DH has just revealed that he has nothing to show from 30k inheritance

[Booboomylove]

My DH and I have been together for 5.5 years and married for just over 6 months. We both own our homes and he moved in with me after a year together. His house is currently rented out. I like to think that I’m quite good with money eg getting the best mortgage rate etc, however he has ‘owned’ his home since 2006 and only ever had an interest only mortgage, on a variable rate which has sky rocketed over the last few years. The house is now rented out which at least covers the mortgage and we are going to cut losses and sell.
Last night we were talking about inheritance as a blended family and he said he thought it would go 3 ways between his adult DS, my teenage DD and his DS’s son (age 8). I said no that’s not right, your grandson will get his inheritance via your son, I didn’t get anything directly from my grandparents, did you? DH said yes 15 years ago I got 30k from my Nan!
We have been together 5+ years and I didn’t know this, also we have always discussed how skint we’ve been in the past and it’s like a shared experience that we are respectful of.

Anyway, he is refusing to tell me what happened to the 30k, he says it’s none of my business whereas I think it is something I ought to know about him as his wife eg is he an absolute idiot with money? He’s gone to bed in a mood.

The opposite can also be true. I had a house on an interest only mortgage that deprecated and ended up owing £30,000. I also bought it with no deposit. This was very common in the 2000s. My exh thought it was a great idea. So any assets he may have could be eaten up by that. Anyone who has an interest only mortgage who then got 30,000 and didnt use it to pay it off, I would be very concerned about. In any case, it sounds like any assets would be very small, there may well be debt, and 3 ways will contain a large partbpf assets from the OP. So no i dont think is generous, I think there arevred flags everywhere and OP should not agree. That way if she's wrong she's wrong and will bequeathed only her assets to her daughter.

He’s got one child and so has she, and he’s got a grandchild.

He has a DS old enough for an 8 year old GC, so likely DS was a teenager 15 years ago - not exactly the time to go on a jaunt around the world for a couple of years

Honestly, if this isn't a warning against marrying in mid/later life I don't know what is!

I honestly don't get why people still do it.

Yes, YABU about the inheritance, that’s just ridiculous.

Write a will so your 50% goes to your child, he can leave his 50% to who he likes.

3 ways is just talking about his will, with his assets. We have no idea what OP is going to put in her will for her assets. There won’t be any of OP’s assets being given in his will unless OP fails to write a will or writes a will giving her DH everything AND she dies before he does,

Should not agree? She has no veto power over someone else’s will.

If I’m being completely honest I would have been disappointed if Dh told me he had inherited 30k and had nothing to show for it, especially if he had a mortgage, we would definitely not have been aligned in how we see money. i would be worried about that.

Tbh OP I think your attitudes are very different and I think you need to think carefully about any financial decisions you make with him. It does sound like on the face of it he wants to gift your assets to his own family whereas in your shoes I would think they belong to my DD, i think perhaps it’s best of you start ring fencing things like your house for her.

Honestly this is why I would never ever remarry if my marriage broke down.

My grandparent left the same amount of money to each individual. Each of her children, their spouses, and grandchildren got the same figure.

What he spent his money on is not your business. You should have in the 5.5 years you have known him being able to work out how he is with his money. Now you are married are you pooling all your money? If you are worried about how he is with money management I would protect your money and keep them separate for a little bit until you are aware how he is with spending.

It does sound like on the face of it he wants to gift your assets to his own family whereas in your shoes I would think they belong to my DD,

I am not seeing this at all. He said he sees his assets going 3 ways gifting his step daughter 30%. The OP hasn’t even mentioned how she sees the inheritance of her assets going.

Sorry I don’t get why your daughter would get anything at all? Or am I missing something - are you leaving his son anything?

the 30k - non of your business!

The £30k could have been spent on the divorce for all we know.
And as a single dad with a DS, maybe he had to change the mortgage to IO to be able to afford to keep the house.

People are assuming the worst when it’s more likely that the divorce was expensive.

You know what he did with the money, he spaffed it on fuck all.

You just wanted him to say it out loud and acknowledge it 🤷‍♀️

Do people acknowledge theyre shit with money ?

It’s none of your business what he did with money 10 years before he met you.

But it’s odd that he won’t tell you.

I’d keep your house in your sole name and will 100% of it to your daughter. But not sure what he’s entitled to if you’re married and should divorce.

Can he sort out a BTL repayment mortgage on his home and leave that to his family?

What did he do with the money?
Cars, holidays, parties and the rest he just frittered away.
(George Best, footballer)

The house is now rented out which at least covers the mortgage and we are going to cut losses and sell.

the proceeds would be his. If he then invests that money in your home OP, then you need to add him as a tenant in common for whatever share of the house that buys.

It sounds like you are disappointed with his attitude to money in general and are perhaps annoyed that he has contributed less to the family pot overall than you will, but wants that pot to be split in favour of his family.

The 30k inheritance could have made a difference in that he could have put it against his house and changed to a repayment mortgage and if he did that years ago, the family pot would be bigger when it was sold.

Instead think you both need to have a good chat, do you budget together and agree on the day to day finances or is he a spender whilst you save?

I would want my child to have at least 50% especially if I had provided most of the inheritance.

You're right I didnt mean she shouldn't agree to the will, but is right in pushing back at her DH. Having been married to a man that sounds very much like the OPs, and having ignored my gut feelings over many years ending up in debt, I would not do the same again. I think advising the OP that this all sounds perfectly reasonable is dangerous. There are red flags everywhere and I think the OPs gut reaction should not be ignored.

Oh dear, you’ve married man who is terrible with money and now he’s got plans to take yours. Should have stayed just partners not married.
now you need to carefully protect your assets for your son. You say you both own a home but your DH actually doesn’t (did you know that before you married?) Be careful how much he will be entitled to your home- probably too late now you’re married though.
Make sure your will is watertight so your son at least inherits from you.

OP doesn’t have a son/DS

so he has spent 2k a year average for 15 years from his nan’s inheritance. Not a big deal and really none of your business

10 years before you even met he received 30k inheritance and you’re angry he didn’t mention this?! It was 30k, not million. Who cares?

What red flags? I think he is being unusually generous to intend to leave his teenage stepdaughter that he has only known for 5yrs a full 30% of his assets on equal footing with his son and grandson.

His money to do as he pleased way before he met you….. no point being angry about it.

but yeah… sounds like he was shit with his money and it gives you an insight if he IS still shit with his money now.

I think it is your business what he spent the money on because it potentially shows a general poor attitude to money. And that would worry me greatly

YADNBU

He’s not very money savvy at all is he!

He could have nearly paid his mortgage off by now if he’d had a repayment mortgage. It was just over base rate for years!

You’ve obviously hit a nerve re his £30k inheritance.

You need to look into getting a repayment mortgage for his house. Keep renting it out and at least he will build up equity to leave to his kids.

How old is he? He needs to wake up!