To be sceptical about the reasons a carer wants to adopt my adult disabled brother?

[EasyEV]

Hello, I have added this question here as I can't find a carer topic.

My brother is 49 and mentally disabled. He lives on the other side of the country with a Shared Lives carer. He has been with her for 2.5 years. Before that he lived with our father until Dad passed away.

She gives good care and our brother is happy. However, she is a forceful lady and can be difficult to communicate and work with. However, we always put our ego to one side and think about the bigger picture for our brother's sake. Shared Lives even tried to deregister her about 9 months ago due to her attitude to meeting their guidelines and processes. It was more about red tape than her care of our brother.

She won on appeal and is on probation whilst they ensure she meets the CQC requirements on training etc.

We have our brother for a week at the moment. We aren't officially respite for the carer, as we just want to see him at our home and spoil him a bit. He he told us that the carer has asked to legally adopt him. He is very easily manipulated and as he is with her 24/7, she could easily bend to her will. She has already alienated him from one sister because she doesn't like the sister.

This is freaking us all out. He is our brother. I don't trust the carers reasoning for wanting to adopt him. I think it is because all his siblings keep a close eye on him and her personality means she doesn't like that oversight. I also feel guilty as we are not prepared to look after him 24/7. We probably have him for about 3 weeks a year across the year.

We don't have an LPA but could set one up, but I am not sure that would protect us/him? Am I being unreasonable in my attitude to this?

There is also a huge shortage of both Foster Carers and Shared Lives Carers in the UK. I have heard of individuals with quite severe learning disabilities having to live in a room in a shared house and just get a carer going in a few hours each week because there are no placements available for them to live within a family home to be cared for. I care for 3 late teen adults with learning disabilities so can't look after any more. However we are quite worried about one person in early thirtys we know with learning disabilities who is stuck in a room with very little support. He wears dirty smelly clothes and eats junk food because he can't cook or care for himself. I feel bad for him because when his Mum was alive she cared for him and he always looked smart and clean and didn't smell. Now his Mum is dead he has no one else and SS should get him a placement but they have told him they don't have any availability of Shared Lives spaces for him to access. Even through this carer your brother has doesn't sound very good she might be better than no placement and your brother having to live alone with no one to care for him in a shared room with a carer just popping in twice a week.

Would inform the organisation about what your brother said, in his words, in simple, factual terms.

Who takes legal / financial / health decisions about your brother at present?

OP has already said he has no property or money.

^ he will have state benefits.

She can't apply for adoption as that stops at 18.
You could look at applying for deputyship through the Court of Protection. This could also be what she is thinking of doing. It gives people control over what is in the persons best interests. If your brother lacks capacity the he can't give people lasting power of attorney, it has to be sorted through deputyship.
https://www.gov.uk/become-deputy

I suspect she was being nice and saying I would love to adopt you, knowing perfectly well she can't, just a friendly thing to say. It does sound like she is fond of him which is great really you hear so much about carers not being nice behind closed doors. I would think twice about trying to split them up it could be very detrimental to his quality of life, which sounds happy at the minute.

This is it in a nutshell. She isn't ideal, but our brother is happy and I don't believe ideal exists. That red line you mention is where is gets difficult. When he said he was going to be adopted by his carer (not knowing that wasn't possible), was when the red line shone bright. However, even though it isn't possible, it has thrown up some big questions for us as a family.

Any form of complaint would mean immediate removal from her care. We have to be 100% sure that would be in our brother's best interest. We are not 10% sure.

I am now freaking out about her possibly marrying him!!!!!!

@EasyEV you've been honest about not having the penny and the bun. Your brother will be pulling in a substantial amount in benefits with high needs. It honestly sounds as though she wants to find a way to protect her income in the event that her Shared Lives contract ends.
It isn't OK but alternatives are thin on the ground if he's being well cared for overall.
You could contact Mencap for advice?

What outcome would you like for your brother?

@EasyEV you've been honest about not having the penny and the bun. Your brother will be pulling in a substantial amount in benefits with high needs. It honestly sounds as though she wants to find a way to protect her income in the event that her Shared Lives contract ends.
It isn't OK but alternatives are thin on the ground if he's being well cared for overall.
You could contact Mencap for advice?

I will apply for an LPA initially as it takes a few weeks. All siblings will be on it, not just me.

Then I will look at Deputyship. I don't fully trust the carer. However, we all double check ourselves that we don't want to 'win' and we want to do what is best for our brother, even if the carer thinks she has 'won'.

This is a very tricky situation but one that has to be addressed. This lady is already on shaky ground with what's happened. Unfortunately I think you have to report this latest behaviour.
There is a safeguarding concern as well due to him being a vulnerable adult.
The carer probably knows how tricky it is to find carers, so can behave how she wants, but this is your brother. You care about his wellbeing, she cares about him for financial reasons only.
Whilst you don't know what the alternative is, leaving him with someone who is abusing their caring role and their charge isn't right either.
You have to trust that an alternative option will be available which will be safer for your brother.

Yiu cannot get lpa unless he has capacity.
It is either lpa if he has capacity
Or deputy shipif he does not.
Does he have capacity or not

I will also contact MENCAP helpline for advice. At least that means I won't set any hares running with Adult Social Services. I can be up front with them and they know the situation with lack of carers and likely alternatives too.

This is unfair. Shared lives carers earn 5x what family carers receive. Would you quit your job, sacrifice your children’s lives and not be able to afford rent in order to care for your brother? Where and how would you house him? How would you afford food?

I cannot see how any Registrar would marry them. But, she is clearly inappropriate.
Does anyone do a visit - not told of in advance ? I would. I would want to see the living arrangements first hand. Despite what your brother says about being happy. Someone controlling can tell him to say that.
I really would not continue with her.
I would seek to obtain legal responsibility for his finances and health decisions.
If Social services and the CQC don’t like her - seriously. She is not good news.

How is it unfair, the OP has said she doesn't want to care for him?

If they don't continue with her, where would he go though? That's the issue the OP has.

Does your brother have a social worker ? Contact them or his local adult social care. She sounds very controlling and it’s concerning that she has already alienated one sister. Plus she’s now on probation. is it possible she’s trying to gain control of his finances / benefits ? You could make a complaint and take it from there, it is a safeguarding issue.

How old is the carer? Any chance she could get pregnant?
If she is de registered, how will she get the money to be able to care for him? I don't understand what exactly is her plan.

No, no, no - I have disabled children and have met people like this woman (only a small number). A weird, disability 'Hand that Rocks the Cradle' vibe.

Just because she agrees to look after your brother with his challenging behaviour and can complete the basic care tasks does not make her an adequate carer. You should be absolutely alarmed that her company want to fire her because she can't follow CQC rules (which are there to protect disabled people), that she alienates loved family members who she dislikes, that she breaks data protection and that you don't trust her. Those are exploitative and abusive actions. Abuse doesn't always look like hitting people. If she won't follow any rules, how do you even know that the other aspects of her care are ok?

She can be replaced with someone who won't abuse or exploit your brother. I can bet my bottom dollar that if you don't act fast and she gets a whiff of any distrust, she'll put in a safeguarding accusation against you and your siblings and you won't even be able to see your brother. ITV have done recent stories on this.

Sorry, I don't want to scare you but I've lived and worked in the learning disabled community for a while now and your situation has red flags all over it.

I'm sure the company can replace her. If not, there would be emergency planning meetings with adult social care etc.

Oh, I've just realised the care is in this woman's own home. I think although upheaval would be hard, they could hopefully find a different shared lives carer or different living situation. Alienating family members and not following basic CQC standards (while getting paid for providing this care!) etc is abuse and you can't keep someone in a situation like that to avoid the trouble of moving (even understanding how traumatic moving would be)

LPA isn't the way to go with an adult with LD. He would need to have the capacity to consent to it (which he may or may not have) and if he does have capacity to consent to it you won't be able to use it until he doesn't have capacity.

Deputyship is the way to go if you want control of his affairs. It is a longer, more complicated process but if his carer is a nightmare I'm sure you'd have Social Care's support.

There's a reputable UK charity called Sibs that has a private but active Facebook group, for people in situations like ours (I also have a brother with LD). Definitely worth checking it out.

There isn't a company, she is a foster carer - there's a huge shortage of foster carers so it is very unlikely the LA will just find a new, better carer.

Yeah, I just realised that, apologies.

Who even knows how this brother is living though? I understand how hard it would be to have him moved to a different situation but I really would be so worried about what the OP is describing.