Do you privately judge women who’ve had a high number of sexual partners?

[Ilostallthepens]

If they’d slept with, say 50-60 men? Even if you claim publicly to not judge them, would you secretly? Would you judge a lesbian who’d slept with 50-60 women? If you did would it be in a different kind of judgement that you had for the straight woman? And would you judge a man who’d slept with 50-60 women? And would this be a different kind of judgement?

Sex only has the ‘value’ an individual places on it, though. One person might see it as a sacred thing saved for your wedding night, one person an enjoyable pastime to be freely engaged in as long as everyone’s enthusiastically consenting. The first position is no more ‘mature’ than the second.

I cant think of 50 men I have even enjoyed shaking hands with, how on earth can people find 50 people they are that attracted to? I think in my entire life I have been attracted to about 10 men tops.

I can’t find somebody appealing until I’ve got to know them. It’s not even that I’m looking for something in particular, either we have chemistry or we don’t. Just looking acceptable or good isn’t enough for me. I think I’ve madly fancied about 5 people.

I don't judge anybody on the number of people they've had sex with because it's their business and doesn't impact me in any way.

That said, it would hugely put me off someone I were dating.

How would I even know? I have less than no interest in the sexual pursuits of the vast majority of people.

Wouldn't judge anyone. Their sex life is no ones business but theirs

Why do some of you assume that someone who has a lot of casual sex has no self respect?

I had a lot of casual sex in my younger single days. I did it for pleasure but I had no interest in a relationship. It was always with someone I had an attraction to and it was always safe. I certainly wasn’t looking for something to fill my life. I genuinely don’t see how that was disrespecting myself?

Some people have a lot of internalised misogyny. I guarantee they’ll say they’d judge men who’ve slept around just as much as women, but that’s either not accurate or they don’t judge them in the same way. They’ll be much more assumptions about straight women being a ‘slut’ and ‘gross’ and lacking self respect. Whereas if they judge a straight man it’ll be much less harsh and more like ‘he’s insecure’ or ‘he’s not good at commitment.

Nah. People are saying the men who do this are gross too.

Have you slept with a lot of people OP? That's your business; no one cares. Some people would look down on your for it if they knew, but most people have no idea.

I think if you are trying to get people to say it's an empowering or good thing, you are on to a loser. People have their own views on this. I personally think it's a sad reflection of someone's failings and low standards, but other than that I don't care, and I would never, ever ask.

Also, to the people asking 'how would they know' - in my various social circles, especially in youth, people would know vaguely who had slept with whom. I remember someone whom I quite liked asking me out, but it was a hard no from me as I knew of at least 10 (very questionable taste) women he had slept with.

Well you’re making assumptions about other people, are you genuinely interested in what they’ve got to say or just looking for validation about your opinion/choices? Don’t think a single person here has used the word ‘slut’ or words to that effect.

Also, people can dislike the idea of ‘high body counts’/ONS/casual sex because of their own experiences.

As friends/acquaintances? I don’t care, you do you.

As romantic partners, it would be off the table. Everyone I know with higher numbers has a detached atitude that also includes cheating or sleeping with cheaters, which I have an issue with.

I’m not a raging misogynist so, no.

I would wonder why they were telling me though.

Actually this yes. If a man or woman had 5 partners a month for their entire life I would wonder what happened. But as you say 50 partners at 50 works out to little over 1 a year which does not seem baffling to me.

I would find a man who had 50 x <1 year relationships by 50 to be a walking red flag

I wouldn’t. You can have multiple partners in a year while young, have a long term relationship that ends (or a few), then some more more short term ones by 50. Seems perfectly normal to me.

Even if they were all short term I know loads of amazing people who were not lucky enough to find a compatible partner and did not want to settle for anybody to have somebody.

I think those two extreme views are a bit unrealistic! Most people would place sex somewhere between them.

Actually, this is a good point. If OP asks 'do you judge'? Well, being honest I think I'd gravitate more to women (and men) who share my view of sex, which is that it's a very special activity that only means anything to me within a romantic relationship. Sex on its own with a comparative stranger would leave me cold.

So thinking about it, my friends are like that too. Of course, I've met all kinds of people with different attitudes, but I suppose I'd find it hard to understand the very free, liberated, untrammelled, no strings attitude to sex which OP is talking about.

Each to their own, but just as I respect the right of women to have as many sexual partners as make them happy, I hope others would understand that sex has to be within a developed, romantic context for some people, and that's fine too.

Well, sex being invariably a Very Special Activity would give me the ick. I’d hear it in a sort of prayerful, vicar-ish ‘And now the penis enters the vagina, hallelujah!’ whisper.

I mean, sex can be special and romantic, absolutely. Sex can also be just scratching an itch. And everything in between, in different moods, with different people, at different life stages.

I mean, I still regularly see three friends I had sex with in the dim and distant past (I’ve been with DH for decades). One was touching, goofy teenage experimentation sex, another a good student friend with whom I had sex precisely once the night before I left to study in the US, leaving him heartbroken, though he didn’t tell me for ten years. One was the serious boyfriend I left for DH. It doesn’t feel any different to old friends I did any number of other hints either.

Your quality of thinking is very low indeed. I won’t bother replying to you again. This is a discussion forum. You are majorly out of context in your judgements about me. If it reassures you, however, I don’t think about peoples sex lives, ever. I do quite like discussing what people think beyond surface level virtue signalling and polite shrugging though. As do most people on this thread that have dug up some thoughts to share. It doesnt mean they sit about thinking these thoughts regularly. Wake up.. this is an online thread, for ideas about an interesting topic.

Isnt it a bit like the definition of an alcoholic, someone who drinks more than their GP?

Well, sex being invariably a Very Special Activity would give me the ick. I’d hear it in a sort of prayerful, vicar-ish ‘And now the penis enters the vagina, hallelujah!’ whisper.

Well, you imagine wrongly then!😂

That's hilarious though! The thought of a vicar whispering commentary, a la Davide Attenborough, during the act itself is very funny. What an image...

SwarmJet · 03/05/2026 19:48
You seem to care about other people's sexual lives, given your comment. Bit ironic that you feel it necessary to make attacking comments on others sexuality! You just want others to feel the same shame and they don't!

This kind of comment baffles me on MN. (It wasn't directed to me, btw).

The OP asked for people's honest opinions - and let's face it, dishonest opinions aren't worth listening to - and some people come along to tell pps off for expressing them.

That's what it's all about, isn't it? We all give our opinions and no-one's is more valid than others. Accusing someone of 'seeming to care about other people's sexual lives' is silly in this context. We've been asked! I don't give a lot of thought, normally, to other people's sex lives, but OP's question made me do a bit of self-reflection.

Very weird. In my 51 years on this planet, I've never had a conversation with anyone about how many people they had given one. Not once.

I don't think this kind of thing lasts as long in other peoples heads as the person who thinks they are being judged

Sleeping with people seems a hobby for some does anyone else really care?

I do think some people are desperate to be judged

I genuinely don’t know the number of sexual partners any woman in this world has had except for myself. Why would anyone care?

I agree.

But - thinking about this - I don't discuss my sexual experiences - I never have done at any age. Some people do,though and I don't know why.

When you're young, I guess it's a bit of a novelty and all rather exciting. But I really don't enjoy hearing about other people's sex lives and I cringe when women (can't comment on what men say when they're in groups, obvs) tell you when and how they've had sex. To me it's private and, perhaps, I'm a weirdo but I find anyone's sexual exploits but my own a real turn-off. If people regale me with this stuff I judge them in the following way: that they clearly are so self-regarding that they think giving you a mental image of them on the job will be a turn-on.....er, no. Very far from it.