AIBU to ask my ex to contribute to school trip costs?

[Trustmeits]

My ex husband pays CMS each month it's around £600 a month based on his earnings. My son (13) has a school trip next year which cost £1200. I have asked ex to pay half as I assumed maintenance didn't cover extras like trips.
He has refused and said it was my choice to go to CMS and I will have to deal with it.

He was offering a private arrangement which was for less than half of what CMS said he should pay so I felt like I had no choice.

I know there is nothing I can do, just wondering if I was being unreasonable asking him for extra for a trip. I'm going to have to struggle to cover it by myself.

Where did you get that the dad has no wish to have a relationship - OP clearly said the son doesn't want to see the dad. The fact the dad sees the other son would suggest he isn't a deadbeat dad that wants nothing to do with his kids.
OP should be doing more to facilitate a relationship between them - he isn't abusive or she wouldn't allow her other son to see him

So it costs £1200 for one child - so £2400 a month for both - then add in the cost for the mum too - you are saying the cost for the basics for this family is between £3.5-5K a month?
Never earned that much and raised my 2 kids alone just fine - £600 a month for one would have been amazing - I got a tiny fraction of that for both (and no we didn't have 50/50 - he rarely showed up and never had them over night)

1200 is what I spent going to the Bahamas 5* resort last year ....what kinda school trip is 1200?

Wow that's a big presumption! He is abusive, DS2 is very much being manipulated, I can see it with my own eyes but it's hard when a child wants to see the best in their parent. The court didn't think it was enough for him to not have contact.

I have done absolutely everything I can to facilitate contact include doing joint activities for years which affected me but I did to try and help then rebuild.

This was really ever only supposed to be about child maintenance and if it should cover additional costs and if I should be asking or if he should be supporting extra.

I think the general consensus is he pays his CMS so that's all he is supposed to pay. I am well aware my DS1 is very fortunate and not everyone can do these trips.

You have presented evidence in court and he has 50/50 custody - if there was evidence of abuse then the court would at the very least have made it supervised visitation. Your younger son also knows not seeing his dad is an option as his brother doesn't, but still chooses to see him.

After saying he is abusive you then say you have done everything you can to facilitate contact with your oldest son - why, if he is actually abusive you should be happy he is not seeing him and putting your efforts into stopping contact with the youngest.

YANBU, and he's not either; except for framing his 'no' as a punishment for you claiming CMS.

But he isn’t being nasty here. I don’t know him and don’t actually usually jump to the defence of NRP’s because they can often be utterly selfish and shit. In this scenario though, he’s being kind of sensible. Those trips are a massive ripoff / luxury afforded by very few. They’re usually 3 days long and don’t include food. For the same price or less even you could go on a family holiday for a week.

If a father in a ‘together’ family says he can’t afford a school trip, then that’s ok, but a separated father can’t do the same without being criticised

The same principle applies to support whilst a univery

Exactly this.

I find it absolutely absurd that someone would say in one hand the man is abusive and in the other they try to facilitate said abusive person and are more than happy for an even younger child to live 50% with that abusive person.

I'm guessing it's probably skiing.

I should probably disclose that my own DH was asked for £700 towards a skiing trip for SD.

He said he was willing to contribute but also wanted to see SD making an attempt to contribute herself, as a skiing trip is a luxury. He offered to double every penny she could earn and we started off by offering her £10 an hour (which we then doubled) to "babysit" her 5 year old sister (i.e. keep her occupied but an adult was present) whilst we worked from home in the school holidays. She did it for half a day and then said she didn't want to anymore and we booked DD into holiday club.

Then she stayed overnight with my Mum and was offered her £10 to strip the bedding in the guest room (she runs a B & B from home) and 2 hours later she still hadn't so Mum did it herself and didn't offer her any more jobs. She refused to offer to wash neighbour's cars or mow lawns.

So she got £80 in total towards the trip. I don't think it's a good message to pay out for what is a very expensive holiday without them showing any inclination to work for it. And it's definitely not something I'd consider for a child who I didn't even see.

If only it was this easy..... I facilitated contact for maybe 8 months after we separated, I haven't for a while.

Younger son is starting to say he doesn't want to see Dad but it's much harder than you are making it out to be.

I'm really glad you have never had to deal with long term emotional abuse and coercive control.

To be fair £600 is a lot of money . Unless your son really uses £1200 a month on his needs any extra should be out aside for stuff as this , uniforms , extra stuff your son needs . If he was paying you £300 my reply would be very different but should be 50/50 and in this case it probably is

Now who is being presumptuous.

Just been through this except in reverse. Ex told the kids and signed up to three school trips for the two kids and wants me to pay half. Trips are approx £7900 and that's just the trips, not the thru will need for the trips ....

Splitting 50/50 puts me under significant financial pressure. When I add my CMS, wages, benefits, I still earn 15% of what he earns.

I contacted CMS to find out how CMS works/what it is to pay for. Was told it's basic day to day living expenses and they clearly said it's food clothing mortgage, heat, electricity, they were clear it doesn't cover school trips. They are not day to day living expenses..

I have agreed to pay 1/3 and I now need to set aside money each month for this and make sure that I can still pay my mortgage and utilities etc etc etc