Do you privately judge women who’ve had a high number of sexual partners?

[Ilostallthepens]

If they’d slept with, say 50-60 men? Even if you claim publicly to not judge them, would you secretly? Would you judge a lesbian who’d slept with 50-60 women? If you did would it be in a different kind of judgement that you had for the straight woman? And would you judge a man who’d slept with 50-60 women? And would this be a different kind of judgement?

No

I personally don’t care but I wouldn’t date someone who had (man or woman) because it makes me think we view sex differently.

BUT I wouldn’t also never ask. Anyone who randomly told me I would think was a freak though.

Well yeah? The same applies for any number of other things that you might not find desirable in a partner.

Good for them, I don’t really care, but that’s not for me. It’s not necessarily a deal breaker either but a lot of people seem sensitive/defensive about this.

My partner has had more than 60, and no, it did not bother me. He was single in his early 20s and so had fun. It was safe, consensual so why woukd it bother me? He is an excellent boyfriend and treats me with respect

Wouldn’t know or care.

I wouldn't judge like 'boo, you whore', but depending on the person and why they were telling me I might think it was a sign of insecurity. Not always though, I know some women who just have a naturally higher libido.

If a woman had slept with 50-60 women I think I'd just be impressed that they'd found so many, to be honest - lesbians aren't exactly renowned for being into casual flings!

It's multifaceted. There are so many kinds of judgements.

An actress having lots of sexual partners (a la Marlene Dietrich) can be seen as irresistible, alluring, a femme fatale.

A less famous woman can also be seen as foolish as so many women are murdered. If you are going home with multiple random men, you could run that risk.

For Mata Hari. it was fatal and having multiple lovers (one French and one German, during WWI cost her, her life... in front of the firing squad).

A lesbian with many many women partners, like Jo Carstairs (The Queen of Whale Cay), was seen as rather dashing... then again would she have bedded so many women and some of the best looking ones too if she hadn't been a rich oil heiress? Probably not.

History shows that if you have money (and fame) life can be a conveyor belt of sex as there will always be a ready never-ending supply of partners; Madonna, Mick Jagger; Pablo Picasso; Barbara Hutton; Peggy Guggenheim, Leo Di Caprio, etc are pretty good examples of this...

Interestingly enough, in the first publish diaries of Anais Nin, the general picture is one of this adventurous creative bohemian woman exploring life and experiencing numerous love affairs because she was so brilliant and alluring - a woman that men were clamouring to be with her. She is their muse. She is their everything.

Since then we have learnt more of the actual reality instead of Anais' version of reality. Sadly a lot of her great love affairs where with men, who to use a MN term, were Cocklodgers, as Anais (or more precisely, Hugo, her cuckold husband) was footing the bill. So the Houseboat on the Seine, which you are renting and have moved in your penniless lover, looks a lot less romantic and attractive after a while... I imagine. Still it's a pretty fantasy.

No, i'd just be jealous!

Good for these women!!

That said, if a straight man was bragging about that number, i'd assume he was a twat and not very good in bed

No. It's none of my concern how many sexual partners others have had. Why would you know or ask even?

It makes no difference to anyone or anything. It like judging someone on how many times they've eaten a sandwich, or been shopping, or watched a film.

People all over the world are having sex right now. And always will be. And it's none of your business.

I Think good on them, hope they had a blast.

Honestly, I don’t have the free time or the inclination to consider other people’s personal lives. And when I last checked, I was not the morality police.

That is alot for that age.

That's what I was thinking. I mean there's fun, and there's having really low standards, no boundaries and no respect for either yourself or the people you are using and discarding week in, week out.

To have racked up that many at such a tender age simply indicates that no-one wanted to stay with him for long enough to slow the numbers down a bit.

I think it's sad to have nothing but a long, long string of underwhelming one night stands to your name and rarely ever think 'I'd really love to see him/her again.' Or to hope that you will, but they never call you, because you were the throwaway shag that they wouldn't have had if they'd been sober.

If all your 'relationships' consist of fleeting casual sex with people you barely know and don't especially care to see again, it's a sign that you aren't exercising very good judgement or discernment in your life. It's the equivalent of eating absolutely nothing but McDonalds and chicken shop food. It shows you have no self respect.

Honestly?

Yes. And not for misogynistic or prudish reasons. It's because of personal experience. The women I've known who've had loads of partners (from school to university to retirement!) have not been happy people. They've suffered much more than my (shall we say) less active friends/acquaintances from insecurity, depression, low self-esteem etc etc.

They've often been people who seem to be searching for something, trying the same old, same old and not finding it. I don't think the people I've known, though, have been intending to be carefree about relationships - they've clearly been intending and hoping each time that things would develop into a longterm relationship.

I think women who can live contentedly as some men have traditionally done (lots of ONS and many partners) are few and far between. Not saying they don't exist - but I genuinely think women are more likely to want more from an encounter than a one-night-stand, and I think they're justified in that.

He is 46 now...

What tender age? He started in his 20’s, you have no idea when he stopped/got with OP. If he was done by early 30’s that’s around 6 people a year. Not as seedy as you’re trying to make it sound.

One point I might make from my personal experience is that while there may be issues over a partners past I did have an issue with a partner in her mid 30's who didnt have a past which might have been a warning of the subsequent issues.......

NB to make sense of the subsequent post I was 10 years her junior

She was BTW perfectly pleasant and we had good times together BUT she could not manage to move on from 'dating' over a period of about 8 years.

By the same token I met my ex wife when she was 30, she had already been divorced and had at least one subsequent 'living together' and it became painfully obvious why

That poster said 'he was single in his early 20s so had fun.'

On that basis, I assumed she meant he'd slept with 60 people up to his early 20s, after which he met her. Or went into an LTR with someone else.

He could have started at 15, or 21, I have no idea. But it's still a lot. Let's say he started at 15 and 'early 20s' means under 25, that's 10 years at 6 people per year on average, so a new person every 2 months for 10 years straight. And that's giving him the benefit of the doubt that it was spread across 10 years. It could actually have been a lot more densely packed than that.

I don’t judge because I think people should do what they like with consenting adults. I have friends who have slept with a lot of people, but I wouldn’t want a partner who had had a high number of sexual partners.

Oh I see, so how long have you been together? Presumably it slowed down a bit after his 20s if he was in a LTR before you?

We have been together a year.

He was in a ltr/marriage for 8 years in his laye 20s and 30s.

Yes

Same. That’s grim and dirty to me. Both men and women

Not judge, as such. My view is people are free to do whatever they want with their bodies. I don’t think negatively of anyone who has done extreme things with their bodies. At worst I’d feel sorry for them if that thing is a reflection of low self-esteem or a troubled mind or a lack of self-respect or an inability to form meaningful connections with people (not that these things are necessarily incompatible with having had lots of sexual partners, although they almost always are ime).

I do judge men differently from women, though. I think men who sleep around generally have less than respectful attitudes towards women, unless they own their psychology and show gratitude (not the right word, perhaps) or good fortune while acknowledging their sexual behaviour. Rarer, though. So I generally find a long sexual history in men pretty disgusting tbh. Men’s sexuality is so, so different from women’s.

No.