To be sceptical about the reasons a carer wants to adopt my adult disabled brother?

[EasyEV]

Hello, I have added this question here as I can't find a carer topic.

My brother is 49 and mentally disabled. He lives on the other side of the country with a Shared Lives carer. He has been with her for 2.5 years. Before that he lived with our father until Dad passed away.

She gives good care and our brother is happy. However, she is a forceful lady and can be difficult to communicate and work with. However, we always put our ego to one side and think about the bigger picture for our brother's sake. Shared Lives even tried to deregister her about 9 months ago due to her attitude to meeting their guidelines and processes. It was more about red tape than her care of our brother.

She won on appeal and is on probation whilst they ensure she meets the CQC requirements on training etc.

We have our brother for a week at the moment. We aren't officially respite for the carer, as we just want to see him at our home and spoil him a bit. He he told us that the carer has asked to legally adopt him. He is very easily manipulated and as he is with her 24/7, she could easily bend to her will. She has already alienated him from one sister because she doesn't like the sister.

This is freaking us all out. He is our brother. I don't trust the carers reasoning for wanting to adopt him. I think it is because all his siblings keep a close eye on him and her personality means she doesn't like that oversight. I also feel guilty as we are not prepared to look after him 24/7. We probably have him for about 3 weeks a year across the year.

We don't have an LPA but could set one up, but I am not sure that would protect us/him? Am I being unreasonable in my attitude to this?

No registrar should marry them if your brother lacks capacity. But just having a learning disability doesn’t mean he will lack capacity to get married, not at all. The bar for having the capacity to marry is set quite low. Also registrars vary greatly in terms of being able to spot vulnerable adults and prevent marriages from taking place.
But, why do you think that might even be a possibility? Has your brother mentioned anything along those lines?

That could be discussed with various services and agencies.
What cannot happen from my perspective, is nothing.

Presumably he would have to have capacity ?

Well the 0ps brother deserves good care for a start not just anyone ,paticuculatly domone who is coming across as manipulative.

What does she mean by legally adopt an adult ?

I think she may be after LPA?

I work in the same area as you and have met carers like this. They pull the wool over everyone else's eyes for a while and are very manipulative and dangerous.

Who manages this man 's money benefits etc ?

I nearly fell for it completely once.

As PP have said, you cannot apply for LPA. Your brother would have to do that. You could of course give him the forms, but he would need to understand what the forms mean, and sign them. It sounds like he cannot do that, so you need to apply for a deputyship.

I realise you don't want to rock the boat because your brother seems to be happy, and it would be hard to find another carer. But this carer sounds completely unsuitable.

Hello, to answer some points. Our brother is deemed to have capacity. Although personally i think its a grey area. He is easily manipulated. He has not mentioned marriage, that was from a previous comment. He has mentioned a discussion with his carer where she said she would adopt him. As i didnt know you cant adopt an adult, it wouldnt surprise me if his carer didnt know. Lets hope she hasnt thought of marriage. She is too old to get pregnant.

There is another local Shared Lives placement to him, but his carer doeant like them. They were her respite and originally our brother liked them. They raised safeguarding about her and she said she believes it waa vindictive and was aimed at 'getting' our brother. She now refuses to send him there and he has said he doeant like them.

However, there are no othera in the right location.

He is happy. He would be devistated to have to move. This is why we dont want to do anything until we are certain. His carer is already on a sticky wicket and any complaint by family to his Social Worker or Shared Lives would most likely be the final nail in her coffin. It iant that we dont care or are unaware, its that we are looking big picture for our brothers overall happiness.

When she went to panel with the recommendation to deregister, we knew that was a bad sign. If we hadnt seen how well our brother looked and how happy he is, i would want him removed. But there are no guarantees at where he will be placed. It could be horrendous. Far worse than now.

We were just freaked when he said about adoption and it waa on top of everything else.

Raise your concerns with the organisation again and again (if and when you have them, with evidence, within a well put together letter). And that’s it. You’re not able to take on his care, she isn’t able to adopt him. Hopefully she will be removed and replaced, but you don’t want to cause something to be done in an emergency resulting in a rushed forward plan such as a care facility that isn’t ideal. Pass on your concerns, show that you are present in his life so they don’t ignore, and let them deal with it.

You can’t apply for an LPof A. Your brother has to give you LPofA (he would have to sign, with someone providing a certificate to say he has capacity to make this decision). If your brother lacks capacity to make decisions about care, accommodation, health care, money, property you can apply for Deputyship at the Court of Protection.

But then he might end up being moved miles away, or put in a care home, or in a shared house with carers popping in.
It's not like ending this placement will definitely result in something better.

This

I see exactly why you’re hesitating, OP, but I do also think she sounds dangerous.

Sorry, I kniw you have legitimate concerns about him moving but she sounds dodgy AF.

Have she had any unannounced visits? Have you seen inside her home??

Would the other carers who put in a safeguarding complaint about her have him back?

Do you live in the UK? There are supported living houses where your brother could live with people with learning disabilities. Its a really good service and you still get to spend time with your brother as you do now. Unfortunately I dont have a good feeling about this woman's motives. It sounds like shes doing it for the money and if shes already cut one sister off, it wont be long before she cuts all his family off.

One sister and the other carers who had safeguarding concerns about her.

For thos saying the brother gets benefits and th carer wants those. I'm a Shared Life Carer and every penny her brother spends has to be accounted for. I keep a spreadsheet for the 3 people with learning disabilities I care for. I put in what they withdraw from cash till then they keep receipts to show what they spent money on. The money from PIP goes into their own bank accounts and I do this in case I am audited. They decide how to spend their own money but as their a pointer I occasionally point out to them if something they want looks very expensive or I think they can get same item cheaper elsewhere.

All Shared Lives Carers have both planned and unannounced visits where the SW speaks with the person receiving care privately as well as speaks with the carer. A visit happens roughly every 8-12 weeks but the person being cared for might also see SW in-between too.

Presumably you also get paid though? Caring for a disabled adult in your own home might also come with additional financial protections, e.g. in Universal Credit, not being subject to a bedroom tax if you rent etc. You might be scrupulous in your accounting of their PIP etc, but others might not be. It's not hard to see how, if someone is a bad actor, they can exploit a disabled person financially. It's rare, but obviously not impossible.

The person who had me fooled over the care and exploitation of disabled person, in the end it turned out she actually saw her position as quite cushy, even for the modest financial gain because she provided such a basic, low effort version of "care" doing whatever she wanted to do basically. It was horrible when it unfolded.

I guess that is slightly more reassuring, although terrible things can still happen to people who have unnanounced social worker visits or commissioner visits.

He also surely gets an allowance though ?
So she could be taking that also on top of her 600 ?

@EasyEVwhen you say your brother is ‘deemed to have capacity’, it doesn’t really work like that. Capacity is decision specific. A person can have capacity for some things and not others.

Yes I do get paid for caring for 3 late teens with learning disabilities I care for. All cooking meals, washing laundry, changing bedding, reminding them to shower, setting out clean clothes for them to wear each day, driving them to all appointments and accompanying them to all UC appointments, dentist, GP appointments, as well as driving them to football training and matches as they all play for disability teams, cricket training and they play for different teams so 3 lots of driving to and from matches to and fro. Taking them to see family and former foster carers and collecting them after. Things most teens can manage alone like catching a bus or getting their hair cut these people can't do unless accompanied so it's a lot of commitment. On top all admin for them so all have a spreadsheet of their pip and UC finances. Shared Lives determin how much of their UC they pay for their room and food but they pay £26.07 per week for all food etc. less than £4 per day each. I spend a lot more than that on their meals. They have a home cooked meals almost every day but I do occasionally treat them to a takeaway.