DH has just revealed that he has nothing to show from 30k inheritance

[Booboomylove]

My DH and I have been together for 5.5 years and married for just over 6 months. We both own our homes and he moved in with me after a year together. His house is currently rented out. I like to think that I’m quite good with money eg getting the best mortgage rate etc, however he has ‘owned’ his home since 2006 and only ever had an interest only mortgage, on a variable rate which has sky rocketed over the last few years. The house is now rented out which at least covers the mortgage and we are going to cut losses and sell.
Last night we were talking about inheritance as a blended family and he said he thought it would go 3 ways between his adult DS, my teenage DD and his DS’s son (age 8). I said no that’s not right, your grandson will get his inheritance via your son, I didn’t get anything directly from my grandparents, did you? DH said yes 15 years ago I got 30k from my Nan!
We have been together 5+ years and I didn’t know this, also we have always discussed how skint we’ve been in the past and it’s like a shared experience that we are respectful of.

Anyway, he is refusing to tell me what happened to the 30k, he says it’s none of my business whereas I think it is something I ought to know about him as his wife eg is he an absolute idiot with money? He’s gone to bed in a mood.

The maths doesn't make sense to me. Anyone who has owned a house since 2006 has made a really big chunk of money. Even if they were just paying the interest - the house will be worth 65 to 75 % more on average than they paid for it !!! So if he bought at 200k it will be worth around 340k. So a nice 140k profit, plus the extra income from the rental period. Plus the inheritance. Plus the extra income from not paying interest. He should be very comfortable.
I know he hasn't- but if he had been sensible and paying by repayment the mortgage would also be close to being fully paid by now.
Something extra is going on here, like he has been dipping into the equity over the years, and also not using that money wisely. I know that sounds nuts but some people really do roll along through life with that kind of idiotic lack of acumen. The op needs to get to the bottom of this - as they are freshly married and his attitude to frivolous financial planning is now her problem...

He is probably like my bil. Before he met dsis he had run up a load of debt and had absolutely nothing at all to show for it. He was just living a lifestyle his wages didn't pay for - holidays, tech, meals out & socialising.

I make no claims to be "normal" but it's what I did.

Someone having an interest only mortgage with no plans to pay it off, even though they had the means to make the situation better is a red flag. I know from my own mortgage that he will be getting contacted on a regular basis from the mortgage company asking him how he is going to pay it off as they are required to, as people going into debt, particualry now with interest rising hugely, is a significant issue. Refusing to discuss money sensibly with his wife and going to bed in a mood is a red flag. I would have no issues discussing this with my now husband and do regularly. Getting moody about something and retracting is a way of avoidance. people go into marriage (as i did) naively not thinking about the contract side of it and the OP is right to feel uneasy abput his attitude and think about how to protect it.

I am more worried about the fact that he apparently hasn’t got a plan for paying off the capital on his 2006 mortgage. Is that what you (both?) intend to pay off and cut your losses?
I also got an interest only mortgage in 2006 which l sorted out years ago.

The fact his frittered away an inheritance was way before you were on the scene is not your business as such but shows how useless he is with money and his cageyness is offputting.

as long as there is provision for you then I think it’s reasonable what he is proposing re a will.
my late DGM (DGF had already died) split hers between my dad, my uncle (her two sons) and me, a third each

I think you need to forget the £30k as it was way before you got together. What's important is what you do going forward.

Will any proceeds of selling his house be split equally between you, or put towards paying off your mortgage? Does he pay towards your mortgage currently?

Your house will be the major marital asset. If I was you I'd ensure you're listed as tenants in common, not joint tenants, and put your half in trust for your child. I'd set conditions that DH could remain there until he died. Putting your half in trust will protect your 50% from being used for any future care costs he has, or potentially going to a future spouse of his if he remarries.

I'd exclude the grandson, or at the very least you have to specify it includes any future grandchildren, so as to be fair. As you have one child each it would be a nice even split if it went to just them. If one DC goes on to have a huge family and the other has none, or just one, then there would be a massive imbalance in the split, which makes things messy. You could always specify a gift of £x,ooo to each grandchild if you want them to have something.

Twenty years interest only? 🚩
For the love of god consult a lawyer to ring fence your pre-marital assets. If he won't agree, essentially to a post-nup, thay's the second red flag. He sounds like a financial gong-show living a facade.

Rent after tax probably doesn’t exceed mortgage, management fees, gas safety certificate, insurance, maintenance etc.

We have a mortgage-free flat we let out. We make under £5k profit annually after all of the above. It really isn’t a money-spinner. We intend to move back in retirement, or we would sell it.

Because someone spent a £30k inheritance long before they met? Catch yourself on.

TBH, you say you're "good" with money, yet you have married a man who is not not your child's father, without becoming fully cognisant of his financials, or his inheritance plans for yournow blended family. That was foolish: your priority should be your child and retaining any financial advantage she had. It sounds like you have no will? If you die today, he gets everything. She gets nothing.

Sort it out ASAP. Write your will.

He doesn’t sound responsible with money and now he’s wanting to take away some of your son’s inheritance? Don’t get mixed up financially with this guy.

And maybe buying stuff for his son as well

This!

You have different approaches to money.

youve obviously discussed money management to have come to the decision to sell his house. I imagine you commented on his choice of mortgage at the time. understandable.

Perhaps he feels judged on his money management choices? Understandable.

as a result, perhaps you questioning him on his expenditure 15 years ago made him react defensively. Understandable.

it may turn out that he spent it on family expenses. Or a new bathroom for the house. Or a couple of lavish holidays. Or a car. Or flat whites every day. It’s none of your business and I imagine he’s feeling judged which is why he responded immaturely.

apologise for questioning him. Start again. But be aware that your spending styles are different.

his proposed inheritance split is unfair. But keep the two conversations separate.

my grandparents left me an inheritance. I don’t think it’s unusual.

Well, I suppose it’s none of your business, but he should be willing to talk about what he did with the money! Going to bed in a strop is a very odd reaction.

There are two issues here. Firstly I do think you're being unreasonable regarding the £30,000 considering it was before you guys got together. However I certainly don't think you should be expected to 'share' the inheritance 3 ways with him claiming two thirds!.
Also, what happens if your daughter gets into a relationship and she starts a family. Will he be happy to share with, say, 3 of your grandchildren. Serious conversations need to be had!

My Daughter will inherit funds I have of around £240k my partners daughter (we are getting married later this year) will inherit just over a million. He is much wealthier than me. We have our own properties, insurance and savings to pass on.

Why should he? It has absolutely nothing to do with her.

Absolutely nothing to do with you.

Maybe some people don't know how an interest only mortgage works, so fair enough to explain the obvious. @Booboomylove is there equity in 'his' house, or had he remortgaged every time he accrued some equity? Does he actually have any assets of his own?

Once again, he is planning on leaving 2/3 of the couple's joint assets to his son and grandson, leaving OP's DD with 1/3. There is nothing generous about that. He is not intending to leave any of his share of the joint assets to OP's DD. Indeed he is intending to strip the OP's DD of her fair share of their joint assets. I had to lol at asking him to sign a post-nup. He's a grifter. There's no chance he will do that.

The inheritance he received 15 years ago is none of your business, however, it seems like you have some other issues;

1. Hes not been paying off his mortgage which is pretty bad financial planning - what was he going to do when he retired?
2. Hes mad if he thinks his GC should get an equal part of inheritance as your child.
3. He doesn’t owe you an explanation about the inheritance but I’d find it weird he wouldn’t discuss it.

I would be more worried that he wants to leave 2/3 to his child and grandkid especially when you know he is terrible with money do likely you are contributing more to your overall financial position.
I wouldn't feel I needed to account for what I did with money 10 years before meeting my partner though

It’s not an unreasonable question. We all talk about lots of things to our partners that may not be ‘their business’, but we can talk about them like adults.

strooping off to bed is not a good reaction.

I don’t really understand your outrage. It was before he met you.

I agree that 30k spent years ago is not your business but I think it signals your concern that he may be hopeless with money as it wasn't used to pay down mortgage or a deposit. You need to get on the same page financially.