AIBU to ask my ex to contribute to school trip costs?

[Trustmeits]

My ex husband pays CMS each month it's around £600 a month based on his earnings. My son (13) has a school trip next year which cost £1200. I have asked ex to pay half as I assumed maintenance didn't cover extras like trips.
He has refused and said it was my choice to go to CMS and I will have to deal with it.

He was offering a private arrangement which was for less than half of what CMS said he should pay so I felt like I had no choice.

I know there is nothing I can do, just wondering if I was being unreasonable asking him for extra for a trip. I'm going to have to struggle to cover it by myself.

Yanbu
your ex sounds like an arse
i would also talk to school as they could arrange a payment plan or other subsidy to help with the costs

You’re not being unreasonable to ask.

He’s also not being unreasonable to say no. Whilst in reality CMS doesn’t cover everything that’s how it’s labelled.

Also did you just ask him for £600 after your committed to the trip or was it more of Joe wants to go but I’d need £600? Maybe it didn’t land right!

That’s a vast amount of money! Loads of people won’t be able to afford it. It’s great that you can. Your ex might not have the money, he equally might think it’s not remotely worth it. You’re allowed to ask, he’s allowed to decline.

£1200 for a school trip?? That's more than I spend on my week's summer holiday, paying my own way as a well earning adult. Aside from whether he pays or not, that's insane!

I'd just say to ex that CMS obviously isn't going to cover school trips like this because of course not all children go on these sorts of trips every year. So the government calculation isn't going to include this sort of expense. Then tell him that if he doesn't want to contribute half then that is fine and you will let DS know that he can't go because he can't afford it.
Do not pay it all!

YANBU to ask but he doesn’t have to say yes as technically CMS is supposed to cover everything. Shit but true.

I only agree to kids trips like this is we can afford it and then take anything that my ex offers as a bonus. He gets all the school communication and my kids also tell him.

Not unreasonable to ask, and he's not unreasonable to decline.

Thats an awful lot of money. I think you should have (maybe you have tbf) sent him the details and explained your son wants to go and can he contribute BEFORE saying yes to the trip.

The majority of children can't go on these expensive trips (and £600 is still expensive!).

You are not unreasonable to ask your ex.
He is not unreasonable to refuse. He is BU to refuse if it's to spite you, but he may well just feel the £600 on a school trip is just not good use of money.

Surely you should have asked whether your ex whether he was able to contribute and not just ask straight out for half. He may simply not have that amount of money to spend. £1200 is a lot for a school trip and finances should have been considered before agreeing to the trip.

I don't think you can "ask him to pay half" if you make the decision that your son is going unilaterally.

It's an optional trip and an extra cost, if he wants his child to go, then he has to contribute to the cost.

Not unreasonable
but he’s not being outrageously unreasonable in sticking to the arrangement either

I did ask him before I said yes to the trip. I said have you seen the information about the trip DS would really like to go, are you able to contribute half.

I find it difficult as my DS (13) doesn't see him out of his choice but my other DS (11) does see him and he gets taken on weekends away, holidays etc... feels unfair he can't contribute to something extra for DS1.

And he said no
but you went ahead and booked anyway

The £600 a month - per child? Or both?

So that's why. DS13 doesn't want to see his dad so dad doesn't want to pay for anything extra.
I do think 1200£ is extreme. Is he in private school?

I booked it anyway as I am going to pay it myself, I just hoped he would want to contribute.

The £600 is only for DS1 I haven't claimed for DS2 as it's shared care.

He's not in private school now, it's a normal al high school in the UK.

Well presumably if your 13yo went to see his Dad he would also be involved in those weekends away etc. It's not directly comparable.

I can see though how it's a big cost now for 13yo and will likely thej be replicated to a similar cost in 2 yrs time when the 11yo is due to go on a similar trip.

It's just not feasible for everyone. My SS14 is 50/50 across his Mum & Dad's homes. No maintenence but there is a list of certain costs (sports, school etc) that are split. He had an extra curricular trip over Easter and my DH asked SS14 mum if she could contribute, she said no. We initially told SS he couldn't go because we couldn't afford it all. We did however scrimp and Dave and pay for it 100% including spending money but we definitely couldn't have done it if we had another child 2 or 3 years younger who might need a similar optional expense at that age.

£1200 won't be a school trip in the normal sense eg where everyone goes. It will be an optional extra such as a ski trip or trip abroad for languages, and lots of the kids won't be able to afford to go.

Try to refrain from not telling your son that his father is not contributing

Assuming there’s no abuse or genuine logistical issue as your younger son does 50/50, I think you and your older son would be unreasonable to expect him to contribute to nice extras for a child who doesn’t like him enough to see him.

Also assuming is ski trip.
why does ds13 not want to see his dad?
@Trustmeits if ex messages you and says can I get £600 for ds 11 will you pay it across?

YANBU to ask, but equally he is NBU to say no. I think it's ridiculous that CMS is meant to cover everything, when it's often a pittance. But there we are.

My dad paid for one of our 'big' school trips, on top on maintenance. There were charities that could help with others, don't know if there still are.

I think the fact that your son doesn't want to see his father tells us all we need to know. Dad is a wanker.

13 year olds are notoriously difficult but, clearly, dad has no wish to even try to have a relationship with him. If he thinks that £600 a month is half the cost of raising a child, he's also delusional.

YANBU but mine won’t either. Given up asking!

Even though he now has the kids for far fewer days than he was originally meant to, and pays less maintenance than our original court ordered amount.

It’s more than CMS minimum but only just!

Edit - I’ve taken him back to court twice to enforce maintenance when he’s stopped paying all together or slashed what he paid really low so I can’t be bothered again.

Ah yes because 13 year olds are the best judges of character ever, and never rebel against parents with boundaries or rules…