AIBU not to outright ban kids from playing with balls in garden, after neighbours complained

[MyKidsThrowFood]

I have 2 active boys age 6 & 4. We live in a Victorian terrace with a smallish garden. Both boys love a kick about. Recently our neighbours complained about too many balls ending up in their garden. I completely understand this. However, they said the kids should be forbidden from playing with balls in the garden entirely, which I avoided agreeing to. Instead we instituted a rule where the boys have to request a ball from us so they’re only playing with one ball at a time and it’s supervised.
The boys also apologised. The neighbours didn’t exactly accept the apology but were civil.
This was about a month ago. Since then there’s been one incident of a ball accidentally going over, which the boys apologised for. But now another has gone over. That’s 2 balls in month. Is this an unreasonable amount? Can they now reasonably insist on no playing with balls on the garden ever? My eldest became very tearful at the prospect as he loves football and is very active but the gardens are so small it seems impossible to prevent balls ever going over entirely.

Why not teach the children that the condition of having the ball in the garden is that it doesn't go over the fence?
They will learn to be careful if it's a condition of being able to play.

No. Your neighbours are morons. My neighbour is a (very fit) lady in her 80’s and she’s got no problems with chucking the boys balls back. One thing I did stop was using Nerf guns in the garden, not a single one remained with us!

You can't be looking after your fruit bushes very well if it takes three years for a small amount of fruit.

My blueberry took 18 months. Currants were 6 months from planting. Blackberry and raspberries the same. Jostaberry was a year.

OP, many have suggested netting (or a trellis attached to the top of your fence?) - you seem to have avoided answering. Might it help?

I don’t know. It wouldn’t bother me personally but my neighbour hit the roof about a couple of balls. Is it damaging something? Can you put netting up?

I'd be very cross if balls came into my garden. I spend a lot of time gardening and have lots of plants and would be pissed off if a neighbour's ball broke them. The balls wouldn't be given back.

I have a ( now adult) son as did my next door neighbours, but ball games in the garden were limited to gentle kicks. I had a swing, slide, climbing frame, swingball, sandpit in the garden so there was plenty of other stuff to do. Football was limited to the park and from when he was about 6 or 7 he would play football with other boys on a grassy area across the road without adult supervision.

It's called being a considerate neighbour, something which seems to be getting less common these days.

Obviously, they can't insist your kids don't play football, but I think you should try to do something to stop the balls from going over because they can damage plants, ornaments, and hurt animals or small children.

I've had so many plants trashed by balls coming over the fence over the years, and my friend's baby got hit in the face by one a couple of years ago, which was not great.

This is exactly what we’ve done! If a ball goes over accidentally, The boys don’t get another ball that day or until they’ve apologised. But we’ve decided not to ban forever as they’re only 4 and 6 so it seems very draconian.

For clarity, we do get other kids bits and bobs in our garden too, but just chuck it back. The neighbours have been clear they want an in- person apology from the kids. They are ex school teachers and that’s their style.

YANBU espeically if there are not concerns re pets etc.

This made me thankful for our neighbours tbh. When our son was born, they sent a card saying " We look forward to more footballs coming over the fence in a few years". The previous owner had 2 football crazy boys. (Obviously this is pretty stereotypical but the sentiment was nice!)

Terrace houses are close quarters and kids need to be able to enjoy their living space too!

Our neighbour climbed a tree last week to retrieve my son‘s cricket ball. Found it great he was active and outside.

Can you add netting to the fences to increase the height?

Could someone explain how the netting works? We have a trellis but it’s only about 6ft high so balls still go over if they ricochet. Would we need to install poles for the netting?

I think it would be "Fence post extenders" you would need.

Netting isn't great for birds though; they get tangled in it.

It’s tricky we don’t have a fence we have a low wall with a trellis to extend the height. But no fence with posts. So Not sure if netting would work? ( also neighbours may object to that - they are the sort who object to the shape of our trees and the shadows they cast on their side etc etc)

I am surprised at the amount of people saying it's fine, no problem. Your ndn, however, do not. You have to do whatever to prevent this happening in future.

I'd go for the netting if you can. Then no balls going over, no apologies needed and the kids can play to their heart's content. You don't need permission from neighbours for a temporary net

We have multiple footballs a day from next door and then we'll get ping pong balls when they run out of footballs/get bored. We do throw them back carefully but that's almost the part that frustrates me the most, why should I be expected to take care not to hit anyone/damage anything when the balls smash into my garden willy nilly?

We throw them back because I don't want the neighbours coming round (mostly because I work shifts at all times of the day and night so it would disrupt my sleep) but after so many in a day we stop.

I'd love a greenhouse and to take down the conifers that shade that side of the garden but I don't dare.

You’d only put the netting up during ball time.

On like extendable poles. Bit like flag poles.

Not sure why you have to take care throwing the ball back as they didn’t take care kicking it over

That's a bummer because on standard fences it looks like an easy and unobtrusive fix!

You can get free standing ones. (Of course that wouldn't be the prettiest to look at, but as long as it wasn't blocking their light I think they shouldn't have a problem and be grateful you solved the ball problem!)

Either netting, higher fences or one of these perhaps -

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Football-Dribbling-High-Strength-Auxiliary-Development/dp/B0GRPZ2Q9T?source=ps-sl-shoppingads-lpcontext&ref_=fplfs&psc=1&smid=A2Y4I62J9IJ58V

IMO, your neighbours are being petty.

Perfect solution!!! And at that price they could have one each…….sorted.
And please don’t make your boys apologise for being kids, having fun and loving the outdoors!
Your neighbours are entitled knobs!

Dear God, why do people need to dramatise this? Obviously they can throw the ball back when they're ready, so long as the kids aren't pestering them or doing it deliberately I don't see an issue.

We used to throw the balls back when our neighbours had little kids and we didn't. Now we have kids but theirs are adults, and they chuck the balls back to us. In another 5 years ours will have grown out of it, and I look forward to seeing their grandchildren doing the same thing... Surely people can let themselves see the joy in these things...?

The neighbour can throw the balls back when they get a chance. That’s how we do it in our street.

Kids play with balls, sometimes they go over the fence.
Life's too short to worry about this stuff, I don't see your kids have done anything wrong.
Our neighbours' kids seem to have an endless supply of balls, so if they knock one over, they just use a different one until I notice and throw them back over, I think the record is 4.

If they're in the garden when I throw them back, I get a 'Thank You' from the other side of the fence. Once they brought me a box of chocolates to apologise for the balls and thank me for throwing them back..

I'd hate to be the like the miserable old bags from my childhood that wouldn't give the ball back or threatened to stab it with a knife !

We went out for the day, a few years ago now, got home to a note from the (previous) neighbour to say her three year old had thought it a good idea to throw his shoes over the fence, could she please have them back