Do you privately judge women who’ve had a high number of sexual partners?

[Ilostallthepens]

If they’d slept with, say 50-60 men? Even if you claim publicly to not judge them, would you secretly? Would you judge a lesbian who’d slept with 50-60 women? If you did would it be in a different kind of judgement that you had for the straight woman? And would you judge a man who’d slept with 50-60 women? And would this be a different kind of judgement?

No I dont judge, cant see the problem in adults enjoying their sex lives. Also dont see why people reveal their number?
Does everyone do this?x

But just because the person has had a high number of sexual partners in the past, doesn’t mean they can’t have an intense intellectual bond with you. That is judging them harshly on their past I think. Their high number could have also been for multiple different reasons. It doesn’t necessarily mean they couldn’t commit to you and you couldn’t have an intense intellectual bond

You seem to care about other people's sexual lives, given your comment. Bit ironic that you feel it necessary to make attacking comments on others sexuality! You just want others to feel the same shame and they don't!

Yes, they might have that bond with me, but I am interested in a person who needs that bond for sexual attraction with anyone. It’s just my preference for a partner. I’m odd. I know I am odd.

there are other people who don’t need that. They are better suited for one another.

How the fuck would I ever know unless it was my partner?? what a bizarre way to think 😂

But maybe they had it with all the other people they slept with? I did much of my sleeping around at Oxford, so there wasn’t exactly a shortage of clever people I could bind with intellectually, and I’m a total sapiophile.

You could say that about anything though. I've heard people say they could never date a Tory or would only ever date other vegans for example. I have my own things that I would find deeply unattractive or problematic in a person. We all have our lines in the sand and in doing so we eliminate a huge number of potential partners we might have a intense bond with if we gave them a chance.

But we make our judgements in the believe that certain choices and behaviours say a lot about the kind of person someone is, so if your values are completely different, why bother?

Nobody owes anyone else a chance to have a relationship with them if they feel it's too much of a compromise of their values.

No

I think it can say something about a person’s attitude to sex. For me, amount of sex you have simply isn’t a moral issue. It has been a moral issue for so much of history that I think it’s hard for people not to see it that way even if they haven’t put together a rational argument for doing so.

I’m in a stage where I am having a fair amount of casual sex. It’s right for me at the moment. It probably won’t be forever. I haven’t done it much in the past. I don’t care if I get to 50+ in number if it’s still working for me.

I’m not sure it says much about ability to form relationships or self esteem. It’s just life circumstances of being a single parent and not being in a position to have a serious relationship for the time being.

You can be very fussy about who you have sex with as a woman looking for casual sex. You have almost infinite choice. I usually have a pretty intellectual and wide ranging conversation with someone before we hook up - sometimes you can be more open with a stranger than someone you might want a long-term relationship with. I’m not really compromising on looks, intellect, general decency. I usually see someone a few times but not always.

It’s maybe unusual for women to have that attitude to sex but possible.

Very much agreed that you can have a high number and still be fussy. Maybe not on personality/values etc but on looks at least. I don’t think it’s accurate to say if you’ve slept with a lot of people it must mean you have low standards or sleep with strangers. My number is high but they’ve all been physically attractive, none have been strangers, and the majority of them have been women, including a sizeable number of “straight” women. I’ve never had sex with anyone just cos I was drunk then regretted it and I’ve never had sex with anyone I didn’t find attractive

No. I don't care what other women do.

But in reference to a PP who said she wouldn't like a man who had slept with so many, I get it. The men I have had relationships with have had less than 5-10 partners. Personally, my number is over 30.

No I don’t care what consenting adults do with each other. It’s completely irrelevant. I know couples who are swingers and they have probably slept with tons of people. It’s just not a big deal for me.

Depends what I was judging them on and why.

If I found out a bloke I was seeing had slept with 50+ women I would judge him to be someone who didn't want - or couldn't cope with - commitment. Whether that would be an issue for me would depend on what I was wanting from the relationship.

I wouldn't consider myself to be "better than", which is what I assume you mean.

How would you know?

No, I don’t judge as such, in the sense of thinking badly of them. But I suppose the idea of someone having loads of sexual partners is something I don’t quite understand and is a bit alien to me. We’re all different.

Not just women, men to! It’s disgusting 🤮 thankfully I was raised with self respect

Yes and yes.

No, I couldn’t care less what other people do.

That said I would judge myself if I had slept with 60 people, and I wouldn’t be with a man who had slept with 60 women. It just speaks of placing too little value on sex and a kind of immaturity that matters to me.

I wouldn’t judge any of them. I would think fair play

and raised to be judgy as well. Wouldn’t be too proud of yourself 😂

How would I know?

No I wouldn’t judge them I would just assume they must like sex a lot more than I do, nothing wrong with that.

As I said on a similar post, no I don't care. Why would I. But also how would I know? The only time I've ever had a conversation about this was when I was in my teens and me and my friends were all having our first sexual experiences.

I think people should do what they want, but I wouldn’t choose them as a partner, as I’d want my partner to have the same attitude towards sex as me.

My friends all have similar attitudes to sex as me, so maybe I wouldn’t gel with someone as a friend, who sleeps around.

What’s the connection between having a high number of men/women you’ve had sex with, and having self respect?

Isn’t having self respect for yourself just following your values or something?

I would judge someone who was always flirting with attached men, or deliberately dressing provocatively, or making lewd jokes all the time, and was a virgin.

But I wouldn’t judge someone who was respectful of people in relationships, and dressed in an appropriate way for the situation, and wasn’t behaving inappropriately, but who had a different sexual partner each week.

So I wouldn’t judge for the sexual aspect but I would for the behavioural aspect.