To think my dd is very young to be pregnant

[Nantobeb777]

Just 23

I was knee deep in IVF at 23!

I was 22 when I had my son. It had it's disadvantages. I didn't have a career knuckled down, I was skint, no life experience (and no one around me to guide me due to an abusive partner who alienated me from my friends and family) and I regret not getting to travel when I was younger.
BUT, all that said, it had a lot of advantages. I was young and had bags of energy. DS is 18 and I'm only 40. I'm young enough to get my life and career back, and I have more money to travel. I am very close to DS, I attribute this in part to being younger when I had him. I couldn't have any more children. Had I not had DS when I did, I wouldn't have had a child at all.
Things happen for a reason, even if it is not clear at the time.

Agree . Way too young to get bogged down with kids . I think 30 is perfect . Young people should live their lives first .

In 2026, of course it's young.

How will she support the baby?

23 is quite young but not too young. All depends on her circumstances and if she's mature enough to cope. Personally that age was too young for me, was at university, travelling, looking for a career, so would have been wrong time.

For many, if in a secure relationship for years, happy in whatever they're doing and feeling financially secure, the excitement for a baby is the next step.

I had my first at 23 and my second at 37. I'm definitely a better mum second time around. I have so much more insight into life and my own shortcomings. But the other side of that is that I'm bloody knackered and dealing with a tweenager in perimenopause. Swings and roundabouts I suppose and everyone is different.

I agree with you OP. When I was 23 I was still having fun and going out and travelling. 23 does seem quite young.

I think you are getting lots of biased responses from people who had their children young. It’s less of the norm now to have them so young, women tend to be a bit older.

Yes of course it’s young.

Obviously it never used to be young but times have changed.

I had a baby as a teen and so I’d never judge anyone else.

Being an old mum comes with a lot more challenges and so I would be happy for her that she doesn’t have to deal with those issues.

A baby is also not a death sentence.
Many women can now still have a great career and travel etc and so she can still be young and fun even with a child,

I have several colleagues who had children at the age of 23 and 24. They are now 32 and 33( the colleagues) and forging ahead with their careers, large new houses and good relationships.
My best friends dd has 4 children and is 24. She is in a happy marriage and doing her social work degree. I know that takes some juggling but she has a supportive husband who picks up the children's routines and isnt a shirker.
Seriously 23 is you g for some things but not to have a baby.

I always see on here people saying about young mum's is that they haven't travelled or haven't had a career and two things strike me.
1 is that some have done some travelling or would rather have their children young and do the travelling bit in their 40s ( and why not)

1. They dont want them things and are home bodies and family is the most important thing for them.

I know quite a few people over the years ( friend's adult dd's, colleagues etc) who thought they had all the time in the world to have babies and it turns out leaving until you are mid 30s isnt always a good idea.
Personally I wouldn't worry and acknowledge she has been as adult for several years and can maker her own informed decisions.

I think you are getting lots of biased responses from people who had their children young. It’s less of the norm now to have them so young, women tend to be a bit older.
I wasn't a 'younger' mum but in hindsight I wish I had been.

100% this! Is she a 23 year old with additional needs / vulnerable ? Or did you just have a different expectation for her ?

I’ll present the flip side - I had my dc at 34 (v nearly 35) It was the right time for me and I have no regrets - but I am exhausted 🤣 decisions about a second feel almost rushed as concerns re fertility. As a pp said it has been tricky for both my partner and I to adapt to parenthood having had so much autonomy for so long(although this may be the case at any age). My own Mum is 67 and my Dad is 74 - they’re both well but not fit enough to rough and tumble with my dc. I worry about them and looking after them as they get older. I worry about having a pre menstrual dd whilst I’m menopausal. I wouldn’t go back and change anything as I feel so lucky to have had the life I’ve had but there’s always a trade off and there’s no perfect time.

unless there’s a backstory dripfeed - I’m sure your daughter will be a great mother and rise to the challenge as we all do - and hopefully not feel as haggered as I do whilst doing it

Maybe in the same way any other mother does?

23 is not too young. There are definitely benefits to having children younger. I got pregnant at 24 and had my first at 25. Had my second at 29, I would absolutely not have wanted to be any older.

Yabu. I was 22 the first time I got pregnant.

Biologically, it's perfect. 23 is a great age to have your first child. You are old enough, sensible enough and know (just) enough to enjoy it and have fun doing the rearing. But can you afford it? Which is where the tax payer's voice gets loud and shrill. If you are on any public funding, you had better be the right parent.

What does that even mean?

Mothers support their babies in many different ways. She can't support her baby in all of them.

I think your perspective is skewed by society’s standards. Infantilising women to the point where so many are having children in their mid-thirties or later is actually quite damaging. A lot of women then struggle with fertility when they finally feel it’s the “right” age, and even when they do fall pregnant, raising a child later in your fertility can take a toll on your body. Our early twenties will always be the biologically optimal time to have children. If you’re concerned, the best thing you can do is offer support.

Times change

I think that's too young as well. She should build a bit of a career first.

I think this.

It's toward the younger end these days for sure.

You sometimes get threads on here where people rant about older mothers and how it's unfair for the baby.

I tend to feel more sorry for babies of younger parents tbh: less financial advantages, less maturity and less life experience - all of which I think are more important for parenting than energy as, let's face it, how many times do you really need to be running round the park each day?

But depending on the mother, I suppose it isn't "too young." I just hope she did some of the things she wanted to before getting tied down, as they are a huge commitment and I never think it is great for children when their parents are kind of torn between two worlds/lifestyles.

What do you think about the father?

I agree - not the ideal outcome and so
much she will miss out on. On the upside (having had my kids at 38 & 41) she will be able to retire early and be there for her children until they are old, whereas we will have two children at uni so prob won’t be able to retire for at least another 10 years, and I feel especially bad that I’ll be likely be departing this life while my kids are in their 40s, possibly very early 50s for the eldest…

Everyone is different. I had my DC as a teenager so 23 to me sounds fine!

I was 23 and she’s now 22. It’s been amazing, I was married, good job, owned a house. I’ve loved being a young ish mum an my second was born when I was 26. They are fab young adults and we share a lot in common

I was 24.

The youngest person I knew personally to have a baby was 14. That's young. Into your early 20s it might not be as common as it used to be, but it really is fine. You are an adult. Physically you are prime for it- I had my last baby mid 30s and that was so, so much harder physically, I was shocked by the contrast to the earlier pregnancies.

I thought you were going to say 16 to 17. I was 24 with my first. I breastfed for a year, and then got pregnant again. My DC thrived and are educated to masters level.

I don’t see your problem OP.

It is young these days.