To have wanted it to be a child free evening?

[Flowers876]

Ive planned an evening cinema trip with the work girls. In the group chat one of them asked if she could bring her daughter (7 year old) I didnt know how to say I would rather she didn't but I was surprised she even asked tbh. Now it turns out another girl is bringing her 9 year old. I just wanted a grown up girls evening. I know I had the opportunity to say no but how would I have phrased it without sounding rude and offending her? How would you have said it? I'm not looking forward to it as much now as I dont know either child. I know I can be a people pleaser.

If more than one of the other attendees doesn’t want it to be a child-free event, then I guess you’re outvoted 🤷🏻‍♀️

You could have been explicit at the outset and those people could have chosen not to come - but you weren’t, so it is what it is.

There is no such thing as a people pleaser, just say no if you're not keen.

OP is asking how to do that.

I wasnt expecting anyone to bring their kids as we've never included kids in any of our meet ups so it wouldnt have occurred to me to say "shall we go to the cinema just us and not take the kids"

Are you going to see a kids’ film?

I'm with you OP but as it's the cinema will it actually make much difference?

Just say. Oh I expected it to be work people / adults only. I won’t be coming this time.

And next time chose a 15 rated film!

How would you have said that though?
"No sorry, we're not taking kids" seems rude.
I dont have my own kids either (just one adult step child) so its not like I could say "oh I'm not bringing mine so shall we do something else with the kids"

No

I organised it so I couldnt really then back out!

What film is it? I have an 8YO DD and I couldn’t imagine seeing something with work mates that she’d like… Have you inadvertently suggested a kids film at an early time?

How rude of them. Can’t imagine why they would think to do this but it seems like more than one of them seem to think it’s ok. I would just decline as I would be so irritated. I have kids myself and wouldn’t think to bring my kids on a planned adults outing.

Surely the kids won’t be able to get into the cinema screening then

True

If course they shouldn’t be bringing kids

it totally changes dynamic - surely you want to have a bitc about work for one!

If it’s to see devil wears prada. It will go right over the 7 year olds head

I'm wondering what film it is. It seems odd that two of the group have assumed it's an open invite including children.

I would absolutely hate to go out with other people's children. I wouldn't go. I would have just said that I'd like it be adults only.

Just decline op. You do know that this is now going to become the norm. So what’s the point in hanging out with these people.

If all you are doing is watching a film I can't see that it makes a difference.

What are you going to see that kids can come too?

Also, it’s the cinema, you’d not notice if they were there or not!

Oh come on - of course it does

children there censors what they can talk about for a start

YANBU. It will change the dynamic of the evening. OK, you'll be at the cinema so perhaps not a huge amount of talking, but for what there is there'll be a sense of having to be slightly on your guard against saying anything inappropriate for children.

I'd be tempted to say you were hoping to see a 15 or 18 rated film.

I definitely can. Especially if the children get bored. Presumably no drinks after either. Very different evening.

Did you quote the wrong post? I'm not disputing that it changes the dynamics but it seems very odd that children have never attended and yet now two of the group suddenly think it's appropriate.