To be sceptical about the reasons a carer wants to adopt my adult disabled brother?

[EasyEV]

Hello, I have added this question here as I can't find a carer topic.

My brother is 49 and mentally disabled. He lives on the other side of the country with a Shared Lives carer. He has been with her for 2.5 years. Before that he lived with our father until Dad passed away.

She gives good care and our brother is happy. However, she is a forceful lady and can be difficult to communicate and work with. However, we always put our ego to one side and think about the bigger picture for our brother's sake. Shared Lives even tried to deregister her about 9 months ago due to her attitude to meeting their guidelines and processes. It was more about red tape than her care of our brother.

She won on appeal and is on probation whilst they ensure she meets the CQC requirements on training etc.

We have our brother for a week at the moment. We aren't officially respite for the carer, as we just want to see him at our home and spoil him a bit. He he told us that the carer has asked to legally adopt him. He is very easily manipulated and as he is with her 24/7, she could easily bend to her will. She has already alienated him from one sister because she doesn't like the sister.

This is freaking us all out. He is our brother. I don't trust the carers reasoning for wanting to adopt him. I think it is because all his siblings keep a close eye on him and her personality means she doesn't like that oversight. I also feel guilty as we are not prepared to look after him 24/7. We probably have him for about 3 weeks a year across the year.

We don't have an LPA but could set one up, but I am not sure that would protect us/him? Am I being unreasonable in my attitude to this?

The caring allowance is the £600. The allowance I get is under £400. It's different depending on where you live.

You can't adopt an adult. If he lacks capacity I would suggest you apply for deputyship for health welfare and finance. You would then be able to make decisions in his best interests providing he lacks capacity. She won't be able to do that as would be a conflict of interests.

Not everywhere that offers assisted living for people with the same challenges as your brother is an ‘institution’. I don’t know where in the country you are, but there are charities like SJOG UK that have options that are absolutely focused on the person and their wellbeing, and they live in normal houses in residential areas, with staff who get to know them properly, help them explore their interests, etc.

So if there isn’t a Shared Lives alternative to this current carer, there may yet be other options to explore. And not all look like being warehoused away from the general population in a psychiatric unit. But with my safeguarding hat on, unless your brother has misreported what she said, I would have concerns and would escalate.

Your brother is deemed to have capacity, you should all apply for full lasting power of attorney asap.

my sibling lives in supported accommodation and has carers 5 times a day. They are a wheelchair user and severely mentally and physically disabled. I have full LPA and am involved in their lives on a daily occurrence (remotely) but it pays for peace of mind.

I really don't think that's something you need to worry about. She is in a position of trust with a person that lacks capacity. Any improper relationship would see her removed as a shared lives carer and your brother removed under safeguarding / her potentially prosecuted.

He could end up with no carer at all if you complain . What are you basing your views of this lady on ? Is it something that your brother has said . If he is happy and cared for then that's the most important thing surely or would you be happy with him living with you ! He could end up in a care home or in a single room .

£600 a week for 24/7 care? One person? That’s not legal

If he has a self directed care budget for 1-1 care can he not use it to employ someone else? He wouldn’t need a nursing home if he has already had needs assessment and entitled to a large package of care

I do know what caring entails. I have two severely disabled children who will require 24/7 care for rest of their lives. I also worked in related fields although I have less experience with adults.

So, is Shared Lives not 'employment' then? Or do you get a wage on top of the amount from their UC for food and board?

She cannot adopt him. She is probably just playing to his needs. I wouldn’t worry about it.

He will also get his own money which she can control

A point on LPAs. The one for health doesn't kick in until the donor is deemed to have lost capacity. The one for finance can start immediately the LPA is registered. I completed the form on behalf of my father and he signed it (I also completed the deputyship forms in case he was assessed not to have capacity). You need a 'certificate provider' - someone who has known the donor for several years and is prepared to talk through the form with them. If such a person is not available you can use a solicitor who understands the Mental Health Act or another agency. I used a company called Simply Social Work. They went in prepared to assess for LPA with the fall back of deputyship if they deemed lack of capacity. They spent over an hour chatting with my father to put him at ease, explained what they were going to do and then made their assessment. Capacity is judged 'in the moment' and at that time he was judged to have it. (A week later and deputyship would have been needed.) Nobody else is present during the assessment so there isn't any external pressure put on the donor. Be prepared for both but start with the LPA.

I agree with the suggestion to speak to his social worker and take it from there. I hope you are able to sort it out in a way that isn't too distressing for your brother or you and your other siblings.

Do you have the contact details of the former respite carer? Can you contact them and ask for their side, and find out if they are available, should you chose to complain about the current?

OP, LPoA and Deputyship are two different things. If your brother is deemed to have capacity and wants you to apply (and or the other brothers and sisters) then you can apply and will likely get LPoA. Deputyship is for circumstances when your brother does not have capacity and is a bit more complex to organise. I am sure you love your brother but you need to be more organised. Without this type of paperwork you are not going to get very far in advocatiing for him. Is he happy, safe, secure, clean? Does he get to medical appointments and to his activities? - would a move be worse - yes, quite likely. Is she after his UC and PIP? - maybe? Does he have enough points for a mobility car - then again maybe that is where she's going.

It sounds concerning.
Like coercive control esp with isolating him from other people or facilities.

Predatory marriage is a real thing.
Does he appear obviously disabled to a stranger say if he accompanied her to a registrar...?

Capacity under the Mental Capacity Acy is decision and time specific. That means any significant decision needs to be throughly explored, giving appropriate support, at the time of the decision.
Sorry if this has been mentioned before, not RTFT.

even if you could adopt an adult why would she want to she’d stop getting paid, same for marrying him, she’d stop getting the wage she gets now and benefits wouldn’t come close.

Does he live in rented accommodation?

The risk outweighs the benefits here OP. A safeguarding complaint from respite family and appearing before a board to de register in addition to your observed behaviours…

It is possible that she is looking after your brother for valid reasons, because she's good at it, likes the work and is paid. Not everyone in care work is out to rip off or manipulate those they care for as most PPs seem to think. Caring for a disabled adult is hard work, as you say OP.

It sounds like you are doing really well handling the situation. You are clearly putting your brother's interests first. Hats off to you.

He lives in the foster carer's home.

Exactly...and describing DB as "mentally disabled" doesn't sound fully involved and understanding DBs situation.

Group homes that people are describing are often run for profit...single unsuitable rooms in an ordinary house, not well maintained. Carers who pop in morning and evening (maybe), help to shop on a specific day...often ready meals...not at all the same as being part of a home with someone there.

I work with people with learning disabilities and these lovely people sometimes share things so credibly that are objectively untrue from my own hearing but are the truth to THEIR understanding...could it be that DB wants to be part of a family where he lives...that wouldn't be too unusual we all long for belonging

Hi OP I also have a sibling with additional support needs. In my situation it’s a learning disability. They are in supported accommodation 24/7. Our family sees her twice weekly and we have Financial and Welfare Guardianship. I’ve also worked as a carer for adults with varying disabilities.
It’s highly unusual for an organisation to have such concerns and formally pursue them; the fact they have is already a red flag.
I would actually immediately raise concerns with Adult Safeguarding regarding adoption. The fact the carer has mentioned this directly to your brother is highly manipulative, shows lack of basic knowledge/research and indicates financial motivation.
If the placement broke down, the Council would have to assess his needs and put in place an adequate support package. I understand how distressing this change may be but it does sound like the carer is very near the end of the line in terms of her employment; it may be better to plan for a move now than wait for things to breakdown.
There’s a lot more I could add, feel free to PM if I can help further.

@EasyEVsending sympathies. What an incredibly difficult situation you’re in. Sending very best wishes,

I wish I had some useful suggestions for you