To have wanted it to be a child free evening?

[Flowers876]

Ive planned an evening cinema trip with the work girls. In the group chat one of them asked if she could bring her daughter (7 year old) I didnt know how to say I would rather she didn't but I was surprised she even asked tbh. Now it turns out another girl is bringing her 9 year old. I just wanted a grown up girls evening. I know I had the opportunity to say no but how would I have phrased it without sounding rude and offending her? How would you have said it? I'm not looking forward to it as much now as I dont know either child. I know I can be a people pleaser.

@blunderbuss12 has the right idea. Maybe post a happy photo or two to the WhatsApp group. Make the mums aware that they are missing out.

This may even point the way to a solution: can you introduce the idea of a drink afterwards into the chat now? If the mums object, just act innocent - ‘I guess that doesn’t work for Chloe. Can you drop her home first?’ (Unlikely. The hope is that Mum will decide not to bring Chloe)

Make sure the next night out involves alcohol and they won’t be able to go

Yes my best friend is Spanish and she says what we see as being polite and trying not to offend anyone she sees as dishonest and unhelpful and doesn’t get why we are like that. I actually love her honesty and it’s refreshing I can be so honest with her too haha

I would agree. You can do it without being rude, just be honest and clear. It happens all the time on here, especially lying. People always suggest lying to get out of a situation.

I said that recently, and if anything, more carefully. World war 3 broke out and both people now think I'm a bitch.

It really isn't that easy, or without repercussions.

No it's not!
OP wanted a ladies night. Doesn't matter what the movie is.

OP I would've said "sorry it's just a ladies night this time, but we'll have to organise a family friendly event next time".

Agree the film is irrelevant! People are so literal. So if it’s one film its unacceptable but if another film it’s ok?! That is not the case.

I’d say “oh I was looking forward to a child free evening! What does everyone else think?” If everyone is ok with it you probably have to concede. Or speak to others going and scope whether they are ok with it.

It depends, if I can't take my child - 90% of the time I can't go...however I never assume and am used to not getting out much as I wouldn't like others bring their DC to an adults only evening either...

It would make a difference if the DC interrupt the film. I wouldn't be impressed. I have 4 DC and wouldn't dream of inviting them to a screening at the cinema unless it was a kids film.

Maybe it’s because you called it a ‘girls’ event so the women coming assumed it was for girls.

I would have checked with you first, but had you messaged about a girly trip to the cinema I’d have thought to include my DD.

I also really resent child bringers asking if it’s ok. You kind of have to say yes or they think you are Cruella De Vil. Just don’t bring kids to adult events no one wants them there no matter what they may feel forced to say.

Why didn’t you immediately respond in the group chat that the film you plan on seeing isn’t suitable for children? That way you would have avoided all the drama about children wanting to tag along whenever there’s a mention of anyone going to the cinema because they probably relate cinema visits to films like Moana, Frozen, or whatever the current family rated films are!

Why though?! I would never ever think that. It’s a group event for adult women not kids. Do men have this?

The film is surely relevant - you're in a created theatrical atmosphere which you can enjoy, but it might be a distraction if you're worried about children if it's a strong theme.

Sorry that was to The Rozzers

No the film is irrelevant. It’s not ok whatever the film is.

That's a good point. A group of male colleagues socialising like this wouldn't bring children along.

Like hell they would. It’s women’s spare time that is seen as less valuable and we are always lumped with the children.

Sorry will stop ranting now - I had an event I was looking forward to interesting funny conversation with women friends ended up having stilted conversation about A level choices with someone’s teen 🙄.

I agree with you. Plus I feel your pain.

I'd drop out. If it was the afternoon that wouldn't be so bad. Of course it changes the dynamics of the whole evening.

Yeah. It's pretty fucked up because the person never gets what they want and is unable to voice it until they get angry. Well that's me anyway. its never good to not know how to say no.

i don’t get why it would be a problem tbh unless you were planning on going out before or after. In which case you have the perfect reason to object. What ‘adult’ time are you missing out on apart from from queuing up for popcorn or having a quick chat afterwards?

Surely they wouldn’t bring their kids if they thought they wouldn’t enjoy it or that they would disrupt the film? Mine know to sit quietly through a film at the cinema.

That said I doubt I’d ask to bring them unless it was clear it was an invite for kids too.

You could have just said ‘sorry, no. I’m planning a grown up evening, not for children.’ Then they would have either said ok or backed out. Their choice.

OP, it seems like you've always got a reason as to why the very reasonable suggestions that posters have been made won't work...this is why you end uo doing things you don't want to.

YANBU to want an adults only evening and, frankly, I think it's weird that a parent would even suggest taking a 7yr old to an adult film during the evening. Next time, just say a variation of, 'no, this is an adults only evening,' or 'no, I really need some grown up friend time.'