Parent gave my child medicine without my consent

[Nanechange20123]

I want to know AIBU

My DD is 10

She went to a sleepover last night (Saturday night to Sunday morning) when I arrived to pick her up I didn't actually speak to the mum because she was on the phone, she waved to me from the other room. When my DD got in the car she said she had an ear ache last night and that the mum gave her some ibuprofen. The mum didn't contact me to ask me if it was OK. The mum has my number so there's no excuse. AIBU to think the mum should of contacted me to ask me if it was OK to give my DD the medicine? I wasn't busy and the mum knew this. I just know if it was the other way round I would of contacted the mum before hand regardless of whether a child told me it was okay or not. I'm fully hoping I am over thinking this.

Hmmmn If you’d said she was 5 YO over at her house on a play date, yes I would have been a bit miffed because you could have followed up with more medicine without knowing she’d recently had some etc because a 5 YO isn’t competent enough to tell you the facts of when they last had medicine but this is a 10 YO, I don’t think I could find myself being mad here.

My mother in law did this. Was quite easy to contact us as we were staying overnight locally. She said one child had a cough so gave them cough mixture? Cough was non existent the next day and hadn’t existed before we left. Anyway I checked the medicine cupboard and shed given him anti histamines not cough mixture. Swiftly told her not to do it again. He obviously hadn’t read the box.

That's not how Gillick competence works. The judgement is not based on whether the child is old enough, it's about whether the child has sufficient understanding to decide something for themselves (information and the capacity to understand it.)

Usually medical treatment consents ARE based on age, hence why Gillicks is used to assess if age can be disregarded.

Unless the other parent is a health care professional or similar versed in all of that, I think it's safe go assume she overstepped.

Is she meant to ring about every item of food and drink and give a list of ingredients just in case of a rare allergy? She treated your DD as she would her own you can't blame her for that.

Your DD is 10. She could open her mouth and say no thanks or can I check with mum if needed.

But if she’s had ibuprofen beforehand I wouldn’t expect her to be concerned and to make an informed choice herself.

I would have texted you first if your child was visiting me, but I certainly wouldn’t be angry if someone did this to my child.

Ibuprofen as a one off is very safe for the vast majority of children, and an average 10 year old is capable of knowing if they shouldn’t take it or have had some already that day.

Thank the mum for looking after your child, but say that next time you’d like her to ask you before giving any medication, even if it’s paracetamol at midnight. Case closed.

Years ago when the measles inoculation was just available, my two small children went to a party at the home of a classmate whose father was a GP - not ours. As a “going home present” he inoculated all the party children against measles and proudly announced it when we came to pick them up. I was furious he hadn’t asked for our consent but in retrospect it did them no harm and they never caught measles.

God people will moan about anything these days

Now that’s mental!

I had my niece stay recently. Poor baby had a dreadful cough in the night, eyes puffy, really struggling with a bad cold/flu type illness and kept coughing herself awake. I gave her Calpol. It was 2am.

It is a very basic level of care. Same as applying plasters, sun cream, cream to a sting etc… it’s a good reminder though that different parents have different expectations and it’s probably best to make it clear up front what you expect.

At what age do you stop doing this? What if Sarah is 11? 12? 13?

Yeah that’s the other extreme and totally wrong but also highly unlikely to have happened.

Yes really! 10 year olds should know if they’re able to take certain medication, goodness what age do you think they should be aware?

Agreed

This thread is wild with talk of gillick competence and age to consent to administration of medication (both of which are not even rules that apply here)

there is no legal requirement to ask a parent if you can administer medication that is bought OTC. The biggest worry here is anaphylaxis which can occur to food - would you all expect to be rang to check if the child has had every piece of food before or if they were allergic?

I completely understand that OPs preference would have been to have informed. I suspect that would be mine too. But there’s 3 people who have a responsibility here -

1)the parent to inform of any issues when leaving your child in someone else’s care,
2)the 10 year old (yes I would expect a 10 year old to be aware if they had anaphylaxis ! - my niece has a severe allergy to nuts and knew from a similar age to ask if there was nuts in everything she offered at friends houses because why wouldn’t you want to educate your child to protect them)
3)the parent having the sleepover

I don’t think it’s unreasonable for OP to feel a certain way and by all means take it up with the parent but then OP also needs to take responsibility to educate her child to not accept any medication without it being run past her mother, and explain that before dropping kids off if it really is that much of a problem.

Even if this is your preference, humans make errors and It’s not realistic to expect one person to always remember - for eg -perhaps she was about to call but one of the girls she was looking after fell over and that distracted her. So from a safety perspective if you’re really worried about the safety of any medication given @Nanechange20123 you a the parent shiuld put things in place to make sure errors don’t get missed.

This. Its a mild over counter anti inflammatory. Sold with very few restrictions, millions of adults make decisions to give it to the DC in their care every day without taking health advice.

Agree with this!!

also it wouldn’t upset me if another parent (who I trusted enough to host a sleepover) gave the correct dose of pain relief to my child who was in pain

This is a great response.

Personally I’d be fine with it at 10, but my child has allergies and has had it drilled into her since she was 5 that she needs to speak up about it and that adults won’t always know. I would expect her to say that ibuprofen/calpol is fine and she would probably have asked for the medication directly.

Depending on the time would depend on what I would do and it would also depend on the kid. Sons best friends I’d absolutely throw some painkillers down their neck at stupid o’clock in the morning to save me waking parents and I’d also send a text first thing in the morning to say I’d given x at y time.

new friend first time sleeping over don’t really know the parents. You bet I’d be calling to say x is complaining of y. Do you want to collect or happy for me to give pain relief?

i don’t think there is a right or wrong answer on this one more a judgement call on behalf of the other parent and your daughter. My son knew at that age to ask a trusted adult for pain relief if he was in pain and the importance of spacing doses. The only time I didn’t give pain relief was when he had a headache and I knew he hadn’t drank much that day. That’s when I would hold off and ask him to drink more before giving pain relief.

My child (similar age) cannot take ibruprofen for medical reasons related to blood clotting. It’s not the best first choice of painkiller for all kids and isn’t suitable for everyone. My child has been on many play dates (not sleep overs) and i don’t give a full medical history as I would expect a parent to call me if my child is unwell. In an emergency situation, where they couldn’t get hold of me and the child was in pain that would be different and the parent in charge would need to use best judgement, but j wouldn’t be happy if they gave medication without at least trying to check with me first.

school will always call me before giving medication like Calpol.

Are you sure you’re not misremembering one of Andrew Wakefield’s iniquities? He claimed to have paid guests at his son’s birthday party to give blood samples, but later denied it.

10? Definitely.
My 6 year old knows she’s allergic to penicillin and will always tell people.

She acted in good faith, but she has no manners.

You must not know a lot of people

From time of posting it’s clear the OP is overseas which makes these discussions a bit pointless given that parenting/ childcare norms vary wildly between countries.