Stick your fundraiser - the hardest test will be leaving my children for so long

[LifeIsAMeatball]

I’m yet again avoiding a community fundraiser for a man’s ego. He’s cycling Africa with some friends. It’ll be tough but the hardest bit “will be not seeing his kids for three or four months.”

Give me strength. I’ve already had to endure years of the group of school dads who spent every summer on the lads “fundraising trips” - Lands End to John O’Groats, London to Paris, Africa (yeah, it’s been done already), cross Europe, some of Europe that’s a bit vague but conveniently ends in Ibiza during party season.

I’m assertive enough to say no but these things get the whole community behind them. You can’t go to the pub, shop, hairdressers or even the bloody dog groomers without someone rattling a tin for the local hero.

Meanwhile, there’s yet another woman at home about to solo parent with no plaudits - and would she even dare to argue her lot given the whole community thinks he is amazing?

This particular fine specimen enjoys free drinks at the pub to celebrate him before he leaves in 3 weeks. His wife is at home with a four week old, a 3 year old with additional needs and a six year old.

What a dick comment! 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

Yes it would. I'd be much more willing to sponsor someone who was actually doing something useful.

If we are only outraged at things that are bugger all to do with us mumsnet would have to close down 😁

'Social value leave ' ....well iv heard it all now

It’s quite unusual it’s the woman, but not unheard of. My friend is in the film industry and stopped whilst her child was small.

Mrs Attenborough is also a bit of a hero

FFS

She’s being bloody ASKED to be invested in it by giving money!!!

No, the baby won't care about the reason, but that doesn't make it ok? Personally, I wouldn't judge someone in the military for having to leave their family for a long period of time. But doing it for a charity bike ride? I'm afraid I would. Especially if they have a tiny baby and a toddler with additional needs. The 6 year old might be able to understand better but I'm sure it will still be very upsetting for them too. I'm sure there are a myriad of other less damaging ways to raise money

I always think these things are paying for soneone to have a free adventure.

If it was about charity the whole amount raised could go to the cause, instead its funding a 4 month trip he otherwise couldnt afford.

Id have no shame saying no, if I want to give to charity I like to see the charity spending the money on services or research not funding holidays.

Yes.

But how much will actually go to the charity after all their trip expenses?
Surely it will be more beneficial if everyone donated directly to the charity and “Captain Do Good” funds his own fantasy ride in the charities name

It’s not something I would have tolerated, especially when we had young children. I do think it’s a certain type of man who does these things. The women who marry them must know what they’re like before they have children with them surely? I don’t think it’s acceptable to leave for such a long period of time though. Very selfish, despite being dressed up as being for charity.

I remember seeing a documentary about Mark Cavendish and his wife talking about having a newborn and crying in their kitchen when he left for training camp. I felt desperately sorry for her. Of course it’s different in terms of it being a necessary part of his job, but it was difficult to watch.

I find the 'sponsor my teen' pleading on fb irritating beyond belief, said teen is 'going to Africa to help the children' , oh yeah, so what skills does your perfectly average teen have that will help 'the children'?
Literally every day advertising their funding page.

I was at a sports event yesterday and even DH commented on the amount of women pushing a buggy with a picnic , dog lead in one hand and keeping an eye on another child running round. Whist the men did the sport and had beers and free food from the stands.
It’s getting better ( there were women’s teams although few seemed to have men and children on the sidelines) but I totally see your point OP.

I agree. If they want to go then they should get a job and earn it.

Hmm I’m not sure op - it’s surely up to his wife whether she minds or not ?

I personally wouldn’t mind this - provided I can do something similar myself another time

I think it’s important to still do things you love and enjoy and things you did before you had a family.

im going away and leaving my 2 & 5 year old for a month to travel around India with my friend for my 40th birthday - my husband paid for it and and has lined up some extra childcare/ help to make it work so he can still manage to work and juggle everything at home

That is so amazing. Hope you have the best time. How exciting also what a blessing DH organised all that for you.

Yes I've never understood this kind of fundraising. I don't give a toss if you run a marathon, do a sky dive, climb a mountain or cycle across Africa. I would rather pay donations directly to charities that are important to me. Those activities are just your hobbies and provide no value to anyone else

I think these trips could be improved if there was some way of guaranteeing that all funds raised would go to the chosen cause, with the individual concerned covering their own expenses from their own pockets. So they're basically paying for their own adventure.

Because she's been pestered to cough up to acknowledge the wondrousness of this plan?

Why does starting a thread for discussion purposes have to mean you are "so invested"? If you don't want to contribute to the discussion, just move on.

But this isn’t private behaviour at home, this is public behaviour that is being lauded about as exceptionally unselfish and ‘heroic’ where as the reality is that being at home would be much harder and require much more selflessness.

You don’t know that. My friend went to
do various adventure walks and funded it all
himself, but gained sponsorship to raise money for a cause. He was explicit about that (or I’d not have given him anything!).

I had a relative travel somewhere overseas to raise money for some sort of travel. The entire family knew she only did it to get people to pay for her holiday. We suspect she hit up a rich uncle for money because she did go on the holiday.

It is an excuse for a vacation. It’s utterly disgusting a man doing this when he has young children at home.

I've no issue with fund raising I'm doing a trek in July for Macmillan and have raised a few hundred pounds, all of which goes to the charity. I do however know a woman who is doing a multi day trek abroad for the 3rd year running for a charity. I refuse to sponsor her as only 50% of the money raised goes to the charity. She's struggling to get the minimum amount of sponsorship as everyone is fed up of every year been expected to donate money, attend fund raising events etc. She could afford to pay the minimum herself and then anything else raised would go to the charity but she chooses not to.

You still have to question the "social value" of all those air miles. It's not as if cycling across Africa has any social use in itself whatsoever.

Wouldn't it be more use to that local charity if these heroes donated the cost of their air fares, hotels etc and stayed at home?