AIBU not to outright ban kids from playing with balls in garden, after neighbours complained

[MyKidsThrowFood]

I have 2 active boys age 6 & 4. We live in a Victorian terrace with a smallish garden. Both boys love a kick about. Recently our neighbours complained about too many balls ending up in their garden. I completely understand this. However, they said the kids should be forbidden from playing with balls in the garden entirely, which I avoided agreeing to. Instead we instituted a rule where the boys have to request a ball from us so they’re only playing with one ball at a time and it’s supervised.
The boys also apologised. The neighbours didn’t exactly accept the apology but were civil.
This was about a month ago. Since then there’s been one incident of a ball accidentally going over, which the boys apologised for. But now another has gone over. That’s 2 balls in month. Is this an unreasonable amount? Can they now reasonably insist on no playing with balls on the garden ever? My eldest became very tearful at the prospect as he loves football and is very active but the gardens are so small it seems impossible to prevent balls ever going over entirely.

Why are some posters response if the children can't play football in their garden the only alternative is them inside glued to a screen? There are other games they can play

And other places they can play football!

YANBU to believe kids should be able to play in their own garden.

They are not BU in not wanting their prized plants bashed by a ball.

The onus is on you to stop that happening

I would encourage other types of play in a small garden. They can kick in the park and play other games at home, at least most of the time. If they must kick the ball at home, I'd put up some netting, as suggested by others.

The solution which I arrived at, although the balls stopped before I could put into practice was going to be that I asked mum or dad to collect the ball.
That, I expected would inconvenience them as much as I had been.

Sounds like you've put in all reasonable steps to control it, OP.

Our neighbours on one side have three boys on one side and the neighbours on the other side had two, we had two DDs who also played football and god knows what else in the garden so there were always balls flying about! We'd just round them up and chuck them over periodically, and I used to leave the gate open so the lads could get their ball at one point.

Wow your neighbours are mean!

Why can’t they just throw the balls back if they spot them, that’s what normal people do and to not accept their apology is extra mean!

Let the kids carry on playing, it’s only a ball xx

I don’t mind the ‘occasional’ ball if it’s soft and doesn’t do any damage, but our new neighbours son’s balls come over multiple times a day. I came back from a weekend away and there were 7 balls in the garden. He then came round to ask for them back which prompted me to say look, the occasional one fair enough but this is too much. The first few times the boy was round ringing the bell interrupting me in meetings and then back again 10 mins later. I said to the dad I don’t want them damaging plants, hitting my washing when it’s hanging out, but, our very very real concern is my DH is recovering from a very serious accident and we REALLY don’t want him to get hit by one of these multiple balls. He said he would get them to ‘tone it down’. The boy also kicks the ball against the fence or a wall - annoyingly loud and repetitive. We should be able to enjoy our garden without fear of getting hit by a football. They also park like selfish twats too permanently taking up the visitor’s spot between our two houses when they have a four car car port, but that’s obviously a whole other thread requiring a diagram!

Why can't they just give a friendly wave and throw the ball back?

Couldn’t agree more.

Your neighbours are entitled to their privacy and peaceful enjoyment of their own garden, and if your kids are constantly making noise kicking a ball around, and balls are flying over the fence and damaging plants or potentially hitting pets or people, YABU.

The noise alone would drive me nuts, tbh. That said, your neighbours cannot insist your kids never play with a ball in your garden, that's fully unreasonable.

However, you do need to respect their boundaries and teach your kids to respect their boundaries too. We have a neighbour whose kids do some kind of noisy activity in the garden every afternoon in the summer, but they clearly limit it to 30 mins a day which I appreciate so much - their kids still get to enjoy whatever the noisy activity is, but it's not for an unreasonably annoying duration of time for everyone else. Could you maybe have set time for ball kicking in the garden, then find other activities for the boys to do outside that don't involve kicking a ball? Swingball, toss & catch ball sets, badminton etc?

My neighbour tells her dc they can only ask for their ball back once a day, this is reasonable (I’ll throw it back if i notice but they are only allowed to knock once a day)

Neighbours sound like miserable buggers!

Two balls a month is nothing - your garden is got you and your family to enjoy

All the neighbours have ever needed to do is throw the balls (carefully) back over the fence, as I used to do when my next door neighbours' boys were playing. Ignore these unpleasant people. With luck, they'll move house.

I voted YABU for giving your neighbours the time of day. They are being ridiculous. Let your kids play.

Ball noise is annoying. But it is also a shared neighbourhood and your space. I suppose if I was you id be thinking "if its annoying them, how would I feel if they did something equally annoying like playing offensive music everything my kids played outside?"

I think you could both do a bit of give and take- maybe find something else for them to do in the garden some of the time? Chalk, watering, hopscotch, skipping, scooting, croquet, giant jenga, pddling pool? There's loads they can do that can't get into their garden.

I'm in the miserable bugger club then as fucking footballs made my a misery in summer - healthy pubescent boys repeatedly booting a football off a fence is LOUD, they'd kick them over constantly and then sure enough two minutes later my doorbell would go when I was in the middle of work.
Or right in my front garden with balls hitting my car.
The parents were bordering on bovine in their obliviousness.

I took MN advice and moved to the middle of a field.

It does quite a lot of harm if it hits someone in the face while they're having a quiet doze in a sun-chair, knocks over something made of glass on a patio which young kids might then step on, or hits a small pet. It also does quite expensive damage if it hits delicate plants which cost the owner £££ to buy and raise.

What's wrong with raising children to be considerate?

I am also in a Victorian terrace. Kids playing with footballs is a pita, they come over, smash plants (esp young plants this time of year) and also bang really loudly against fences. I hear the bangs on the fence while indoors and all my doors and windows shut, same with excitable screaming while playing. The garden is my favourite room in the house but the only time I can sit in it with any peace is gone 10pm.

Totally get the neighbours frustration and totally get that your own children should enjoy their own garden too. Is there a way you can keep it short? So it doesn't go on for hours? And take them out more of course.

I must admit, things are different from my youth. I am one of 4 and if any of us in the garden made too much noise we were all brought in because my parents had regard for the neighbours enjoyment of their own gardens too. Same for my partners childhood.

OP, you are going above and beyond what you need to do. 2 balls in a month is nothing. I get far more than that. I don’t care. I just throw them back. No problem.

If their garden is small as well, I understand why they don't like being under a constant threat of being hit by the ball. It's hard to relax that way.

Could you use some extension net on the fence to make sure the ball stays in your garden? You will need it for future as well, because they will get stronger soon.

I don't think it's a question of whether of not they are unreasonable people.

There are many reasons they might not want the balls.
As a gardener, I can see you wouldn't want plants ruined or damage to pots, greenhouses, fish ponds etc.

It would also be valid if someone found the balls unpleasantly startling when trying to relax in the garden, or be worried about a pet.

A good compromise is to do what you can to avoid balls ever going over their fence - not a ban on balls in the garden altogether. Netting, teaching the kids to aim in one direction for a goal and not to bother their garden.

If your neighbours are elderly, are they worried about being hit themselves? Would be very sad if they were not going outside whilst your sons are playing, due to fear of being hurt. Maybe that’s why they’ve mentioned it. It’s not just that it’s hitting their plants. They are likely worried about being hit ?

I think whatever you do it is a problem that is likely to go away soon, as if they are going to be serious about football, then they may soon be joining a club or going to the park, and will need more space. Some things you could think about: reflex balls, a type of ball used in goalkeeper skills, you bounce it and it bounces randomly, you practice catching or stopping the ball. A lot of fun, and it doesn't go far. Professional clubs also practice with a sort of ball on a string, have had to buy a few for my footballer son over the years, they are pretty good too, but am not sure what they are called. Or a rebounder, which help direct their balls away from the neighbours. But tbh I dont think 2 balls in a month is bad.

Glad I don't live next door to you, you know you're allowing your kids to annoy people and doing nothing about it