Stick your fundraiser - the hardest test will be leaving my children for so long

[LifeIsAMeatball]

I’m yet again avoiding a community fundraiser for a man’s ego. He’s cycling Africa with some friends. It’ll be tough but the hardest bit “will be not seeing his kids for three or four months.”

Give me strength. I’ve already had to endure years of the group of school dads who spent every summer on the lads “fundraising trips” - Lands End to John O’Groats, London to Paris, Africa (yeah, it’s been done already), cross Europe, some of Europe that’s a bit vague but conveniently ends in Ibiza during party season.

I’m assertive enough to say no but these things get the whole community behind them. You can’t go to the pub, shop, hairdressers or even the bloody dog groomers without someone rattling a tin for the local hero.

Meanwhile, there’s yet another woman at home about to solo parent with no plaudits - and would she even dare to argue her lot given the whole community thinks he is amazing?

This particular fine specimen enjoys free drinks at the pub to celebrate him before he leaves in 3 weeks. His wife is at home with a four week old, a 3 year old with additional needs and a six year old.

A newborn, a toddler with SN and an infants school kid. He sounds like a monster leaving his wife to deal with that level of work. So he can pursue his hobby with freedom and get patted on the back.

I mean even after the narc hero returns, she will still be married to him and have to suffer his outrageous egotistical shite.

She could use the 3/4 months time to move house and prepare for divorce, especially if she has helpful parents with deep pockets.

The only thing that is annoying about you is the total inability to read/ comprehend what is written.

hmm perhaps thats you that can't read and understand whats written

You really don't seem to understand manipulation and inbalance of power. Be very grateful you don't but unfortunately many of us do. There is no "of course he asked her" in certain relationships.

Please re-read your post and the OP.

I hate these trekking, marathon sponsorships.
Those who have funded, the flight, the equipment, the support team, the paperwork (yes there will be visas and bribes) should have just said to the charity, ‘Here you are and I’ll tell my tax man that £1000 has bought a nursing time/electric bed to use immediately’.
Meanwhile, Jon and his pub mates can cycle around the village duck pond, for the same distance it takes to get to Durban.

I marshal a motorbike events where the bikers pay to go on public roads to get from A to B and then donate, donate from their hard week wage at the destination.

The interesting thing is how many people support these jolly’s and think they’re doing a wonderful thing rather than saying Christ Dave, do you really think it’s a great idea to leave your kids and post partum wife for 3 months for a hobby ride through one of the most dangerous places on earth?

Basically child abandonment with a sickly veneer of sanctimony. It's hideous.

I know people on here get annoyed when the Mail Online discusses Mumsnet threads but honestly in this case, I think it's an issue that does need to be talked about. Judging from the responses it seems to be a growing trend.

.... The divorce came out of nowhere....

Who's "you"?

The OP isn't married to this man.

There's always one.

Your children are adults, not a baby or young child with additional needs, and you paid for your trip.

So how is this relevant to the OP, other than to virtue signal about a tenuously connected holiday you had?

Thanks for marking my homework. 📚

One of the people in this story is a complete twat and it’s not you or your friend with a brain tumour. I’m so sorry for your loss. 💐

What’s annoying is that it would be better for people to donate directly to this good cause, rather than paying for this lad’s trip. And his wife and child wouldn’t be left at home!

Id tell him I was donating directly if I lived nearby.

And if I was his employer, I’d say “like fuck you are, charity begins at home, now go parent your children and support your wife!”

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing exactly. This kind I'd thing is just showboating at the expense of generous locals and his wife and kid's time.

I can just imagine the lynching the mum would get if she decided to go and her leave three young children for 4 months to go cycling.

There's absolutely nothing heroic about this.

Could you donate directly to the charity? As you support the cause, but not their extended cycling holiday.

I'd have turned up at their door the following weekend "so nice of you to start this tradition of giving one of us a break while the other is away, looks like I'll be seeing a lot more of you! I'm afraid you'll be unlikely to see DH though...come on kids, in we go"

I hope his wife enjoys the peace his absence will bring. I can only imagine the constant waffle about protein shakes, bike saddles getting lost in the post, and washing instructions for Lycra, while she's dabbing his bum cheeks with surgical spirit.

Unfortunately for her she has a four week old baby...I find his attitude unbelievably callous, she will be burned out, sleep deprived and coping with two other children. She's the one performing an amazing feat, not him. In fact, I think OP should sponsor the mother for valour in the face of male assholery and send the money to the charity of her choice.

I was thinking this too.

Does the wife not have any hobbies or a job?

What a stunning and brave white saviour he must be!

But how much do they actually benefit? Surely the first £6-7K raised is paying his basic expenses (flights, hotels, food)

With 3 small children and a fairly absent partner I doubt she has that much spare time!

What a fucking bellend

I hope his wife realises she copes just fine on her own and bins him off

How many mums with a 4 week old baby have much time for either?