To think it's going to take me collapsing through exhaustion for everyone to see how much Im doing at home

[achot]

Not a mytr.. if i don't do it then no one will.

I actually hope i do collapse through burn out then i might be taken seriously

What are you doing at home that’s driving you to this? Who else is there?

You won’t op. Our bodies are tough things, they will just keep going. What you need to do is ask for help here, it sounds like you’re really struggling.

Is everything you’re doing absolutely necessary? Have you told anyone else that they need to step up?

I just broke my leg.... Non weight bearing for 6 weeks, and the chickens have come home to roost mess wise... It's a shithole at comedy levels and I think they've all realized... Obvs I do not recommend my route to prove your point... All you can do is have the discussion (which I had tried to do before unsuccessfully) . I think the only thing that would work here is a chart of jobs on the wall but I have a chronically untidy H who will also not enforce anything so it will likely be all me again when I am better... Sorry to be the bearer of bad news but if you find the secret please do share.

Just stop. Just don’t fucking do it. Look after ur own stuff and fk the rest. Literally leave it. Don’t clean, cook or fix anything. See how long it takes to notice then. And once they notice don’t ever go back. If u don’t do this they will never change and never believe u mean it. Honestly get more respect for yourself and stop being the doormat. You will feel much better n yourself.

Why are you doing so much and how come you can't just stop doing some of it?

They see it, they just don’t care.

But what is it? What are you doing to that’s so out of this world?

I think you should’ve taken a bit longer and typed some more in your OP.

I went through a stage of working very hard and my husband essentially ran the house and took on all shopping, cooking, laundry and school admin. I didn’t realise how much he was doing because you don’t notice what works - only when there’s a mess or no dinner!

Unfortunately, the only person who can manage this is you. Take control. Talk to your partner and if old enough children. Ask for help. Divide tasks. Get a cleaner. Eliminate unnecessary things like ironing. Others in the house need to pull their weight - but also, you’ll need to step back and let them eg fold the washing their own way, otherwise they’ll get cross and tell you to just do it.

Good luck!

What are you doing? Why are you so exhausted?

Agree. You need to use your words and tell everyone what you need to happen OP. Draw up a rota or a plan to share the load. Just because you have a vagina it doesn't mean you have to do everything. I actually say that to my boys. They think I'm mental but you have to start young😂

When I hear a woman died from a heart attack or similar and people say it was ‘out of the blue’ or ‘a shock’ I always think ‘there were plenty of signs and a million times someone could have prevented her ending up as she did, but they were ignored, probably by the people who claimed to know and love her best’.

I think people could write a list of everything they do in a day, it go over a page and somebody would say ‘well you didn’t have to do that one’ or’why didn’t you just leave it as it was?’

What is it you are doing and what do you want others to do? Have you told them, clearly?

You need to just stop and go to bed exhausted and that’ll do the trick

YABU purely via drip feed!

Well work out what is essentiial to be done ie dishes and drop things like buying birthday presents for people just because it is the done thing for example to start with

If you don’t do it no one will. How and why has it got to this point

Why did you stay with a partner who is absolutely useless.

Why gave by your children been taught by both of you to ge active self sufficient members of the family unit?

You say if you don’t do it that no one will, I’m sure if you stopped washing his clothes your husband would soon learn how to use the washing machine.

Exactly. A few sentences doesn't really explain the issue. Whose in the house for example? What are you doing? And what's really going on?

Tell them no cooking until they start doing housework

Stop doing it.
Ask husband and children to step up.

It's just housework. Have a cup of tea and take a breath.

It's. Just. Housework.

Well, id like to say you need to pull everyone up, or nothing will change.
I took it for years. Looking back i recognise how bad it was. No one else cooked or cleaned in the house. I was expected to work, pay lions share of the bills, kids also pretty much all my responsibility.

I moaned for a few months, and left when i recognised I was going to have a mental breakdown if nothing changed.

2 years on, im coping just fine, i have respect from my ex, my eldest does chores and im happy but I had to command respect to get it, otherwise id have continued to just be the autonomous robot who was expected to just do it all.
Crazy to think how desperately unseen i was 3 years ago compared to now.please force the people around you to step up.

It can't be just housework, surely? I presume the OP wouldn't be talking about collapsing through burnout if that's all it was.

have you been on here recently? I am not saying this op is but posters who’ve spoke about the burnout of a SAHP… having to do drop off at 9. Then only 6 hrs till pick up…. How meant to do house work a food shop on only 35 hrs weekly…