DH has just revealed that he has nothing to show from 30k inheritance

[Booboomylove]

My DH and I have been together for 5.5 years and married for just over 6 months. We both own our homes and he moved in with me after a year together. His house is currently rented out. I like to think that I’m quite good with money eg getting the best mortgage rate etc, however he has ‘owned’ his home since 2006 and only ever had an interest only mortgage, on a variable rate which has sky rocketed over the last few years. The house is now rented out which at least covers the mortgage and we are going to cut losses and sell.
Last night we were talking about inheritance as a blended family and he said he thought it would go 3 ways between his adult DS, my teenage DD and his DS’s son (age 8). I said no that’s not right, your grandson will get his inheritance via your son, I didn’t get anything directly from my grandparents, did you? DH said yes 15 years ago I got 30k from my Nan!
We have been together 5+ years and I didn’t know this, also we have always discussed how skint we’ve been in the past and it’s like a shared experience that we are respectful of.

Anyway, he is refusing to tell me what happened to the 30k, he says it’s none of my business whereas I think it is something I ought to know about him as his wife eg is he an absolute idiot with money? He’s gone to bed in a mood.

I think you need stop assuming there will be an inheritance, the houses might need to be sold for care fees

My husband got £20000 ish from his parents as an early inheritance when we were In our 20s. TBH we don’t do much sensible with it. Holidays and good times, extra luxuries for our wedding and it just went. We would spend it differently now but we did enjoy it and were child free at the time. Now we’re pushing 40 and have a house and a child and money of our own. We actually don’t regret wasting it as we had a bloody good time.

You are focusing on the wrong issue.

Is your DH rental home appreciating as an asset? If it is not being paid off because it is an interest only mortgage, what assets is he planning on bequeathing in a will? Yours??

How he spent his inheritance over a decade ago is irrelevant. It’s his attitude towards money today that matters. Do you have clarity on his finances, including earnings, spending and his financial plans towards retirement?
Because it sounds like his finances are chaotic whilst you are more prudent. Surely if you both own homes you would want to ensure your child inherits what you have worked hard for and he can leave whatever he has to his son & grandson. My concern would be that he actually has very little.

I know. I can read.

When DM died she left equal amounts to me, DH and DS, my brother and his two DC, nothing to brothers partner, (not the DCs father) It meant each side of the family got 3 equal shares.

The inheritance from 10 years previously before you met is not relevant.

I think your H is terrible with money and really grabby. Interest only mortgage for 20 years - stupid and short-sighted. Frittered away 30k - none of your business really, but very wasteful. Trying to say 1/3 of your joint estate goes to his grandson - cheeky fucker. I would have a long, hard think about whether this is someone I'd want to stay tied to. Also get your will sorted immediately. Make your pension arrangements very clear. Do not leave anything to chance as he will take advantage and not protect your DC's interest at all. He sees you as a meal ticket. Are you the higher earner?

Usually MN advised women in blended families to leave nothing to their step children because that is the responsibility of the child’s biological parents.

I think he is being unusually generous to give his step-daughter 30%.

There is also nothing wrong with willing money to your grandchildren so you were being ridiculous to say that his plan was not right.

Finally, it’s not your business what happened to £30k he inherited a decade before he even met you. You are being incredibly intrusive by demanding an answer.

It's odd that he got so weird about you asking what he did with it.
But, as others have said, his general attitude to finances is more of a concern.

I'm always interested in why people in your position get married though & don't just live together.
It feels like you and potentially your family have more to lose in this situation and I just wonder what the benefit of getting married in later life really is.

I'd be more annoyed about him having a house on an IO mortgage for 20 years, 15 of that would have cost hardly anything as interest rates were virtually zero. He could have almost paid for that house by now.

That's not normal

30% of what though? He doesn't have anything. He has a house on an interest only mortgage that he has no plans on how he will change. The only assets he has are the OPs. Very generous to give the OPs daughter 30% of her own assets.

I was assuming this was marital assets rather than just his half - if it’s just his money up for discussion then yeah, he can literally leave it to whoever he likes!

Inheritance aside, why does his family get a larger share when he has next to no assets? Sell his house, he gets to keep that money to give to his son or for it to vanish, your house goes 100% to your daughter.

But again, what is he leaving? It doesn't sound life he has anything. So he is suggesting cutting 3 ways assets that are the OPs not his.

I think he is being unusually generous to give his step-daughter 30%.

He also expects the OP to leave 2/3 of her estate to his child and grandchild.. so i certainly wouldn't say he's being generous

There is also nothing wrong with willing money to your grandchildren so you were being ridiculous to say that his plan was not right.

Of course there is nothing wrong either it, but again the OP feels an inequality of HER assets given HER descendants will receive less

The problem is that they are married. So he has practically nothing and OP has more, but they are all joint assets. And he has plans to pass 2/3 of them to his child and grandchild. He's a grifter. OP should divorce ASAP and cut her losses.

10 years before you met, nothing to do with you. Also, it strikes me when people marry knowing their partner is bad with x y or z then use this as leverage against them. You made a choice to get married believing your partner is bad with money.

With a will you can only bequeath your own assets, not your spouse’s assets. So no he would not be bequeathing anything belonging to OP.

Secondly, you can build up equity on an IO mortgage. Twenty years is about how long he has owned the house. Let’s use average house price for ease of calculation. Hypothetically, if he bought the house for £114k in 2006, it would now be worth £268k. He would have had to have at least 10% deposit, so his mortgage would be at £103k. As it’s IO, the balance would still be £103k but the house is now worth £268k leaving him with equity of £165k

In addition, he is likely to have a workplace pension pot that can be inherited.

It is up to him what of his assets he wishes to bequeath and to whom. MN usually advises women to bequeath zero to step children, which would be OP’s teenage daughter, as she has her own dad she can inherit from.

You are not being unreasonable and I get what you're saying here.

1. It is not that you expected him to save his 30k to share it with his future missus like some posters on here are implying. 🙄 It is the decision making part of this person that you are shocked and possibly a bit saddened by. 30k and nothing to show for it years later - "is this guy even worse with money than I thought?!"
2. It does not get split three ways and you are not his grandson's grandmother
3. PPs whining about "there might not be an inheritence if care homes are needed!!" - people die at all different ages for all different reasons and it is therefore food practice to keep a will up to date with an "if I died tomorrow" mindset.

The 3 way split inheritance thing is a bit worrying. The interest only mortgage is a bit worrying.

Don’t really think running through 30k, 15 years ago when his DS was presumably a young adult, is that concerning. His reluctance to talk about it might be - hardly surprising if you immediately seemed utterly shocked and judgy, though.

And him having an inheritance 15 years ago doesn’t mean he hasn’t lived through being broke or doesn’t understand what that’s like. He can still have a very different attitude to money from you, though. The question you ought to be considering is - what is he like with money now? Do you have reason to think he’s frittering away money at your expense? Or racking up debt? Are you supposed to be jointly saving for anything (or just generally) and is he doing a reasonable job of that? What’s the state of his pension? Basically ask yourself - is how he handles money now compatible with your approach and are you happy to continue to be tied to it? That’s what matters.

You can sort your own will (and ought to in any case) so that you leave enough to your DS that you’re satisfied even if it involves leaving your house to him with a right for DH to live there until he dies or something. See a solicitor about sorting that out so that it’s done properly and doesn’t leave things in a way that might make a court case more likely or tie up your DH or DS in a way that will be difficult or expensive to sort out.

They are not automatically joint assets in a short marriage. Anything acquired prior to marriage is likely to still be owned only by OP or by the DH. You can also specify what goes where in your will. It is only if you die with no will that the state assumes everything you own goes to your spouse.

Why did you marry him if you thought he was bad with money, because you must have known?

This. An interest free mortgage, plus nothing to show for his inheritance is a red flag. He has zero money skills 97
. I wouldn't want joint finances or a shared property with him.

I think you are getting a hard time and others if in your position would feel the same - I know I would

It is a little strange. So he’s had a house /mortgage for 20yrs. Barely paid any money off it as interest only - who does that for so long and how does he think he will pay the balance

so had years of extra income - what did it do with it ?

15yrs ago got £30k and nothing to show for it

he is very bad with money and yes I prob would like to know where it went

does he have debts / gambling /drinking issues as the money went somewhere

or just spent bringing up his son ?

you say no passport but maybe had one and ran out ? So a few holidays

This is why he doesn’t want to tell you. He knows you are only asking so you can deride him for how he spent it.

I’d focus more on present day issues, such as how he plans to pay off the mortgage on his rented out property.