To not consider this “family money”

[ImNotSharing]

I will shortly be receiving a large sum of money (large to me). It is a compensation payment.

Our finances are joint and DH considers it family money. I do not. AIBU?

Happy to answer questions but I’m mainly here for the vote.

It would be family money in this house.

Will the money be used for your rehabilitation or similar? Or will you be spending it on fun/ frivolous stuff?

In my marriage it would be family money but everyone’s different.
Is the compensation from
something that happened before you met your DH?

Family money here too.

If your finances are joint, then I would consider everything family money.

I guess it depends somewhat what yiu plan on doing with it?

Here it would be your money, but I expect I’d spend at least some of it on family stuff.

It’s family money if you co-join it into a joint account. For curiosity why don’t you consider it family money?

If it’s intended to pay for ongoing medical care / rehabilitation etc then I think it’s fine to use it for that. Otherwise, why wouldn’t it be family money? You’ll presumably want to spend it on household costs, things for DC etc or keep it as savings to be used for things the family wants or needs in the future.

What are your plans for it, and what is it for?

For me, it would be money that benefits the family, but guided by me in terms of what it was spent on.

This is one of the issues.

Not rehabilitation, no.

If it’s “mine” I would spend it on my hobby and new clothes etc

If it’s “family money” maybe a family holiday and stash the rest away for the kids uni fees etc

All money that comes into the household is considered family money here.

Your finances are joint but this money is just yours?

Makes no sense.

No it happened during the marriage

It’s usually family money unless the compensation is for an injury you had where you need the money for rehabilitation or to replace lost income.

Would it be family money if it was his compensation payment?

Family money here

Would your partner be happy with you keeping it separate? Even if finances were joint?

I wouldn't spend it on hobby and clothes, no. I would perhaps have a certain amount to treat myself with, and the rest would.be something that benefitted everyone. If it was needed for medical stuff, that's different.

What would you expect to happen if your husband was the recipient?

What? It’s family money if all the rest is. You can’t pick and choose.

How "joint" are your finances? Are you paying 50/50 into the pot?

The only way I'd say it's yours is if you pay all / most of family expenses and he's not contributing or he's cocklodging

If you’ll be in a position to pay for uni fees surely that’s a good thing? As is a family holiday.
If you plan to spend it all on a hobby and new clothes then I think YABU

Why can't it be family money but also allocated towards your hobby?

How else would you fund your hobby if your finances are all joint anyway?

It would be family money in our house but my husband would insist I decide what to do with it, I'd put some aside for myself and do something for the family with the rest.

Because it was something that happened to me. Not our family.

I did the claim, which was long and arduous. And it was me that has pursued this for over a year.

I consider it mine. But the final sum is much larger than either DH or I were ever expecting.

Depending on the amount, I’d be making sure my family benefitted but no, it’s yours. Presumably you suffered and then fought for it.