To have wanted it to be a child free evening?

[Flowers876]

Ive planned an evening cinema trip with the work girls. In the group chat one of them asked if she could bring her daughter (7 year old) I didnt know how to say I would rather she didn't but I was surprised she even asked tbh. Now it turns out another girl is bringing her 9 year old. I just wanted a grown up girls evening. I know I had the opportunity to say no but how would I have phrased it without sounding rude and offending her? How would you have said it? I'm not looking forward to it as much now as I dont know either child. I know I can be a people pleaser.

I have to tell my seven year old OVER AND OVER AGAIN that the cinema is not for chatting. However I wouldn't inflict him on my work colleagues anyway!

Something like “oh I was really hoping for a ladies only evening so we could have a good chat, are you stuck for childcare then?”

I said “oh are we all bringing our teens now? In an unenthusiastic tone. It’s fine if it’s a parent / child meet up from the outset but unilaterally bringing your kids to any adult social event is socially unacceptable and you should expect others to drop out. Imagine if someone got a babysitter then got stuck with someone else’s kid!

Think Amanda does this in Motherland and Julia bemoans being stuck with “someone else’s nine year old bellend all evening”

It's the Magic Faraway Tree isn't it op!!😉

I probably would have dropped a hint along the lines of 'I'm not really sure if they'll enjoy it?'
Then if they insist, 'Yeah they'll love it!'
'Oh okay, don't worry if you want to do a mum/daughter outing, I'll leave you to it.'

They'd have to be pretty obtuse not to get those hints!

In all honesty, the second comment has moved well beyond a "hint"!

12A means you can take younger kids though, just they have to be accompanied by an adult?
Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't think it's suitable for a 7/9 year old, but would explain why OP is surprised they'd even suggest it.

technically somebody could interpret it as OP trying to be nice and letting m&d have time together, rather than her spelling out I DON'T WANT TO HANG OUT WITH YOUR KID, is what I meant 😁

What film is it? Unless you’re going to see a kids film, I’d say something like “oh when I organised for us to go and see this film, I was assuming it would be adults only. Surely Xxxx is better for us to go to child-free?”

It's bonkers, isn't it?! Just speak plainly

What a drag, and how irritating

Just take out the first bit then "I was looking forward to an adults only catch up".

Surely you just say the movie isn't suitable for children.

How many others are going?

I asked my bf to go see Beaches, a movie about best friends and she asked if her new bf could come. I said ok but actually resented it and wanted to cancel.

That's a bit weird.

"That's a bit weird."

That I resented it, or that she wanted him along?
Oh, it was her new boy friend, not new best friend.

Sorry, that she wanted to bring her boyfriend! Your reaction was normal.

I don’t know about other mums, but if I ask to bring my kids along to an event that is meant to be for adults, it’s usually because I do not have childcare, and I am genuinely asking to decide if I can make it or not.

And sometimes when another mum is bringing a kid, I might offer to bring mine so that the kids aren’t being annoying and clinging onto me, with the hope that they “play” with one another.

Just some insight into mum thinking, it might not be the same for all. But if the host said “it’s an adult night”, I would respect that, and either cancel due to no childcare or look for childcare for that night.

They kids might not be that bad. I get that you want a child free night, but don’t be afraid to say so. Some of the replies you e mentioned might sound rude to you, but are fine to say.

Obviously depending on your fitness sensitivity levels…

I took DD1 at 7 to see the first Hobbit film (a 12A) as we were reading the book together. I went and watched it first though to see if there was anything in it which would bother her. She loved it. There are definitely other 12A films I absolutely would not have taken her to. And I wouldn't have taken DDs on a work night out nor ever suggested it.

Next time make sure the movie is completely unsuitable for that age group. Then you'll get adults only.

Trying to ignore the ‘grown up girls’ bit… even though you organised it you can still back out. For whatever reason your friends want to bring their children and you can’t exactly say no, so let them and catch up another time.

I would

It's all very strange.

OP I just wouldn't go. No need to say anything.

maybe an unpopular opinion but isn’t a cinema trip quite unsociable as an evening activity, I mean it makes no difference if you went on your own, it’s not like you can talk over the film in a cinema - no wonder some are happy to bring their children

Whole thread is pointless without context, in other words, what film and what time?