AIBU to not want them to drop in randomly to watch trains?

[FlatPat]

I’ve recently moved to a home that’s close to a train station and opposite the track. A friend and her son who is autistic(As am I) have randomly appeared to see X or Y train. Most of the trains that pass are your standard passenger or freight trains but we do have a few better/well known ones passing through.

I don’t mind them visiting the odd time with advance warning but not just dropping in randomly especially as you can go to the train station to see them pass through or get almost the same view from elsewhere though I appreciate it’s more comfortable sitting in someone’s living room.

AIBU to gently suggest that they go to the train station instead?

TIA

I think you need to focus on the random drop ins, rather than the reason. It'll become his routine and if you're autistic yourself it'll probably be a bit anxiety inducing.

Tell her you don't want drop ins and she'll have to arrange a time to come. It's a normal expectation of people.

Maybe tell her to look at timetables for special trains and give you advance notice.

Women are always expected to 'be kind'. Does my head in.

Your “friend” is RUDE op!!’ Rude and using you and not a friend!!! Make it very clear to her that you will not be opening the door if she turns up with no warning - or asking politely if it’s convenient is the normal thing!! - and that you have already told her you don’t want her and her son turning up on your doorstep and she’s being very rude and entitled ignoring you STILL doing it!!!

Tell them to bog off. They can go and sit in a train station of the kid is so obsessed.

Your house. Your boundaries. Just tell her or don’t answer the door.

Why don't they go onto the station platform? Steam trains often pass through our local station, and stop for about 20 minutes to take on water. There are always enthusiasts on the station platforms. Much more fun than watching through a window!

My autistic son is train mad (20 now but as a youngster really crazy about them) but I wouldn't treat someone as a drop in just to see the trains. My son would have preferred the station anyway

What has she said when you've explained you don't want her stopping by unannounced? It's very rude of her to ignore your wishes. I'd be cautious to say you'll let them twice a month and tying yourself into an agreement you may regret. How often would you otherwise see your friend if it wasn't for her seeing the trains? She shouldn't be treating your house as a viewing platform

That would do my head in! Just say you don't want to fall out, but that you don't like it when she just turns up. I think it's quite rude of her to be honest. I'd never dream of doing that to any of my friends, railway line or not! (Not into trains to be fair, I meant the dropping in thing!)

YANU, it's not fair to just drop in....

Which is exactly what you just did. Aren't you a little ray of sunshine?! Op is autistic. This is exactly the kind of nuanced judgement they will be inclined to overthink. It completely throws me if something I'm not expecting happens. However crippling rejection sensitivity dysphoria will prevent me saying anything. But thanks for your constructive contribution.

Please go and overexplain to someone else, I am fully capable of understanding life for autistic people thank you very much.

Coming and contributing utter patronisation, days later, is not as helpful or constructive as you may think.

The question was answered, move on.

You can’t post comments like you did without expecting pushback though. I am AuDHD and found your comments very offensive, as did a lot of people. The irony in claiming to defend ND by having a pop at someone with autism is not lost.

And as far as I know there’s isn’t a time limit for replying.

Well I am audhd and i am a sen mum and I find the number of threads bashing autistic people under the guise of innocent questions appalling.

I thought we let this matter lie yesterday, its time to let it go.

That’s not your call though. I would think you would understand that ND people don’t ’let things go’ like that, especially as you keep coming back at people. If you want people to let it go, then I suggest you do it first.

Its not your call what I do either @LiviaDrusillaAugusta

And you claiming to know how I am thinking is nonsense - I will defend myself against your obsessive harassment as much as i feel the need to

Lord knows what's going on with the replies on your thread @FlatPat . As she's ignored your request to get in touch first and not just turn up at your home, the next step is to say 'I'm afraid I can't invite you in. This is why I asked you not to turn up without arranging it first. Another time maybe, when we've agreed to meet up'.

‘Obsessive harassment’ 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

This is a public chat forum. You have sniped at everyone who has addressed you. You know you were in the wrong so just walk away.

And where did I claim to know what you were thinking?

I said ‘I would think you would understand that ND people don’t ’let things go’ like that,’

If you are going to have a dig at me then fine. But be accurate, okay hun?

'Especially as you keep coming back at people' you left that bit out of your quote

You seem like you want to fight me, i am now quivering behind my phone screen 'hun' 😭😭

The matter has died, please allow the thread to move on and stop 😩

I left that out of the quote because it doesn’t relate to the discussion

Dont be ridiculous.

You don’t have to reply to me but just telling me to let the thread move on isn’t helping. I was defending another poster you had ripped into.

If you want people to let it go, then you need to stop coming back on every comment

Sure you did 😄

Can you let the matter lie now?! For all our sakes!

Can you?

😩

🤣