To have wanted it to be a child free evening?

[Flowers876]

Ive planned an evening cinema trip with the work girls. In the group chat one of them asked if she could bring her daughter (7 year old) I didnt know how to say I would rather she didn't but I was surprised she even asked tbh. Now it turns out another girl is bringing her 9 year old. I just wanted a grown up girls evening. I know I had the opportunity to say no but how would I have phrased it without sounding rude and offending her? How would you have said it? I'm not looking forward to it as much now as I dont know either child. I know I can be a people pleaser.

This. I am not a fan of people bringing kids along like this. As someone else said, it can really change the group dynamic and tends to put the kids in the focus.

She asked if she could bring her 7yo. If your event is adults only then the answer, for everyone's sake, is "sorry, no". I'd suggest she have someone else look after her child and if that's not possible then, depending on how small/tight the group is or how flexible the plans are, I'd either offer to see if the group is willing to change to a date where this friend can attend alone or say sorry it didn't work out this time, hope to see you at our next outing.

I'm not sure what you mean by "Now it turns out another girl is bringing her 9 year old" but if it's an adults-only outing, tell that person she cannot bring her child. If you're just hearing rumours that someone plans to bring a child, send a message to the group saying that his event is adults only/invite only, no bringing anyone along. You may feel like you have to add language about how it may not have been 100% clear and you're sorry for any confusion, etc., and that's OK but not necessary. You are perfectly reasonable to expect people to accept or decline or ask about bringing a +1 but accept a "no" about that.

But what film are you going to see that’s not a children’s film but more than one person wants to bring their under 10 year old child to it?

I think if I were organising it, I’d say “oh, sorry, this isn’t a kids’ night out, adults only”

The sneak in me would deliberately suggest an 18's film so that fixes everything. "Oh we are going to 18 rated film, so best not bring children!" And add a smiley face to take the harm out of it.

However if the film is suitable for children then I guess it makes no difference.

If food and drinks are planned then I'd reply saying "probably not ideal to being children to the restaurant, we can rearrange for a day you have childcare" again add the smiley emoji to take the harm out.

Some people just take the when plans are made. Leave your kids at home or don't come!!!!!!!

Say you were planning to hit bar first for a cocktail before?

What was the film? If no pub /meal surely it didn't matter? Bit cheeky changing the plans you initiated imo though. Next time meet at a pub first then def no dc...

Devil wear prada 2 by any chance as its a 12A

Tbh i wish the scrapped 12A. Always shocked by number of people who drag tiny kids to a 12 A

I dont think people here understand what cinema certifications mean.

You don't have to say "it's an 18 rated film so best not to bring children" - it's a legal requirement that you have to be 18 to see it and the cinema is legally obliged to make sure that doesn't happen. It's not optional.

Ugh, some people can be such PITAs can't they. My cousin was like this - had to bring her child absolutely everywhere, which dominated the meet-ups and affected the schedule of each attempted outing, not to mention totally curtailed what we could talk about. I wouldn't have minded if the child came sometimes, or even half the time, but I never once saw my cousin alone again after she had kids. It was awful. I would totally understand if she'd been a single mother but she had an involved husband.

I should reword my post to say "it's an 18s film so children can't come"

You are quite right, it's not a guide, it's a requirement.

OP are you going to tell us what the film is, or is this another one of "those" threads?

There's hardly any 18 rated films any more.

OP just tell your friends they can't bring their children.

Michael? Also a 12A and lots of mixed groups going

Hardly any films are 18 now. It rakes in more money for the film companies to produce as many 12A films as possible as it maximises profit - especially since all the half arsed parents then take kids who are far too young.

No but theres plenty of 12 and 15 films which are both obviously not appropriate for 8 year olds. The only childrens film I can think of is The Magic Faraway Tree and the OP has already said it's not a childrens film.

How can this be right unless you’ve organised a work trip to watch the late viewing of the far away tree??

I mean it’s the cinema.. you’re hardly going to be chatting

it doesn’t matter what the film is

A work night out is not for people’s children

Can you just ask on the group chat if they've checked with the cinema that children can go to the screening as you aren't sure and would hate for them to get there and be disappointed. I would just drop out at the last minute OP feigning a migraine or tummy bug... but next time, make it clear from the offset that it's an adult evening. Doesn't need to offend anyone but just say "just to confirm that its adults only on this occasion".

You can say
“I’ve organised this one to be an adults only girly night. If you want to do something family friendly maybe you can organise that for our next meeting?
looking forward to seeing you all at X”

You either tell them on the day that you can no longer make it, or you tell them, actually, I was looking forward to a grown-up night with you all, so I'll bow out and hope to have an adults-only get together another time soon.

It's rude of them to hijack something that you had planned, but really you should have spoken up at the time and replied "sorry, not this time, adult only evening!"

"As this is becoming quite child centred, which wasnt really what I was planning and I dont have any kids haha, I will bow out. Hope you have a good time!"

No but a 7 year old and a 9 year old on night out, are going to be tired, possibly get bored if it isnt an kids film and be wanting wees etc. Plus the inevitable fidgeting. Then you cant go for a glass of wine or whatever afterwards to talk about the film as the kids need to be home for bed.

@Flowers876 what film is it?

You haven't seen the cinema episode of Bluey, then...

Are there other people coming too? If so I'd make sure everybody without kids in tow comes to drinks afterwards in somewhere for adults only and has a bloody brilliant night so those who brought children feel they have really missed out on the main event