DH has just revealed that he has nothing to show from 30k inheritance

[Booboomylove]

My DH and I have been together for 5.5 years and married for just over 6 months. We both own our homes and he moved in with me after a year together. His house is currently rented out. I like to think that I’m quite good with money eg getting the best mortgage rate etc, however he has ‘owned’ his home since 2006 and only ever had an interest only mortgage, on a variable rate which has sky rocketed over the last few years. The house is now rented out which at least covers the mortgage and we are going to cut losses and sell.
Last night we were talking about inheritance as a blended family and he said he thought it would go 3 ways between his adult DS, my teenage DD and his DS’s son (age 8). I said no that’s not right, your grandson will get his inheritance via your son, I didn’t get anything directly from my grandparents, did you? DH said yes 15 years ago I got 30k from my Nan!
We have been together 5+ years and I didn’t know this, also we have always discussed how skint we’ve been in the past and it’s like a shared experience that we are respectful of.

Anyway, he is refusing to tell me what happened to the 30k, he says it’s none of my business whereas I think it is something I ought to know about him as his wife eg is he an absolute idiot with money? He’s gone to bed in a mood.

She has a say if it is her money. She hasn’t made it clear who the assets to be passed on belong to.

It may not be op’s business but i would certainly be questioning why he felt so strongly about keeping her in the dark.

None of your business what he spent money on before you were together. Slightly surprised that you are married and - by the sounds of it - don’t have wills? Or at least haven’t talked about what’s in your wills.
If you die tomorrow (god forbid) he will get everything and could leave your DD with nothing in future. If you want to protect t her inheritance you need to put it in writing.

OP, I don't think you're being unreasonable. This is a red flag as regards finances and his lack of responsibility with money. An interest only mortgage is for idiots, frankly. He's not the only one that's done it but it does mean he's just renting, from the bank rather than a landlord but renting all the same. If he sells it for what he paid for it, you'll be still be out of pocket on the fees. If he sells for less than he paid, you very much are 'cutting your losses'. What was his long term plan for that house assuming it was his main residence? £30k is a sizeable chunk of money, if he won't tell you what he did with it he's pissed it up against a wall. Not a good look. If he already had kids by that stage, (and he clearly did if his son is now an adult and he has a grandson aged 8) he's an irresponsible man. I'd be seeing him in a very different light if it were me. I don't understand why more posters aren't calling him a cock lodger, but it's an inheritance one and normal rules don't apply on here it seems.

Maybe he hasn’t spent inheritance and it’s in the bank and he didn’t want to tell OP, then that would be his money to pass on. Any money in his account would be classed as his money, it could be the money from his house sale he’s planning on sharing out. Non of those are OPs business

They’re married, so I’m afraid likely everything is a joint asset of the marriage… plus he might own assets by the time he dies!

I know, but they weren't when he got the £30,000 inheritance. In fact, it was ten years before they met, so how can that be any of her business?

Agree but the issue is they’re talking about where the inheritance of their current combined assets will go, as I understand it. And he wants 2/3 to go to his family. But we don’t know who currently owns the assets in question. The 30k spent inheritance is a completely different issue to the one of how their joint assets will be left in their wills.

Why does he have to, ffs? It was long before they met. Next, people'll be saying he should admit to how many women he slept with before he got married.

I’ve already said this - an indication of attitudes towards money. I can’t help you any further.

Okay, don't try, then. Problem solved.

Have they been given the new government paperwork?

I was only trying because you kept replying to my posts but don’t worry I’ve given up now 😄.

Anyone saying “it’s none of your business what he did with the money before he met you.” Is full of shit.

You wouldn’t be committing financially to a man yourself if they had a shady past with their finances. Blowing 30k and having nothing to show and not wanting to talk about it coupled with the fact he’s had an interest only mortgage for ages is financial red flags.

Anyone saying it’s none of OPs business or that they wouldn’t care isn’t actually thinking about how they’d legitimately react themselves in the situation.

No woman with an ounce of brains would tie themselves financially to this man without having answers to questions and legal documents drawn up.

? Sorry what? No plans to pay it off? His plan is to sell it and take the equity for another house because he is sick of being a landlord. That is all in the OP.

As for refusing to discuss money sensibly, all he has done is refuse to discuss the details of exactly how he spent a paltry £30k inheritance he received 15yrs ago, 10 years before he even met his wife. Her demands to dig into the details of distant past are what is not sensible.

@DaisyChain505
You do have a flair for drama.
I certainly would not want my husband questioning and critiquing me on how I spent my own money over a decade before I met him.
It is none of his business and the same goes for OP wanting to conduct an HMRC style compliance check on his finances from 2010.
So, I’d like to suggest you modify the ‘full of shit’ and ‘without an ounce of brains’ towards those of us who actually have healthy boundaries when it comes to overly intrusive and obsessive questioning about whether we spent too much of our money on (whatever) in 2010, ten years before we even met our future husband or wife.

From this reply and your previous before that it’s clear you’re not really financially intelligent as you don’t seem to see any issue in having a long term interest only mortgage even after having being given a 30k lump sum.

Buying a house with someone else is one of the biggest financial decisions and risks you take in your life. You should know someone’s financial history and behaviour before doing so and the mysteriously disappearing 30k along side the interest only mortgage and his hostility towards talking about any of this is hugely concerning.

Your attitude of “it’s none of OPs business” is immature and naive.

I would add that you should know and understand someone's financial history and attitude to finances before you marry them too!

Even more risky than buying a house together...

Aren’t most BTL mortgages interest only?

No that all changed in 2008. They want capital paying off these loans because the increases are no longer guaranteed not that they ever were.

He bought the house in 2006… unless he’s been extremely unluckily the house will have equity in it.

Sorry I replied to the wrong post. This one makes an excellent point

My friend took out an interest only BTL mortgage in 2020 so I don’t think that’s true. AI confirms that most BTL mortgages are still interest only.

Bank of England:

www.bankofengland.co.uk/quarterly-bulletin/2023/2023/the-buy-to-let-sector-and-financial-stability

The majority of all new loans have LTV ratios below 75%. In the first three quarters of 2023, only around 1% of all new BTL loans originated with LTVs at or above 80%. These LTVs are much lower than is usual for owner-occupier mortgages. But given the majority (82%) of BTL loans are on interest only terms, rather than repaying the principal, the LTVs on BTL loans fall more slowly over time, driven foremost by rising property prices.

It’s another point as to the equity - we have an interest only mortgage but because of inheritance etc our LTV is less than 50%. So there’s equity in the house even if prices stagnate.