AIBU not to outright ban kids from playing with balls in garden, after neighbours complained

[MyKidsThrowFood]

I have 2 active boys age 6 & 4. We live in a Victorian terrace with a smallish garden. Both boys love a kick about. Recently our neighbours complained about too many balls ending up in their garden. I completely understand this. However, they said the kids should be forbidden from playing with balls in the garden entirely, which I avoided agreeing to. Instead we instituted a rule where the boys have to request a ball from us so they’re only playing with one ball at a time and it’s supervised.
The boys also apologised. The neighbours didn’t exactly accept the apology but were civil.
This was about a month ago. Since then there’s been one incident of a ball accidentally going over, which the boys apologised for. But now another has gone over. That’s 2 balls in month. Is this an unreasonable amount? Can they now reasonably insist on no playing with balls on the garden ever? My eldest became very tearful at the prospect as he loves football and is very active but the gardens are so small it seems impossible to prevent balls ever going over entirely.

I think your neighbours are being unreasonable OP, don’t let them stop your boys from enjoying the garden.

I don’t think them playing should be named, but they do need to stop kicking the balls over. It’s not reasonable to have them going over so much. I wouldn’t be surprised if the neighbor just stops giving the ball back to them. I’d hate it if balls we’re coming into our garden as I have young DCs who play in the garden a lot and wouldn’t want them to be hit by balls coming over.

Twice a month I wouldn't care. Your neighbours can't enforce rules onto your boys. But you also can't force them to send balls back.

We sometimes get 3-4 balls a DAY in ours and it really annoys me as they tend to go straight into new plants (only place that gets sun, so need them there) or washing. I still send them back...

I'd put up trellis on top of the fence your side to stop the balls going over and 6 and 4 yo can play in the garden,have you got a goalpost that they aim for, they must be pretty strong to be able to kick a ball that high.

You need to do what you can to stop the balls from going over

yep, 3 boys next to me. We get balls over the hedge all freaking day and then 5 minutes later the doorbell goes. Or they try to climb into my garden.

I told them to stop climbing over or they will pay to repair the fence and replace (and plant) all the plants etc.

Then i told them that i would be available to return the balls on Thursdays only between 6 and 7 pm. Otherwise they would either stay there or i'd put them in my shed.

And lo. They managed not to kick balls into my garden, but i know they still play out with balls because i can see and hear them (that doesn't bother me)

Miserable sods. It nice hearing children play outside. Same people probably complain about kids on iPads. Let them play. It takes a second to throw a ball back over.

Of course your children can play whatever they want in your garden BUT, whether any of us think it is unreasonable or not. Your neighbours don't want your children's toys in their garden.
They are entitled to not have your children's balls going over their fence and into their garden.
I personally wouldn't care in the slightest and nor would my neighbours but, you have to respect other people's boundaries.

I think you made reasonable (brain fog so can’t remember word- is it concessions?!) for your neighbours. I get it though when you say something will never happen again and it does it’s awkward!!!

it takes, on average, 3 years of care and watering etc etc for a fruit bush to give up even a small amount of fruit. The boys next door to me ruined 3 fruit bushes, one in its 2nd year, but the others were in year 4 or 5. Little sods just laughed. So i kept their ball until their dad came round shouting the odds. So i asked him for money, for equivalent bushes, and told him he could have the ball back when he'd planted them.

To be fair he did get me some bushes, but it took ages to get fruit for jam, and i had to plant them myself because he is an arse i don't actually want in my garden.

We live next door to two (smallish) kids (and their parents!)

They play outside and balls/nerf bullets/tennis balls/those tiny but very bouncy balls (and once a shoe) come over on a regular basis

We just chuck em back over-it happens

However,I was a tiny bit alot pissed off when a ball came flying over so I gently chucked it back over and heard a very polite 'thank you' from one of the (very sweet) kids

I replied 'your welcome sweetheart' and went to go back in when I heard 'mummy!mummy!the old lady from next door threw my ball back!'

Im 48

Can you install some form of netting or higher fences?

Balls are just one of those things when you live next door to each other (as a child we had a neighbour who would burst them in front of us which didnt go down well for neighbourhood relationships)

It does get draining when its everytime you go outside but it takes seconds to lob it back

I’ve only recently moved to a semi detached, so don’t want to fall out with the neighbours, but…
I get perhaps 2 or 3 a day in my smallish garden. (Sometimes up to 5!). I really don’t mind that. But the boys next door are getting bigger now and they kick it really hard against the fence between my garden and theirs.
I had young children myself once so I’m ok with balls coming over, but the fence is starting to break…I have a large dog who will be in there in a second!

Park for football not a tiny garden

Swing ball fine

They are 4 and 6. Your neighbours have the right to a safe and peaceful to their garden.

Your boys can play but within the confines of their garden

If items are going over the fence then they shouldn’t be playing with them in the garden.

I don’t want my plants damaged or my greenhouse and I don’t want a ball lamping me in the back of the head either.

As pp said, put a net up.

It is not reasonable for any balls to go over if you can prevent it easily.

I have thought about this quite deeply because I have, until they grew out of it recently, a child/neighbour who played with a hard leather football in their 7m square garden which regularly used to come over and smash up my expensive plants.

Basically you are allowing your possessions to trespass on someone else's property and spoiling your neighbour's enjoyment of their own property, while excusing yourself because "it's kids having fun".

You are also showing your kids that their fun is more important than your neighbours boundary being respected, which will likely have a detrimental effect on their ability to become good citizens if they have already been shown it is ok to be inconsiderate as children.

I'd just throw them back but wouldn't appreciate them knocking to get them (but i had three little boys once upon a time so would be empathetic to mum😂).
Can i suggest you find them some new garden games such as French boules, skittles, hoops, soft floor darts or the target games that have sticky velcro balls, bubble guns etc so that they are less likely to send them over or at least lighten the amount going over for neighbourly relations.

How miserable. We have loads of balls come over, and I’m sure our kids will send them over in a few years too. I just throw them back. It’s hardly a big deal.

There is playing in the garden and there is annoying neighbours.

We have boys on both sides and had balls for the last 15 years. It did once became a bit of a nightmare as they also used a fence to play against it and the sound is utterly annoying when you sit outside and trying to have a conversation over a cup of tea.

So I wonder if it is more than just the balls going over a fence.

The problem is you’ve pissed them off so even one ball now will be a problem

We have kids and a not gigantic garden and all our neighbours are well accustomed to what that means. The neighbours at the back will never ever return anything and it’s a high stone fence so not easy to get over. Mostly we just accept they are gone forever. The neighbours on either side are happy for my kids to come retrieve them as the fences are short and we are friendly with them both. We would stop anything if it was super regular though - probably a couple times a month on average.

in your situation I’d get a net up. It’s only going to get worse as they get bigger and stronger.

So, @MyKidsThrowFood will you be putting a net up?

If not, why not?

Ignore them.

your kids are entitled to enjoy their garden and their childhood

Absolutely agree. Most gardens aren’t really suitable for ball games , due to proximity to neighbours 🤷🏻‍♀️ sadly.

It's absolutely ridiculous to suggest children should be banned from playing with balls in their own garden. Yes they will go over occasionally but it doesn't actually do your neighbour any harm at all for a ball to occasionally stray into their garden. Children playing is a normal part of life living in a residential area like yours and like most people do. They can move to a detached property that's totally isolated and surrounded by farmland, or they can put up with it.

However they don't have any obligation to return lost balls promptly or let children into their garden frequently to retrieve them so you should regard balls as semi-disposable, buy only cheap ones and on any given day if the ball is lost that's the end of that, no more ball games today. If you get the ball back that's a bonus, but assume you won't.

And where do you think the nearest safe, green space was? End of the road - two minute walk tops!