AIBU not to outright ban kids from playing with balls in garden, after neighbours complained

[MyKidsThrowFood]

I have 2 active boys age 6 & 4. We live in a Victorian terrace with a smallish garden. Both boys love a kick about. Recently our neighbours complained about too many balls ending up in their garden. I completely understand this. However, they said the kids should be forbidden from playing with balls in the garden entirely, which I avoided agreeing to. Instead we instituted a rule where the boys have to request a ball from us so they’re only playing with one ball at a time and it’s supervised.
The boys also apologised. The neighbours didn’t exactly accept the apology but were civil.
This was about a month ago. Since then there’s been one incident of a ball accidentally going over, which the boys apologised for. But now another has gone over. That’s 2 balls in month. Is this an unreasonable amount? Can they now reasonably insist on no playing with balls on the garden ever? My eldest became very tearful at the prospect as he loves football and is very active but the gardens are so small it seems impossible to prevent balls ever going over entirely.

Having lived next to balls coming over frequently I have sympathy with your neighbours. I used to know when they came home from school and literally started thinking, I better not phone mum, go to the loo, you name it. Because I knew there would, soon, be a tap on the door. And that it would happen again. And again.
I was at the point of saying, mum or dad have to come round to pick up the ball so it would be annoying to them when it stopped.
Your neighbours will be wondering if, in the summer two balls a month becomes more frequent.
I nearly had one land in my cup on the patio once. It is a nuisance.
I wouldn’t mind we have a playing field nearby. And they have a large field at the back of the garden they could play in.
As children we never played ball in a modest sized garden. We went to the park to play.

Your neighbours can't demand you ban your children from playing ball games in your private garden. But it's unreasonable to kind of wash your hands of the problem by saying you're busy, so the boys have to play in the garden. Balls shouldn't be going over the fence so regularly. If the boys can't control the balls, then it's fair to say the only place they can play those sort of games is in the park, and ask them to find another activity to do. It's hard living in such close proximity to neighbours, but everyone's got to do their best to rub along, so whilst I think your neighbours are being unreasonable to claim your kids shouldn't play ball games at all, you are also being unreasonable to allow them to play the type of games where they regularly fail to keep the ball in your own garden.

Op, in your opening post you describe your garden and smallish then so small, how big are the gardens and how high are the fences. Do the balls go into anyone else's garden.

Two balls in a month is fine. It only takes a minute to throw it back over. If the neighbours are just, the boys will just have to wait, which I’m sure you’re fine with.

I’m going against the grain here it seems but it’s not acceptable for balls to be going into a neighbours garden. Plants and animals might get damaged/hit. They have every right to protect their property.
I know people don’t care about anything other than kids having fun nowadays but we should try and be respectful to others. One ball going over is an accident, any more is unacceptable. Can you put a high net up on the fence? Your children should be able to enjoy your garden, but you need to try and keep balls from going over.

I was in my garden as a baby with parents and was hit by a ball coming over the fence.

I'd raise your fence in some way as a good will gesture. However your neighbour cannot (by law) interfere with your child's right to play. It's legally protected by human rights law and is applicable in domestic settings.

My ndn are forever kicking balls into my garden, I just throw them back over - no big deal. They'll often just open the gate and lift them or if it's locked they just wait until I'm home. It's not something your ndn is being reasonable about.

I'd tell them that you'll remind them to keep the ball low but that they need to understand sometimes accidents will happen and as long as they aren't being loud or kicking a ball repeatedly at a wall then they have the right to play in their own garden.

They are completely unreasonable to say no balls sports altogether….. but…. How about a net like a giant cat enclosure…. If they love their garden I can understand why they would be annoyed so you need to work out how to stop the ball from going over but not stopping them playing

Your neighbours sound very miserable. Your children have a right to play, of course they do. You sound like you’ve been very reasonable and respectful and your neighbours should be grateful of that!

It sounds like you’re being considerate, so there’s not much more you could do. It’s unreasonable to stop them altogether.

it would only bother me if their balls were breaking plants in our garden.

What kind of garden roaming pets do you have that would be killed by a 6 yr old kicking a ball? If they are so fragile maybe that’s on the owner to keep them safe indoors away from the 2 monthly chances of being smashed to smithereens by a football.

A guinea pig, rabbit or tortoise could be harmed quite badly if a ball hit them.

Our neighbour on one side used to burst any balls that landed in her garden.

She didn't like us generally though.

I have been on both sides of this and do understand how annoying and damaging flying balls can be.

We compromised by only allowing the light balls (yes too bouncy) and the goal went up against the fence that had no neighbours, just dead ground - which required quite a long trek round the houses to go and get it back.

Once they were past 7/8 they had to go to the park across the road though - which was pretty much in sight if I went to the end of the drive.

Playing in the garden, absolutely normal and shouldn't be banned. However you need to look into some netting or a higher fence.
My (then) 18 month old was knocked on her arse into a planter a few years back by a rogue flying football. She had cuts and bruises and I was FURIOUS and yelled bloody murder over the fence in the moment. However, I wouldn't dream of banning them playing.
We do now have a beautiful selection of balls However and I've never had to by my DC one 🤣🤣🤣

.i guess your cats don't enjoy sitting out in the sunshine then, or that you ever have visitors, garden furniture or plants that can all get damaged..

Small gardens and football don’t mix. Can you take the kids to the park?

Humans too

Buy them badminton racquets.

Look for sponge footballs (some shops or maybe internet): No noise no damage.

My DH was always the one to kick/throw balls that landed next door! The rule was whoever last kicked/threw ball had to go and ask for it back! We all had a great laugh hearing him next door!

I wouldn’t ban them from playing with the ball entirely I would tell them only low passes, dribbling etc and no big flying kicks. With the proviso that if they can’t follow those rules then the ball will get banned entirely in the garden .

I think it's ok if they go over and you just wait for them to be returned, but less ok if next door are getting knocks on the door every single time, as that would disturb them.

Your kids can do whatever they want in their own garden! If the balls go over and don’t come back that an accepted risk. But your neighbours do not have the right to tell anyone what they are or aren’t allowed to do in their own garden.

I’ve lived next to some truly awful people, drunks and abusers who caused criminal damage, your neighbours are lucky it’s just small children playing footy.

I think in the last three days we’ve had about 5. It’s sunny, I’m just happy the kids are outside having fun. It’s a football not a bloody bomb.

We have a dog and lovely neighbours with children playing ball all the time. Our dog (border) unfortunately punctures balls and he is much faster getting at the ball than me. After our neighbours realised our dog positively waits for their balls to land in our garden, yelping with excitement when they commence their play, they let our common fence grow above 6ft. I felt so sorry for our dog, so I tried to play with him, with a football, in our garden. Though he enjoyed it, it never gave him the same excitement as our neighbours' balls.

this absolutely. I have got a tortoise that wanders around the garden and could be badly hurt by a football. Luckily the children next to me are lovely, as are their parents, and once I had pointed this out, the football issue pretty much stopped.
Is there no local park or green space for them to play football in? Some gardens are just too small. I don't think your neighbours can insist but are you sure you want to make enemies of neighbours? If the fence belongs to you, I'd suggest adding a net to keep the footballs within your own garden if there is nowhere else for them to play. To add (and yes I have my tin hat on) that trampolines and footballs hitting fences are two of the most annoying garden noises in the entire world. You haven't said, but if the fence doesn't belong to you and the football frequently hits it, then they will absolutley be entitled to require you to stop allowing damage to their fence.

Just thought - how do your boys retrieve the balls? Jumping over the fence? Or knocking on doors? That could play a part in their response.