What number?

[coulditbeme2323]

Following on from a discussion with a friend in real life.

What figure would you check with your husband/wife before spending?

Obviously this is going to vary on stage of life, earnings etc etc.

Anything over £600 out the joint account that isn’t a bill (they go out automatically) must be discussed. That’s our rule. Right now since I paid the house deposit the joint account is basically all his earnings while I use mine to recoup my savings. He’s never said no to be buying anything though and I won’t lie I’ve got a few frivolous things.

We each have a personal account with our personal "pocket money", and a joint account with everything else.
I wouldn't check with DH about spending my personal money on something that only affected me, but for spending joint money, I'd probably check with him on non-routine purchases over roughly £50.
If it's something necessary that we've already discussed, eg buying kids school uniform for £100, I wouldn't check though, so I guess it's kind of a "soft" boundary.

What I meant was whether you discuss your finances. Otherwise yes.

I’d only discuss it if it posed a financial risk. Obviously that amount would vary for different couples. For us, it would be near 100k to seek consent.

That's huge!

Why do you keep mentioning the law around marriage? If two people are living together in a partnership, married or not, it is up to them how they manage their individual or joint finances day to day. Why should someone have to run it past their husband what they spend from their own bank accounts as long as they are paying their share of bills? They are adults with autonomy.

This post reads less about bills and more that you’re trying to push what you view as the superiority of marriage on to others and how people should be beholden to their husband’s wishes and demands. Weird.

It doesn't really affect finances though on a day to day basis, it's only if/when a married couple divorce that financial claims can be made. If your finances are separate they can remain separate after marriage. There's no law that forces you to have joint accounts if married. I've had joint finances when not married.

Probably £150, although I do generally warn DH if I am going to be buying a load of family/friend birthday/x'mas presents in one month. We tend to get massive hits in August and obviously December so I just tell him. We only buy x'mas for the children in my family. Joint cc is what I put it on, we pay it off every month.

It’s 2026, this shouldn’t even be a consideration.

That's a different matter though isn't it.

I’m married, everything is jointly owned and in one account. I’d ’check’ as in mention, he would just ask ‘can we afford it?’ (he knows full well we can, easily) for anything over about £100-150. No reason really, we’ve been married 20+ years though and used to have (a lot) less money so possibly habits have stuck…

Of course we'd talk about what type of car etc but that's all we wouldn't ask for permission. But I don't see a car as a personal purchase we'd treat it like buying a new carpet or decorating the house etc. personal purchases like jewellery, spend on our hobbies, shoes , clothes , mobile phone , laptop etc are not discussed

I will be honest, that's just alien to me.

I can't imagine him coming home and saying "look at this 80K AP I got at lunchtime" or me saying "Oh I popped out to get some milk today and there was a lovely 100k diamond ring I got, do you like it?"

The criteria for discussion for us isn't really based on a value, it is based on the nature of the purchase. If it is a joint thing, say a car, something for the home or a holiday, we discuss. If it is a holiday I am taking with my friends, no, I don't check it with DH first. I know if we/I can afford it or not and only spend what is affordable.

We have separate finances and a very similar attitude to saving and spending so mostly no discussion is needed. If I'm buying something from my own savings and it doesn't impact any household expenses then I'd just buy it.

We discuss things if it affects the other person. For example, I generally take the lead planning holidays but I wouldn't book anything unless we were both happy with the cost. I wouldn't go out and buy anything that would impact our joint life - like a dog for example - without discussing it.

Not in our case - we both earn a decent amount, pay 50% each of the bills, and do what we like with the rest. Married 15 years, no DCs. We discuss joint purchases, holidays and stuff for the house, but for clothes, hobby stuff, cars etc we both please ourselves, other than one might ask the other do we like whatever it is, is it a good idea to buy it, would you buy it if you were me etc.

I know the law mostly treats all assets as joint on divorce, but there isn't any law saying how it has to work while you're married!

And that's the difference OP - many married couples share living expenses, but keep the rest of their money separate.

Unmarried couples may do the same.

Others, like you and your DH, choose to pool all of their money. None of it is his or yours, it's all 'ours'.

It's got nothing to do with being married or not, it's just how couples agree to organise their finances.

We have separate finances and joint finances so I don’t generally check in with him. If I was buying something over about £300 for the house from the joint account then I’d probably discuss. If it’s coming from my account and I can afford it, then I wouldn’t consult.

You're cherry picking very expensive items here - an £80k car, a £100k diamond ring. Not many people can EVER afford to buy those things!

What about everyday items - say, a new pair of shoes you wanted. Would you run that by your DH?

Depends what it is. Something just for myself, I wouldn't necessarily discuss it. A holiday or something significant for the house we'd discuss.
We're married and have a savings account that neither of us would touch without letting the other one know. Both have our salary going into our own accounts so no discussions needed on personal spends.

No of course I wouldn't, that was really the whole point of this thread to understand thresholds.

We have our own bank accounts. I never run anything by my husband if spending my own money.

Same. I’ve never checked a purchase with mine in 26 years of marriage and I don’t intend to start now.

Well there's the difference.

My husband isn't the sole earner, we make the same money and until 6 months ago we shared a car.

I independently bought it without consulting him beyond "I've seen this car I want to buy for 2k because I want to make more journeys when you have the car for work. if it checks out I'll be bringing it home".

The bills are paid, I can afford my share of the joint bills, we are working towards the same goals (holidays and retirement age) so why not? We're both financially responsible and ge trusts my judgement, same as I trust his.

What's the law got to do with it if a couple living together decide to buy a sofa together, It's the same if it was a married couple. 🤔
Some peeps would still chainsaw in it half if they split up or divorced to get their share.