To think it's going to take me collapsing through exhaustion for everyone to see how much Im doing at home

[achot]

Not a mytr.. if i don't do it then no one will.

I actually hope i do collapse through burn out then i might be taken seriously

As an add on you sound quite fastidious in your cleanliness which is fine if it’s not overwhelming you which it sounds like it is.
Huband and children should be expected to help but you do need to be aware that not everyone thinks your high standards are necessary so it could be the expectation is everyone puts their own dishes in the dishwasher and rubbish in the bin. Children keep or don’t their own rooms tidy, I’m not naturally a tidy person (have got better as I’ve got older) and I found it very stressful as a child being nagged to tidy up so mum left me to it on the proviso that all cups and plates made it to the kitchen and if I wanted any washing done it was put in the basket. Generally I got to a point the mess annoyed me so I tidied up!

You have a husband problem. It's that simple. Don't do anything for him. If he has no clean clothes etc then tough. He needs to do 50% of everything. And he ensures that your kids don't make a mess and learn to be tidy. They are taking their cue from him.

Listen, Joan of Arc, just tell them you're knackered, on the verge of collapse, and need a hand. You've got a tongue in your head, so use it.

God I wonder why she's never thought of that before.

Not a clue, sorry. You haven't said a word about what it is you're actually doing.

Is DH ND too? What was he like before you had the kids?

Click on “see all”.

What does your husband contribute to family life and the running of the household OP? If nothing then divorce as he is adding to your workload.

Who is creating the kitchen mess overnight?

Give each child a list of their own chores. I'm sure one of them can empty the bin weekly.

OP - this is absolute hell. Hell.

That’s all I can say. The children absolutely need to do more and with will you and your husband can push for that.

Your husband is a useless waste of space. I would have quiet quit this marriage.

The husband shouldn’t be expected to ‘help’ but to ‘do his share’

Language matters

Yeah I havn't read the full thread just wanted to say this first.

Here's a full tips that you might find useful

1. Get people in to do carpet cleaning - take your old carpet cleaner to the dump or sell it to make space. More space around you has a calming effect.
2. Get a window cleaner. Or buy one of those window cleaning robots. I bet your dh or kids would enjoy cleaning the windows if you had one of those but if not it make life much easier, as do robot hoovers and robot lawn mowers.
3. Paper plates for a few years.
4. Get carers for your parents. If they argue that they don't want carers explain to them that care is on a "needs" basis, not a "wants" basis. Nobody "wants" carers.

Thats all the practical advise I've got i'm afraid.

Good luck.

I was thinking of an occupation order…

And yes, she’d still have to do the housework and all the rest, but hopefully he’d have the children at least one day a week. Not to mention the relief of not having such a lazy good for nothing man cluttering up the place.

Currently he is a constant reminder of the fact that he doesn’t give a fuck and doesn’t care about her wellbeing.

I presume maths isn’t your strong point

Yes sorry that’s what I meant also.

theyre not given out lightly- it’s his house. Asking the law to force him out of a house he legally owns is a big ask.

and yes my friends was rejected after £17k legal fees despite their being abuse against her and her children

Fuck that shit. I'd leave home!

Absolutely language matters and currently she’s not ‘expecting’ him to do his share!

That’s really sad and unfair, @Backedoffhackedoff . Sometimes the law is just an ass…

But OP should still seek legal advice about getting divorced since the marriage is clearly dead as a dodo.

It's mad how someone who cleans their house ends up being called fastidious, which is a gateway to a husband saying he can't do it to her 'standards', a standard which is usually just 'properly' and not half-assed.

Tell your lazy twat of a husband that he needs to pull his weight or you’re leaving him and he’s keeping the kids in the week as you work longer hours. You’ve got to stand up for yourself.

If he’s too knackered to lift a finger after a normal day at work he needs to go to the doctor- this would be a medical concern. Assuming there is no medical issue, he’s quite simply taking the piss. And he does this because he gets away with it.

Your husband sounds absolutely fucking useless. They’re his kids too, why doesn’t he want to give them a nice house to live in, to have the food they’ll eat, to get them to their appointments? Have you asked him? Too tired? Oh well, he’ll just have to get the fuck on with what needs doing until it’s done and then he can have a little nap.

I would look into divorce, seriously. I doubt he’d respond to an ultimatum but you could give it a go and then follow through. I despise him and I don’t have to listen to him wang on about being too tired to clean the kitchen while you drive yourself inti the ground. Don’t you find that absolving himself of doing his equal part has eroded your love and respect for him?

Oh and it’s not fine to say you’re happy to live in a shit-hole with maggots just because you can’t be arsed to clean under any circumstances but especially not with kids. Not bleaching the toilet twice a day is a choice. Maggots are not.

💯 Op is literally talking about loading/ unloading the dishwasher and overflowing bins, yet people are focusing on the small things like carpet cleaning to accuse her of having high standards

But you are a martyr OP.
Cleaning your secondary age kids school shoes and getting their uniforms ready? Seriously?
Cajoling 10-15 year olds to get up for school? Set an alarm, with 1 reminder. If they don't get up, they'll be late, and have to deal with whatever punishment the school gives them.
Why do you have to be the one to put the bins out when you have 3 kids?
Why do you have to clean up the kids' mess? Presumably they get pocket money/treats - stop that until they stop behaving like entitled little shits.
Yes, you have a DH problem (I mean, you chose to marry the lazy fucker and it's up to you whether or not to stay married and put up with a few more decades of his shit) but you're creating 3 mini DHs.

I know this feeling. They NEVER notice. When you stop they notice but not in a good way. If I could magic myself back in time this is what I would do.

List all the jobs which need doing in the house. Sit down with husband and go through the list. Ask him how these jobs are going to be shared fairly between you both. If he is not willing to take any on you are going to need to outsource. Get a cleaner, he will need to be paying for this if he can't afford it then he needs to be doing at least half the cleaning. That is the only 2 options. There is no longer the third option of you doing everything. The same for other jobs. Outsource.

Also I did have to stop pressurising myself to have an immaculate house and perfect meals always from scratch. Because my mental health was more important.

Go on strike. Can you move to your parents for a week so don't have to live with the mess?