To not consider this “family money”

[ImNotSharing]

I will shortly be receiving a large sum of money (large to me). It is a compensation payment.

Our finances are joint and DH considers it family money. I do not. AIBU?

Happy to answer questions but I’m mainly here for the vote.

Would be family money in my house, but I'd have the veto over it (so if DH wanted a new car and I didn't, it wouldn't be spent on that - but I might use it to prioritise some house renovations I want doing).

But you can pay for your hobby and clothes out of family money... you must be doing that anyway. If with this family money you can afford a shopping spree - go for it!

Would you have felt that way if you'd used up your annual leave or taken a hit with your own work to look after him or take over his share of child-related and domestic work because of his accident?

I think this makes a difference if someone is keeping a large compensation payment not required for rehabilitation or equipment 100% to themselves, especially if it means they have a lot more "fun money" than a spouse who supported their recovery, or the family is worse off in whatever way because of the accident.

Are you not usually able to treat yourself to new clothes or spending on your hobby?
If you live very frugally always spending what you have on things for DC, I'd think it was a good opportunity to spoil yourself. But if a family holiday is something you couldn't usually afford and there's not much disparity in what gets spent on you all, I'd go with the family holiday.
Is there not the possibility of you getting what you want aswell as other in the family getting something?
I don't really agree with you saying you worked hard for it if wages all go in one pot. Employment is (usually) hard work too.

Do you even like your husband?

It was not for treats. Where did you get that from?
If he had no kids, he would have got the same payment.

There was still specific benefit to Dad when he was compensated (as per my pp) in that he was then able to afford the payments required for British naturalisation and the rest of the money then went to paying for plane tickets etc for our first trip to Dad's home country.

It would be family money here, even in the circumstances you describe. We’d probably spend it on holidays or reducing our mortgage so we had more disposable income. Although if was substantial my DH would be happy for me to spend some of it on me (breaks with friends, therapy, fun stuff etc). But any money here is family money.

Because you had previously agreed to share your incomes.

He does all the work to earn his salary. Why shouldn't he keep it to himself?

This would be my thinking on it too.

Sounds ok to spend it on you then - if it’s you that have suffered all the affects

I guess if family have had to support is share it

Dh and I don't have shared money.

You say the compensation wlia not needed for rehab, so for me it would be family money. If you needed it for rehab or for aids to help you out then that would be different.

I dont think you get to be selfish and keep it all for yourself here.

do you not think as He supported you to stay home, pays for you as you dint earn much you should share?

I simply can’t imagine having my husband subsidise me,coming into a large sum and declaring I wouldn’t spend it on my family but clothes and my hobby,

I want complete control over the funds, so I don’t want a discussion about saving it for uni fees or similar.

Honestly? I don’t think he gets a say, which is why I’m posting. Maybe I will save a % for the children. I certainly won’t spend it all on my hobby 😆 BUT I don’t want to feel like I have to justify what I’m doing with the money (because I see it as mine).

We were in a similar position but it was DH who received the compensation payment. He treated it as family money. I would have been disappointed if he’d spent it all on clothes and his hobby, but it was very substantial - mortgage paying off level money.

How is it any difference to the money he earns?

I got a compensation payout last year, 11 thousand pounds. This was a payout because I was the victim of a violent crime over twenty years ago, I’ve been with my husband 11 years.
He was clear from the get go… This is your money not family money.
I’ve booked a couple of holidays, one with the kids, one for me and him because I wanted to, it definitely wasn’t expected.
DH car didn’t pass its mot and I also paid for the repair (£900) again he didn’t ask, I wanted to help.

It would be family money here - towards a goal of some sort. I know my DH would insist a proportion was spent on something for me and I’d want the majority to go into savings for whatever we’re saving for.

Yes it happened to you but Im guessing the rest of the family were also impacted to some degree.

Sorry I just realised I didn’t answer your question!

My hobby is funded from the joint account - as are his!!

What is he spending it on then, that is personal to him only?

Surely if you generally treat money as family money then this should be family money too. The fact you pursed the claim I think is irrelevant personally, as otherwise surely each of your salary should not be family money as your the one doing the job?!

This is a good point, is your hobby and clothes not already partly funded by your husband?

Well, if I was in your situation, DH would tell me the money was all mine to choose what I wanted to spend it on. I would spend a little on me, and the rest of it on both of us. If it was a truly substantial sum some of it would go to my DS and my DSS.

But he earns most of the money and doesn’t grudge you.

The incident happened to you but did it not impact your family at all? As you did all the work to win the compensation maybe buy something for yourself but then I would do something to benefit the family.

I’d say it’s funded by the money her DH isn’t spending on childcare?