DH has just revealed that he has nothing to show from 30k inheritance

[Booboomylove]

My DH and I have been together for 5.5 years and married for just over 6 months. We both own our homes and he moved in with me after a year together. His house is currently rented out. I like to think that I’m quite good with money eg getting the best mortgage rate etc, however he has ‘owned’ his home since 2006 and only ever had an interest only mortgage, on a variable rate which has sky rocketed over the last few years. The house is now rented out which at least covers the mortgage and we are going to cut losses and sell.
Last night we were talking about inheritance as a blended family and he said he thought it would go 3 ways between his adult DS, my teenage DD and his DS’s son (age 8). I said no that’s not right, your grandson will get his inheritance via your son, I didn’t get anything directly from my grandparents, did you? DH said yes 15 years ago I got 30k from my Nan!
We have been together 5+ years and I didn’t know this, also we have always discussed how skint we’ve been in the past and it’s like a shared experience that we are respectful of.

Anyway, he is refusing to tell me what happened to the 30k, he says it’s none of my business whereas I think it is something I ought to know about him as his wife eg is he an absolute idiot with money? He’s gone to bed in a mood.

Dividing everything three ways isn’t “fair” unless he has twice as much money as you do. I’d expect “your” house to go to your DD and “his” to whoever he wanted to leave it to.
As for the £30,000 I don’t think it’s any of your business, but I also find it a bit odd that he refused to tell you, unless your tone came across as “disapproving” when you asked. Maybe you got his back up, even if you didn’t mean to.

I think youre getting a bit of an unfair hardntime. I think your real worry is that he has had an interest only mortgage which you assumed was his only option, but in actual fact it wasn't. So you are asking what was more important, which actially isnt the point. it is none of your business it raises massive red flags about money and I would be worried about money with him. The market is not good. What happens if he cant sell it for the overall mortgage which may happen. It's legitimate to be worried about that and I would be too, but rather than worrying about what he spent it on you need to think about how you will manage money going forwards.

I don't think it's your business as such, in that it was his money to spend in whatever way suited him at the time, but I wouldn't want to be married to someoen who woukdnt tell me it all went on cars and women or a dodgy investment etc. What it was spent on doesn't matter, that there ate secrets does.

If he wants to leave money to his GS, things need to be split 50/25/25, but you also need to consider how you're going to ensure that happens because if you leave your share to him first, your DD will get nothing.

I would be more worried about the fact that you are married to this spendthrift and he will likely be entitled to half your house and savings if you split.

In almost unrelated news, here is a thing that quite often happens.

Spouse A and Spouse B agree that the various offspring will be treated equally.

Spouse A predeceases and leaves everything to Spouse B.

Spouse B leaves everything to Family B (or sometimes to new Spouse C)

Family A get nothing,

You are shocked because you are just beginning to realise that you are utterly different when it comes to money and that is a fairly big realisation when you are married.

Honestly, I wouldn't have married someone who was on an interest only mortgage for 20 years (is that even possible?) because it would mean our attitude to money and security was so far apart it wouldn't have been fair to either of us.

He isn't "good" with money and is unlikely to change now. You have to decide what that will mean in your day to day lives and how it will affect your child (presume that child isn't with him?) and how you can live with it.

The inheritance wouldn’t bother me as that was a long time before you married. The fact he has a property with essentially no equity but is assuming your property will be inherited two thirds to his son and grandson and one third to your daughter would bother me. Make sure you make a will.

well that is what happens when you marry etc

30 K over 15 years is around £166 a month, £38 per week. Whilst I agree with you it would have made more sense for him to over pay the mortgage or invest if, given he didn’t do these things I can completely see how it just went on inconsequential things that he can’t now remember. Maybe he’s kicking himself about that now who knows.

Exactly.

Why are you worrying about what he did with the money all those years ago? He was young then and probably enjoyed it, why not.

I'm 76 and inherited £34,000 about ten years ago. I cannot remember where it went!

I think you are getting a hard time. It's not about the inheritance pet se, it's about his attitude to money, and the financial risk it brings to you and your daughter. In your shoes, I would keep finances separate.

Having said that, I can easily see how that money disappears over that time if you own a house. A few major fix ups and it's gone.

So what if it was? Most of us were young and stupid once, especially with money.

The inheritance is completely irrelevant. The main problem is that your husband is trying to disadvantage your daughter by leaving some of your half of your joint assets away from her. Get a will made as soon as possible and make sure this doesn't happen.

Hmm I think people are down playing this and if they were in the situation themselves they’d definitely be bothered.

I think the fact he’s got an interest only mortgage on top of the fact he inherited a huge chunk and has nothing to show would bother me.

Both things together scream bad with finances and I’d be wondering why and what else could he possibly be hiding.

At a tangent but if he has a house where the rent exceeds the mortgage, how is selling it "cutting your losses" ? Surely it is making you money, not losing it?

I think even though it was 10 years ago he could have said I spent it on such and such. He wont tell you where it went which to me is the worring part.

None of your business

1. Everybody does inheritance differently. DH inherited a substantial sum from his grandmother, I didn’t. Inheritance isn’t a “right”.
2. Money he inherited and spent years before he met you is nothing to do with you.

Lol at you "wanting to know" about his money situation 10 years before he even met you.

I would seriously rethink sharing home and finances with this man. Clearly not good with money and has plans for inheritance that will disadvantage your DD

I inherited £10k from a grandparents decades ago. I don't think that I've ever mentioned it to my husband but we've been married 28 years so who knows what we've discussed over the years.

I was over £20k in negative equity and the money would just have been sending good money after bad so spent it on things that made me happy.

You're concerned about money and that's sort of ok but all this should have been discussed before marriage. Whilst he's entitled to spend an inheritance especially one gained a decade before you met, anyway he likes the fact that he's faked a similar financial past to you is really unpleasant. He also has a house on interest only whereas yours is being paid for, had an inheritance that could have paid a good chunk of the mortgage off but frittered it away and now wants to take 2/3 of your common pot (which is actually your pot as he's shit with money) for his ds and dgs depriving your DD of her inheritance. This is why marriage should be seen as a business contract. Especially second marriages. Only marry when the finances are sorted and beneficial or neutral to both. I'd be seeing a solicitor pronto and trying to ring fenced my house tbh. If not actually divorcing him.

No you have to pay tax on the whole rent so it's covering the mortgage but probably not making a profit

Blimey, all the people saying you have no right to know because it was years before you met - well, yeah, you can’t ask him to show you an itemised breakdown. But it’s a red flag to me that he just won’t tell you? Surely “I spent some on a nice holiday, got a flat screen tv, paid for some car repairs” etc would be pretty normal? Not just stubborn silence, which suggests either he frittered it away on everyday stuff like takeaways and didn’t even know where it went or he spent it all on gambling or drugs or prostitutes and that’s why he doesn’t want to tell you