AIBU not to outright ban kids from playing with balls in garden, after neighbours complained

[MyKidsThrowFood]

I have 2 active boys age 6 & 4. We live in a Victorian terrace with a smallish garden. Both boys love a kick about. Recently our neighbours complained about too many balls ending up in their garden. I completely understand this. However, they said the kids should be forbidden from playing with balls in the garden entirely, which I avoided agreeing to. Instead we instituted a rule where the boys have to request a ball from us so they’re only playing with one ball at a time and it’s supervised.
The boys also apologised. The neighbours didn’t exactly accept the apology but were civil.
This was about a month ago. Since then there’s been one incident of a ball accidentally going over, which the boys apologised for. But now another has gone over. That’s 2 balls in month. Is this an unreasonable amount? Can they now reasonably insist on no playing with balls on the garden ever? My eldest became very tearful at the prospect as he loves football and is very active but the gardens are so small it seems impossible to prevent balls ever going over entirely.

You didn’t include that you only have a low wall in your OP. You need to put a proper fence on your side if they are going to play with balls unsupervised.

A low wall is no protection, you need a 6ft fence inside all your boundary or metal poles with netting.

I see both sides, but as someone who has just spent hundreds on new plants for my garden I would not like a football coming smashing into them no matter how rarely.

A ball flying over could easily hit a pet or a baby/toddler too.

It’s true you can do what you like I your own garden but that only applies to the extent that no one else is bothered by it. I’d get those nets up or otherwise only allow football in the garden if the child can make sure it won’t go over.

Bought this for my son - absolute game changer
https://amzn.eu/d/0fQQqpTk

If balls are going over the fence that often, your garden is too small to play ball games in. It is really selfish to expect other people to put up with balls randomly flying into their garden.

You haven't answered the questions about what damage are the balls doing.
If they have broken flowers on a few occasions, made someone feel unsafe that they are about to get a ball in the head such that they now avoid sitting outside, or landed in the middle of a table full of coffee cups then it is entirely reasonable for the neighbours to be annoyed. Even if it is 'just twice a month now' then it is still too much. It would be on you to keep your neighbours belonging's safe.
If the balls just land in the middle of a patch of grass then your neighbours are being miserable and you need to give the a cheery wave.

What comes around goes around. When we first lived here a young family moved in and we had balls coming over the fence. A few years later those kids had grown up and we had small children so the balls went the other way. Now ours are grown, the original neighbours moved and we had two lots of neighbour's children on either side so balls coming in both directions (sometimes not sure which garden to throw them back to). But they are all now older and we have DGC who play in our garden so balls are flying back the other way again (not very often as they don't live here of course). None of us have ever complained or refused to throw the balls back and as far as I know no humans, animals or plants have been injured.

Read what I said, it’s the attitude of this poster that would trigger my approach. A and I have no problem throwing it back once it’s punctured, so no theft.

My Jack Russel really enjoyed the gifts that came over the wall from the boys next door. Strangely they learned not to kick them over when they were being efficiently dispatched.

This.
Simple solution!!

that's your takeaway to my garden being ruined by the precious brats next door?

So glad i don'T live next to you

Make your fence higher. It's bloody annoying when large balls come over and break plants. The last ball over from my neighbour knocked my drinks glass over and made me jump out of my skin too.

I have a tiny garden and dont allow ball games because I dont want balls going into the neighbouring gardens. (Well I got some of those balls on a long string which work very well).

My kids still use thr garden- just for non ball playing!

Your neighbours are arseholes. It’s a very hard heart that is intolerant of children playing games

Is there more to it than just the ball landing in their garden? For example, could the ball have damaged their plants or is there constant banging of the ball against the fence that makes it difficult for them to enjoy their garden?

I talk as someone who has been affected by the above including a ball coming through my open door once and hitting my cat, and while I’ve never said anything as I’m fairly laid back and accept kids need to be kids, the above did result in a full scale stand off between my other neighbours and them recently after a brand new tree they’d just planted was destroyed.

I mean it is pathetic to complain if it is just a case of the odd ball landing in your garden but at the same time a ball landing in your garden can result in damage so maybe that’s the concern.

My neighbour and a friend had a day of deliberately throwing the ball into my garden and then calling over "excuse me, can you throw our ball back". I could see them standing on a bench in their garden and throwing it on purpose. After about the 5th time I said that's it, if it comes over again, you'll need to wait until tomorrow to get it back. Then we came in to get kids to bed. Just as my son was in bed, they rang the doorbell to ask for it back. I had a bit of a rant at them and told them not to come again as I was getting the baby to sleep.

Thankfully it didn't continue. If it had, I would have spoken to the parents and asked that they were the ones to ask for it back (so they could see how often it was happening and how annoying it was to be constantly interrupted!)

I can see both sides but if you have a low wall you may have to stop them playing until you can put up something higher.

The neighbour didn’t need to kick off although they would be justified in not returning the balls until they were prepared to.

I grew up in a Victorian house with a tiny garden and couldn’t play ball games because of that.

A simple google will help you. Two large poles can be 12 ft plus high - net between them.

Can either be pop up or stay up.

My takeaway was that you're probably exaggerating for effect but that is disingenuous in this context.

You need to be taking them to a park. Growing up in my mums garden the boy next door used to absolutely boot his balls against the fence. He broke numerous things in her garden and actually hit me in the face once with a ball. His parents refused to apologise and said it was an accident so my mum said any balls he kicks over she’s popping. I think she’s done about 10 over the years. If they’re kicking it so it goes over a fence they need to be in a park. It’s selfish to be hitting it constantly.

To those talking about the ‘low wall’. As I mentioned, It’s a low wall PLUS A FENCE bit added at the top to bring it up to the height of a standard garden fence.

They are a toddler and 6 yr old (both short and slight).

You said it wasn't a fence, but a trellis. Could that be any part of their worry - that the trellis could be damaged?

Anyway hope you can find a way forward.