Do you privately judge women who’ve had a high number of sexual partners?

[Ilostallthepens]

If they’d slept with, say 50-60 men? Even if you claim publicly to not judge them, would you secretly? Would you judge a lesbian who’d slept with 50-60 women? If you did would it be in a different kind of judgement that you had for the straight woman? And would you judge a man who’d slept with 50-60 women? And would this be a different kind of judgement?

This again?! We had one last week about this!

What do you mean by judge? It's no skin off my nose so I don't care.
There is one aspect about it that annoys me and that's when women boast about it.
It's not an achievement as the vast majority of men aren't that fussy.
It doesn't really work in reverse as more women are more fussy.
I guess this is where the stud vs slut dynamic comes in.

But no I wouldn't feel any less about the person unless I suppose I was getting into a relationship with them-even then it would be unease, like am I number 51- not judgement- but as I'm heterosexual that's irrelevant

No I would not.

I would personally judge a man with a high number of sexual partners more than a woman.

I am just reading about Kay Francis, a Hollywood actress, very big in the 1930s, and I have lost count of the number of abortions she's had, after 8. She kept diaries throughout her life with entries like; 'Maurice Chevalier fucked me 4 times in 2 hours'... and she seems to have had countless partners.

I suppose it is more surprise & prurient interest than judging them! It's always interesting to read about how other women have led their lives. Kay Francis reminds me of Tallulah Bankhead, as both women seem to be very much into non emotional recreational sex and were bisexual. Then there are other Hollywood actresses like Joan Crawford & Bette Davis who used sex as power and would ensure that they slept with their directors so they could gain some control over the production and especially over the other actresses in it. Marlene Dietrich had sex with everyone, but especially her co-stars as she needed her leading men to be in love with her. During WWII she was on the frontline servicing the soldiers as she felt that they 'should have the chance to sleep with a beautiful movie star before going to their death....' As revealed by her daughter, Maria. Dietrich's reasons seemed to have been narcissistic, as she later claimed to her daughter that she didn't even like sex!

As a teenage ex convent schoolgirl we were all obsessed with the erotic writer Anais Nin, who was really popular in the 1980s and some sort of feminist icon. It was very, very racy at the time... Later it was revealed that she'd been a bigamist, had wrote about knowingly committing incest with her father as an adult women ('seducing' her father, she called it!). Later her second husband, Rupert, released the unedited diaries (Nin edited them extensively for publication removing all references to the fact that she'd been married and her first husband, Hugo, a wealthy banker had bankrolled her artistic lifestyle) and it painted a different picture. Reading these versions in the 2000s, I'll admit that when she writes about walking the street of NY with the semen of three different men inside her on her way to meet a 4th lover, I am revolted. It all seemed rather pathological as if she went through her life using sex as a form of validation and for narcissistic reasons or she that may have been a nymphomaniac. Then she was compelled to write it all down.

Perhaps it is not the sex itself but to speculate about the reason behind that is more interesting. A lot of these studio actresses in the 1930s were working a six day week in a factory style production churning out film after film, so you could also argue that the sex was a form of physical release. There was also a degree of narcissism, especially if your employer is promoting you as a 'love goddess' or 'femme fatale.'

Even today, it is interesting that some women need constant male attention while others are happy with Wordle.

I honestly have no idea how many sexual partners my woman friends have had. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Is that a topic of conversation that comes up often? I have one particular friend who I know has certainly slept with a lot, I’d guess a couple hundred if I was a betting woman. She is an absolute drunken hot mess who has never consistently held down a job because she truly refuses to get out of bed before 11am.

I do judge her for being such a hot mess, but I don’t care how many people she’s had sex with. She was my MOH (so I’m obviously quite fond of her, despite her messiness) and famously had sex with a male friend of Dh and I on the sofa of my family’s holiday cottage after my wedding. My 60 something year old auntie tossed a condom down the stairs to them. My auntie was herself off on a European grand tour after and clearly had come well stocked, which brought me so much joy. 😂

No I don't care, I just hope they were all consensual, safe and happy encounters.

Of course not. It's the 2020s not the 1950s. And it's nothing to do with me what other people do with their bodies anyway.

Yes, I’d probably assume they weren’t good at relationships or at being alone, and were wandering about using people in a transient and unfulfilling manner for want of anything more nutritious.

Only misogynists care about body count.

No I wouldn’t judge them at all.

And how exactly does that affect you? How do you show this supposed care in public, not just this platform? Maybe you don't like sex or feel sexual shame. That's no one's problem but yours.

I've had at least 40 sexual partners. I've been judged. Do I care? no fucking way!

I don’t get all the posters saying they’re not judgmental about a high number unless it was someone they were planning on sleeping with. That means you are judgemental but you only don’t care because it’s not affecting you

No but I do judge the men who judge women for these things.

I’m just interested in how the type of judgement is different, eg. A woman might be thought of as a slut or insecure, a man might be thought of as treating women badly or a commitment-phobe. What about a woman who’s slept with a high number of women? What kind of judgement would come to mind? (I say judgement, it could also mean just general thoughts that come to mind)

Depends what you call high. Some people have never had many LTRs so it stands to reason they will have a much higher count than someone who married quite young and stayed married.

I do think there is something really quite icky about people who will seemingly shag anything the minute they've got a couple of drinks inside them and they openly boast of huge, huge numbers though. They must have absolutely no quality control. Even worse when they will do it completely sober and there's no excuse.

But I certainly don't judge women any more harshly for that than men. I think it's a seedy and quite sad way to live your life, irrespective of your sex. I am no puritan, I had plenty of fun back in the day, but I had my limits and my standards. Some of the numbers young people talk about now, I think they can't possibly have any standards or any self respect. It's just nasty and I bet a lot of them feel insecure and empty inside.

It doesn’t affect me, obviously. What care? What are you talking about?

Did you read ops question?!

your attempts to attack my sexuality say nothing about me and show a lot about you.

To the extent that I would not be interested in dating the person, yes, I would judge as it would provide critical information. I don’t care what someone does, but that life is not for me. It’s not the way I experience attraction. I need an intense intellectual bond to feel sexual attraction. I want a partner who reciprocates.

This

I've not really thought about it but privately, yes I probably would be a bit 'ew' at a woman but I'd only feel that way if they were braggy about it. I would also be put off by a man with, I dunno more than 20/30 previous partners. If that eliminates most men that's fine by me because I wouldn't want another man anyway 😅

No. It’s nothing to do with me.
Sleeping with 1000 and publicising it - yes but normal people, definitely not.

Well, maybe that person just slept with a lot of very clever people with whom she felt an ‘intense intellectual bond’? Are you afraid you wouldn’t measure up?

It's funny how there was always this idea that lots of partners made women sluts, and men studs. I can honestly say I've never thought of a man as a stud at all, in any way. Especially not for being known to shag around. I've never thought of women as sluts either though. I think that was always just a very misogynistic and male-centric view being presented as a general one.

Never. I’d only want to ask if any of them were any good just so I can add to my already very negative data about men being able to bring women to orgasm.

Yep, relationship wise is different from just a random person. Some people still won’t mind though.