder so many kids don't have sleepovers. Personally if I thought a parent was going to complain I helped their child, heaven forbid said child needed A&E, the call would have been to come pick up and deal with your child.

Would you have refused her the ibuprofen if the mum had’ve called you?

My child won't have a sleepover if you don't respect me. I leave my number and you call me if my minor child is sick and needs medication.
Simple as that.
Other parents can have it it their way.

I'd be buying chocolate for that parent if it was the youngest, very specific in how a tablet is taken 😂

At 10 mine knew where paracetamol/ibuprofen, Savlon and plasters etc were kept, when and how to take/use them. One also knew not to take aspirin due to being asthmatic. Clearly I'm a safe guarding nightmare for @ShetlandishMum

Well let her know in advance then-she's not psychic. How is she to know you're so uptight?

I think that when a kid goes to a sleepover you need to realise you are passing on responsibility to that parent. Unless it is a truly big decision ( and giving ibuprofen if the kid says they are not allergic is really a very small decision) then it is theirs to make.
Do you also want a phone call about ice cream after dinner, movie choices, bedtime etc etc?).
You might think ibuprofen was a big decision but they clearly did not.
If you trust them enough to have your child overnight then trust them to make ‘parental’ decisions in the moment.
It is actually really good developmentally for your child to have learnt that it was manageable to have some pain, manage it with another adult, stay at the sleepover and not have to check back in with mum for reassurance.
Thank the other mum for making a common sense decision, don’t berate her for it.

As a kid, I was given my first hay fever meds by a friend's parent on a sleepover. I went to them in the middle of the night, eyes streaming. Their kids have hay fever and they knew what to do. They were kind and calm and helped me. I truly appreciated it.

I'd have been pretty pissed off if, instead, they'd faffed around speaking to my parents, who had no experience with hay fever, or waited for them to come over because they had your level of need for control over me.

Common sense to call parents first.

I am honestly surprised that people think it's just okey dokey and I am a lot wiser now why a lot of children don't go on sleepovers.

Yep imagine the anxiety instilled in a child who has to have every tiny decision checked by mum first! At 10! Because no other adult could possibly be competent could they 🙄

Surely most parents would wonder why the heck they are being called and just go "ok don't you have any painkillers???" probably doesn't want to bother the parents about it.

@Nanechange20123 I think I may have given medicine before when unwell, I would have just wanted to make them as comfortable in my home as possible.

At 10, my DD was pretty clued-up on what she could and couldn’t have. I think most are at that stage.

YABU OP

I'm another one shocked that people think it was okay without consulting OP. You call the parent, Hey, Sarah says she has an earache. Should I give her ibuprofen? Would you like to speak with her?

It's as simple as that.

Why, what is going to happen? And you would really ruin their sleepover? What would you give them instead?

Some absolutely worrying replies on this thread.

If my child was unwell I would expect the mother at the sleepover to let me know.
And I certainly wouldn't expect her to give my child medication without discussing it with me.

Some pp seem to think 10 year olds are adults. And they seem to have no concept of parental responsibility.

There is a thread on here at the moment about what age to allow children certain kinds of independence. Some of you should read it.

I would most likely pick up my child if it is sick.

Me? Or?

Yes but you keep avoiding what you'd give them for the pain. Nothing then!