DH has just revealed that he has nothing to show from 30k inheritance

[Booboomylove]

My DH and I have been together for 5.5 years and married for just over 6 months. We both own our homes and he moved in with me after a year together. His house is currently rented out. I like to think that I’m quite good with money eg getting the best mortgage rate etc, however he has ‘owned’ his home since 2006 and only ever had an interest only mortgage, on a variable rate which has sky rocketed over the last few years. The house is now rented out which at least covers the mortgage and we are going to cut losses and sell.
Last night we were talking about inheritance as a blended family and he said he thought it would go 3 ways between his adult DS, my teenage DD and his DS’s son (age 8). I said no that’s not right, your grandson will get his inheritance via your son, I didn’t get anything directly from my grandparents, did you? DH said yes 15 years ago I got 30k from my Nan!
We have been together 5+ years and I didn’t know this, also we have always discussed how skint we’ve been in the past and it’s like a shared experience that we are respectful of.

Anyway, he is refusing to tell me what happened to the 30k, he says it’s none of my business whereas I think it is something I ought to know about him as his wife eg is he an absolute idiot with money? He’s gone to bed in a mood.

Shocked at the responses. You are a married couple, and his lack of transparency over your curiosity over what he did with £30K raises alarm bells.

My DH received an inheritance from his GPs when he was in his 20's. Long before he met me. He was very open in telling me about it and that he used it as a deposit on his home.

It's very odd that your DH is being cagey over it. It's also ICK inducing how shite he is with money, an interest-free mortgage for 20yrs, and never paid down the capital on it?

Finances are a huge factor in couples divorcing, it doesn't bode well that your DH refuses to be transparent, to the point of telling you it's "none of your business", what sort of marriage is this?

Yoûd expect him to justify how he spent it 15 years ago? Ten years before you met him? It’s 30 k not 300. Nice clothes restaurants holidays treating family it can get spent quickly anyway.

Yes absolutely. And would he be as keen for it to be split including grandkids if your daughter had 3 kids down the line, so it was split 2 thirds in favour of your side of the family I wonder!

But is inheritance and what he spent it on all those year ago is neither here nor there.

Why would he leave half his money to someone else's child?

She isn't asking him to justify how he spent it, she's just curious as to what happened to it. If you cannot share such information with the person you've married and have chosen to share the rest of your life with, then I would fear for the longevity of the marriage.

It’s half of their money. They are married.

@Booboomylove are you bringing more assets to the family, if he has no equity in his house?
Are you effectively giving half your estate to his DC, and he has little to share with yours?

But 30k is easy to let drift away over a few years. Pay off a credit card , buy new sofa tv dishwasher, play station computer for his son, maybe he just doesn’t remember what he did with it .

Yeah, sadly non of your business! It's a non-issue.

Leave your money to your dd and he leaves his to his ds

They are selling his house bought 20 years ago. Even on interest only there’ll be some equity in that Î’d imagine.

Not sure I'd expect him to justify it but I'd wonder why he didn't want to discuss it and my thoughts would go to drugs and gambling, especially if he got stroppy during a chat. £3,000 I wouldn't question, £30,000 I would as it could knock a nice chunk of mortgage off. Or fund an interesting year or two travelling which I would expect to have heard about. But I have known someone waste about that amount on drugs and then be skint for years so maybe my thoughts are skewed. (Not a partner).

Surely part of it was his deposit for the house.

but actually like others said its all long before he met you and not really your business

1. None of your business
2. I got money from my grandparents that I inherited as well as my lovely great uncle who had no children. Totally normal.

Why would you expect it? I don't expect to know what my romantic partner spent his money on before we met and I certainly don't expect him to expect me to divulge my financial past to him either.

Exactly.

If the OP's DD inherits from her grandparents, is she going to share it with her step siblings? I doubt it very much.

It’s half of their money. They are married
And he can leave his half to his blood relatives if that is what he wants to do.

You’re both weird. You for caring what he did with a lump sum 10 years before you met and him for weirdly saying it’s none of your business. He clearly thinks you’ll judge him for it. He’s not wrong tbf.

Is it possible he doesn't feel inclined to share that info with you because he knows you would be dramatic, judgemental or make him uncomfortable about it if he unwisely spent it?

Would you think less of him if he unwisely spent it? Would you have new worries about your financial future with him? If so, no wonder he is avoiding the conversation!

If he says, for example, a couple of great holidays and I shopped a lot, what would your reaction be?

You're obviously very different people when it comes to money which is the real issue here. How do you compromise and communicate despite that?

30 thousand 15 years ago. 2000 a year
Or maybe a car a couple of holidays going to events, nice clothes.
Possibly on a low wage and high mortgage just day to day spending.
He probably doesn't even remember.

Going by my past relationships I think it would have come up. Like my great-aunt left me about £1,000 in the late 80s and I spent it on an Open Uni course. That came up in conversation with my partners, as did things they did, like spending time wandering around Europe for a year or two after compensation for a motorbike crash. Also see my post after the one you quoted. I wouldn't quiz them or dump them, just start wondering.

If my husband demanded to know what I did with money I’d got a decade before I’d even met him I’d tell him to fuck off!

So… what is a spouse’s business? I mean you’re married so what are you allowed to ask your spouse? So weird.

If he said “I spent it all on trainers” or “I drank it all” that would be in the past and not something to get angry about, but why wouldn’t he just tell her then?

15 years ago and you’ve been together for 5? Yeah, none of your business. Also confused as to why you think he should cut his grandson out of his will effectively boosting your daughters (not his daughters) share? I’d be cutting my non biological child out before anyone else.

Because quite obviously he is expecting criticism from the OP (who seems overly interested in money spent decades ago).

Personally I’d get divorced now before he takes your house and everything else and also gets you in debt by being associated with him!

Absolutely this. The fact he's not divulgung what he did with it is neither here nor there.

The true issue is how your attitudes towards money don't match well.