To not consider this “family money”

[ImNotSharing]

I will shortly be receiving a large sum of money (large to me). It is a compensation payment.

Our finances are joint and DH considers it family money. I do not. AIBU?

Happy to answer questions but I’m mainly here for the vote.

Why do you think doing things with and for your family is mundane and doesn’t benefit you?
Very sad to live that way in my opinion!

Have your family supported you through your pain and trauma?

If they left you struggling with everything you usually do and didn't look after you, you have a point about it being yours alone, but if everyone pulled together to take care of you or take on more of the load (financially or domestically) then morally it's at least partially family money.

I would not consider it family money if it was compensation.
DF had compensation from his work. It was for him, not the rest of us.

But surely that’s like saying I earned it so it’s mine, same as a job?

if it’s a large sum why do you say right I will spend a grand on me, and everything else is family?

do you and your husband earn the same so contribute equally?

How is your relationship generally with H? And is all money genuinely shared at the moment?

Family money in our house. DH would definitely support me through anything and I would support him, so any compensation for suffering would be for both of us.
Is this feeling of entitlement to the money an indication that you didn’t feel sufficiently supported during this?

As the sum is much larger than you or DH were expecting, surely a good compromise is the amount you were expecting is family money, and the extra is your bonus money.

Is money tight, and you don’t feel you have enough for you, so see this as an opportunity, does your husband out earn you?

In fairness, DH could potentially have done some of the work OP describes here. Only she could've made the decision, signed the paperwork and gone to the medicals, but the research and document scrutiny could be done by either person. I'm not saying he should've done this, only that it was possible.

My dad received compensation money for a work accident many years ago. It immediately became family money.

I think if you have joint money as in like any inheritances in the future will be split etc then yes I’d take it as family money.

Pain and suffering damages should be considered separate because it's to pay for your personal pain and suffering. Your husband didn't experience that, so not entitled to that money.

That said, check with a lawyer before you deposit the check into a joint account if you want to keep those funds separate.

That said, my husband and I had both a small inheiritance and what was left of an accident settlement after bills paid. But we had a long marriage with joint finances and we discussed large purchases or spends before making them, so we were comfortable making those joint as well.

Classic case of what’s mine is mine what’s yours is mine.

In think it’s selfish to consider It only yours and not use it for something that could benefit the family

No I don’t pay 50/50 but this is because I was a SAHP for a while and my salary took the inevitable hit.

He is generous with money. I can’t argue that but I just feel like this incident happened to me. I did all the work to get a settlement. It’s taken over a year and I pursued the claim.

Why should he get an equal say about what happens with the (my) compensation?

Maybe he was doing child care or working when she did it,

Why should you get an equal share in his earnings then? Am assuming you wished to be a sahp and it wasn’t forced on you?

This is very interesting as a question. It would be in my account but essentially family money in my house. Holidays. What the children need. Therapy / physio for me, depending on what the issue wasz

I received some compensation recently and DH very definitely considered it to be mine, as I was the one who was injured.

I used it to pay off debt incurred in relation to the house and car and I'm getting some work done in the garden that we could have done between us, but I'd rather outsource. I bought some frivolous bits and a small amount will stay in savings.

So I suppose it's ended up being joint in the end really!

I’d also like to know if your husband supported you and your family, during and after the incident that gave rise to your compensation.

I cannot imagine my kids dad getting an unexpected windfall and spending it on treats for himself only. What kind of shit does that?

Why would you not want to spend the money on your husband and kids also ?
I couldn't imagine spending the majority of a large sum on just myself regardless of why i came into the money it just wouldn't feel right at all and it would give me pleasure treating those i loved.
Then i would let it sit in the bank to dip into for further nice things for us all in the future.

It’s clearly form a car crash that much is obvious. That’s fine if you take it as your money you’d be right too but I hope if your husband gets ever gets any money himself he doesn’t share it.

It depends how comfortable your family is. If you’re all scraping by then I think it would be awful for you to keep the whole amount yourself. If you’re financially ok it wouldn’t be such a big issue.

I think this answer is what makes you unreasonable.

If you’d given an answer along the lines of “of course it would be his money, it would be very hypocritical of me to say otherwise” then fair enough.

But I don’t understand how you can rationalise keeping it to yourself while also admitting that if it was his money you’d expect him to share it!! (the fact that you don’t think he would have gone after the money is irrelevant, the question is if he had)

Yes, that's also possible.