Parent gave my child medicine without my consent

[Nanechange20123]

I want to know AIBU

My DD is 10

She went to a sleepover last night (Saturday night to Sunday morning) when I arrived to pick her up I didn't actually speak to the mum because she was on the phone, she waved to me from the other room. When my DD got in the car she said she had an ear ache last night and that the mum gave her some ibuprofen. The mum didn't contact me to ask me if it was OK. The mum has my number so there's no excuse. AIBU to think the mum should of contacted me to ask me if it was OK to give my DD the medicine? I wasn't busy and the mum knew this. I just know if it was the other way round I would of contacted the mum before hand regardless of whether a child told me it was okay or not. I'm fully hoping I am over thinking this.

This is a 10 year old child we are talking about.
It isn't until she is 16 that parental consent is no longer required for administering medication to her.
The other parent is not in any position to make the judgement that the child is competent to make her own decisions about medication.

Ohh my child is much younger and has only ever stayed at grandparents. Grandparents are part of a WhatsApp group which parents and grandparents write in EVERY time he has any type of medicine. . . I still feel that grandparents would call me if medication was needed for a "new reason".

If staying at a friend's house... mmm. I can't imagine him staying out to be honest - but I know if he did, it would need to be with someone I felt totally comfortable with and trusted. That person would need to know my child incredibly well.

And quite simply, if it were me looking after another child, I'd ring before administering any medication at all.

I can 100% see why there's a breakdown in trust here.

I'd be finding this hard too, playing devil's advocate for a minute, let's say this is someone who you've known a long time, trust explicitly and this person knows your child almost as well as their own child - she felt certain you'd be ok with all of this but has got it wrong, she still needed to tell you!

I'd be looking to make my thoughts known but in a non confrontational way whilst also teaching my child the line "my parents have asked that I always get in touch with them before taking medicines they don't know about."

Why do you think that I wouldn't give anything?
Most likely I would.
It's not the same as another person does without my knowledge.

Really? It just wouldn't cross my mind to give a child a painkiller without consulting their parents first.

If it were a teenager, I think I'd still feel uneasy, would want to know if and when they last had medication in the last few days and if they've had it before.

Although Ibuprofen is readily available off the shelf, it's a medication that can interact badly with various other medications the patient might be taking.

The same can apply even to paracetamol and aspirin, so it's always best to check with a child's parents/guardians before offering them any kind of painkillers.

I would always ask a parent before giving any medicines. However, I don’t think I would be upset in this case if a parent didn’t ask me - it’s ibuprofen and the child doesn’t seem to have any major allergies or health conditions. I would just tell my DC that in future if something similar happens they should ask the parent to call me.

Any random poster can claim to be a paediatrician. It's very unlikely that a real paediatrician would be happy with children receiving medication from unqualified people who know nothing of their medical history, including other medications they may be currently taking.

I would have called her mum when she complained of earache. I wouldn’t even have got to the stage of giving her something.

A complete overeaction. Getting in the way of a friendship would be wrong, poor daughter. She just needs to mention it to the parent if the kid had allergies or she feels this strongly about it.

She should have ideally asked, yes, but presumably she may have thought you’d be sleeping and that if your DD had a severe allergy to ibuprofen, you would have said as such before letting her stay. Or alternatively, she just made a mistake and didn’t think to ask.

Given that no harm was done and it looks like the mum was just trying to help your daughter with her pain, I’d give her the benefit of the doubt and just have a polite word next time.

I wouldn’t be refusing to let DD stay over again, I think that’s a bit harsh. It does sound like the mum was just trying to help.

I’d just let her know that your DD had said she’d had earache and that she was given ibuprofen, thanks for helping but as DD has allergies can she check with you in future before giving her medication because you get worried about it.

It doesn’t really matter whether your DD actually has allergies or not, but it gives you a reasonable excuse to bring it up politely.

How did the conversation with your daughter go before giving the medicine?

If it was just “Take this” then maybe you have an issue.

If it was “Have you taken ibuprofen before? Was it a problem? When did you last eat? Do you want me to call your mum?” Then I think things are ok.

The time it was also matters.

People shouldn't just assume it's 'just' a little bit of aspirin or ibuprofen or paracetamol. (I'm severely allergic to one of those) You just can't tell what someone is allergic to and if this is the first time they are taking that medication, then it might be the first time they experience an allergy to it. In other words the child may not even know that they are allergic to the medication.

At 10 a child should have an idea that she has allergies like that.

If it was the first time she had an allergic reaction then what difference would having asked the mum make?

YABU

The parent acted sensibly and did what anyone would, or should, do in that situation. Ibuprofen is generally safe for children and if for any reason your daughter had an allergy to it she would surely know by 10 years old.

How would the child or the child's mum have known she had an allergy to a particular medication if she'd never had it before?

It is possible for severe allergies to lead to death so I think it would have made a difference to ask the mum first?

"Should have asked".

holefuly most parents would tell people about their kids deathly allergies if leaving them all night.

You don't always know them. Medication is tricky. You don't even know if a child has had ibuprofen before.
A lot of countries don't use it for young children.

It would be super inappropriate with a 2 year old, but with a 10 year old and a pretty mild medicine I think its pretty reasonable. If you don't want it to happen again just say something to her.

Overreaction, I would have just said thanks, it’s not crack.

To be clear you do not need to be 16 to consent to even quite serious medical procedures yourself. Children under the age of 16 can consent to their own treatment if they're believed to have enough intelligence, competence and understanding to fully appreciate what's involved in their treatment. This is known as being Gillick competent. For something as mild as Ibuprofen Gilick consent, whilst it is assessed on a case by case basis, might be considered to be as young as 12 at school.

To put it another way - do you really not think that your 10 year old has enough intelligence, competence, and understanding to fully appreciate what is involved in them having Ibuprofen?

Maybe just coincidence, but on this thread it seems that correct spelling of "consent" correlates with being at ease with what happened.

If it was the first time she had an allergic reaction then what difference would having asked the mum make?

Im allergic, we never had it in the house, I never gave it to my children - my mother is also allergic.

How would they know? Why would we test the theory as not to disrupt the play date?

She overstepped the mark when she gave the ibuprofen and she absolutely should have informed you at pick up.

(As for the paediatrician posting, which hospital are you in? Don’t you check if a child has had any drugs in the previous 24 hours before giving? Negligent not to, so I suggest you start.)

It’s remarkably easy to OD on these painkillers.

Some people are over confident or remarkably uninformed. Either way, I’d encourage further events with this child to happen at your own house.

Which hospital, Bones? You don’t check previous intake before administering pks to a child? That’s negligence.