To think my dd is very young to be pregnant

[Nantobeb777]

Just 23

I had my first at 23. Wouldn’t change a thing. I had just graduated and got a good job and everything was fine career wise. Absolutely loved being a young mum, I had so much energy, didn’t overthink things and my son was the most easygoing baby ever.
I wouldn’t change a thing. I’m sure my parents would have been concerned but they never expressed that to me - they were just incredibly loving and supportive. It was actually a wonderful time and the bond between my eldest and my parents is amazing. The happiest of times.

Also all of my close friends had their first children by the age of 28 so 23 wasn’t actually that young. I’m late 40’s now.

Totally depends on the situation. I don’t know anyone who had children before 30, because everyone I know did a long degree followed by years of intense training. So in my circle that’s very young, because we were all still at uni.

Others who’ve done shorter degrees, or pursued a career that doesn’t require a degree and years of training, will be perfectly sufficiently established to be parents at that age.

You need to be sufficiently emotionally and mentally stable to provide
good care to a child, and sufficiently financially stable to meet your obligations as a parent. That happens across a range of ages.

I was pregnant with my first dd at 29, my grandad famously said 'but she's so young!' My aunt slapped him down with the phrase 'she's geriatric in pregnancy terms!' Thanks Aunty M 😂!!!! Biologically 16-18 is the best age to have babies, obviously from a maturity point of view maybe not!

23 used to be considered positively ancient for your fist pregnancy!

I do hope, @Nantobeb777 , that you are not making your daughter feel anything other than happy with her pregnancy?

If she had a good job and was in a serious relationship, preferably married, I wouldn’t be too worried.

if she is still figuring out her life, then yes, I would be concerned.

I was 24 when DP got pregnant, she was a couple of years older 27.

Do I feel that maybe we missed out on some stuff? Yes, a little bit, but more the early stages of our relationship rather than being young and free and single (We'd had DD before our relationship was a year old!)

However, DD is now 18, and off to uni in September, and I'm only 42. I look at all my friends with their toddlers and think "Thank fuck I'm past all that". I looks after my brothers 6 and 3 year old for a few hours and wonder how of earth a parent of my age copes with that all the bloody time!

When DD was born, yes, I thought "What the fuck have we done" a hell of a lot, but now, I wouldn't change a thing

There's no right time. I lost my mum before I had mime and that time would have been precious. Noone knows what the future holds. If, heaven forbid, you find yourself seriously unwell in a few years you'll all be glad you got to meet your grandchild and be part of your the journey.

Ok, its a shock. So take some time and when you feel like you can be the supportive mum she needs, throw yourself into it.

I had mine younger. And now I'm in my 40s I can say I'd not want to be starting much older than 23.
I think the more modern trend of normalising having them when a hairs breadth away from menopause worse... 🤷‍♀️

No, it didn’t. Never in recorded history has 23 been considered “positively ancient” for a first pregnancy. You are conflating aristocratic marriages (which were not consummated for years afterwards) with the life lived by the general populace.

Yes 23 is young by today’s standards.

Are your daughter and her partner both working, living independently and generally functioning as adults?

Pros and cons of having children on the young side. On the plus side her child will be 10 when many are having a first baby and when she is 43 will be fairly free of child responsibilities. From a career perspective I’d encourage her to have all her children young not to space them out too much to get the full benefit. In some ways I wish I’d had my children younger.

Of course shes not. But in my experience most people are in their 30s nowadays, or late twenties with their first. Every baby group I currently go to everyone is around that age, of course the odd person is older or younger.

Well some people have enjoyed a free life without responsibility of kids. Im so so glad im in my mid 30s having kids, not one of my friends have them 'young' we were too busy having fun and now we get the best of both worlds. What you've said is really rude to people who maybe have struggled to conceive or didnt find the right partner till older.

At 23 I was a mum to a 2 year old living with his Dad and expecting our second baby. I wouldnt say 23 is too young.

I think its different when its our babies having babies. My 2 year old is now 19. Me and his Dad was probably in talks about trying for a baby at the age he is now. I fell pregnant when I was 20. Had him 2 weeks after my 21st birthday. I had a baby 8 weeks ago and to be honest when I see him care for his little sis I do think hes too young but then I think back to me at his age. Then I feel like a hypocrite lol hard to admit our babies are fully grown adults now 🥺

No, she's not "very young." She might be younger than you'd like if you hope that she will have a strong career and have a good grounding for an independent life. But that's not the same thing.

It’s entirely dependent upon the social circle and circumstances isn’t it?

23 would have been incredibly unusually young in my family or social circle when I was that age and the same now for my daughters and their friends. All went to university so were in first steps in career ladder at 23 or travelling the world and even if dating in no way in a long term relationship or financial situation to consider having children.

Whereas if you left school at 16 or 18 and had been working and in a long term relationship , then maybe having a child at 23 wouldn’t feel so odd

It’s young, but not ‘very’ young imo. Lots of women now seem to be 30+.

I suppose it depends on circumstances though.

I had our first child at 24. I didn’t feel too young as we had been together 5 years, finished uni, had bought a house together, had worked for a few years, travelled a lot and had a lot of fun. I had some health issues when I was in my early 30s that would have meant I’d have been unlikely to be able to have children so it was actually a good job we had children in our 20s.

That was 20+ years ago though, I can’t imagine my kids being ready for children at the age I was though. They’re very responsible and capable, but seem so young in many ways.

Not at all, if she’s in a long-term committed relationship and seems capable of taking on the responsibilities of parenting.

Having done it, it’s a fantastic age to have a child if the circumstances allow, as it means you’re more likely to bounce back from the physical impact of pregnancy and giving birth faster, you’re full of energy at the age when your child is the most sleepless/demanding/active, you’re still young when they’re difficult teenagers, and if they have children, you’ll be a younger grandparent! There are loads of positives.

Honestly, unless you have a demanding professional career in your 20s/30s to focus on, I think it makes much more sense than having your first at 38 or so.

Everyone is different. I'm married and financially stable and we live abroad so I am seeing the world.

Yes. I'm married and financially stable and we live abroad. My toddler dd has my attention 24/7 and we spend hours at parks and groups and doing different activities. I'm in my third trimester and still have plenty of energy to do all of this.

I think I'm doing a good job and I love being a mum.

It is young statistically, but it's also fine, she's an adult.

Pretty young these days, I don't know anyone whose had children at that age

Yes 23 is young in my judgement. I would rather DD was travelling and or building a career at this stage, though plenty of people will take a different view.

YABU. I thought you were going to say she was a teenager.

I turned 23 a few months before my first baby was born. I do sometimes think I was young and could have experienced life a bit more, but now both my kids will be adults by the time I’m early to mid 40s. My mum and dad were both older when I was born (40s) and both were dead before I reached 30. There are pros and cons to both.

If I ever have grandchildren, I wouldn’t care what age my children had them, as long as they ideally aren’t teenagers. Their situation and whether they were happy would matter more than their age.