To be a bit upset about this at a toddler session?

[myfavouritedinosaur]

I take my two year old to a toddler group - it isn’t stay and play, it’s a structured session with a group leader. I’ve been going for four years (two children) so I know the group leader fairly well.

It was a new venue yesterday and the toilets were next to the room we were in. My DD had a runny nose so I went to get her a tissue and the door to the main room closed after me. It locked and you needed a code to get in. I was knocking on the door for ages but no one could hear me. It was the end of the session before people started leaving and I could get back in! Anyway, the group leader didn’t say a word, was just packing away.

I do get that it wasn’t her fault but surely she should have realised I’d been gone for a while? And show some concern? I also feel it’s her session, surely some responsibility to manage the building / warn people about the doors etc. I just feel a bit upset my two year old was on her own for a fair chunk of the session and no one seemed to notice or care I’d vanished.

Nothing faux about it, I can assure you. You said surely I’d washed my hands and flashed the toilet; neither of which were necessary as I just tore some toilet roll off a strip 🤷‍♀️

i cant believe you're not gonna go back because you locked yourself out for a few minutes so the owner watched your kid instead of coming to bang on the toilet door and insist you return immediately 🙄

If it isn’t stay and play then why would she be keeping a watch out for you. Clearly you went to the toilet and could have had 101 personal issues. Did you think she should leave a bunch of 2yo to come looking for you? And instead of letting her know what happened you kept quiet and ‘shaking’ on here? How is it going to help anyone if you don’t say anything??

The session leader wasn’t responsible for the children but I do think it’s strange that she didn’t notice a child in her session was without a parent for 15 minutes. Especially if the child was upset surely that would have been obvious. If it had happened to me my 2 year old would have been screaming for me at the door. You’re not unreasonable to be upset. I wouldn’t be keen to go back.

I don’t think she should be ‘keeping a watch’ but there is a difference between keeping tabs on someone and noticing someone has vanished behind a door that locks with a code and perhaps putting two and two together 😂

By the way - I’m not shaking. I wasn’t shaking at the time and I’m not now. Not sure I appreciate the attempt to paint me as a hysterical female when I was perfectly calm at the time and remained so today. I just feel a bit miffed. I don’t think I’ll be going back but I may just do the final two sessions as I’ve paid for them anyway (block booking.)

Maybe try the last couple of the block then reevaluate?

You didn't sound hysterical at all btw, so ignore those who are accusing you of over (or under) reacting, some people just like to put the boot in.

You used the word ‘shaken’ so don’t lie about that. You also seem a bit overdramatic for wanting to leave. She doesn’t need to thank you for coming. Why would she?

So you don’t expect any sort of acknowledgement, any sort of thanks for coming or nice to see tou, see you next week? We obviously have different standards of manners.

I said I was a bit shaken to be honest. I felt like an idiot, my DD was upset and I was unsettled by it all I think most people would feel that if they were unable to get somewhere their two year old was. It doesn’t mean I’m feeling it now.

There are some very confrontational posts here.

Thanks. I do really appreciate that.

DD was quiet but not visibly upset when I went back in but I didn’t know that. I didn’t know if she was crying, distressed, looking for me. It was horrible. OK, maybe that’s an overreaction, but it just was.

The issue people have is that you are not taking any responsibility at all when you were the one who left the room where your toddler was and you didn’t even tell anyone. Then you are upset at the person running the activity for not coming to look for you and for not thanking you when to her you just got up and walked out. You didn’t say anything when leaving and you didn’t say anything when you came back but you still want her to take the blame.

I think it is simply one of those I was there cases. It wasn’t unreasonable to effectively nip to the back of the room to get a tissue. What is grating is that it’s been repeatedly (over a number of years) marketed as a welcoming group which prides itself on knowing people as individuals and then this happens and when I eventually get back in the room I don’t even get so much as a glance in my direction.

I’ve repeatedly said I don’t think she should have come to look for me. All that needed to happen was for someone to open the door, literally.

Any mother who cannot get to her very young child is going to be upset.

It doesn't matter how this occurs - it's a primeval instinct for a mother to be beside her young.

It's not the back of the room though, it's through the door. I find it bizarre that you would go through a door where you are no longer visible to your child and not tell anyone where it why you are going.

I actually was on the other side of this the other day, mum left her child sitting on the mat next to me, child started crying and I felt like I was responsible but had no idea where she had gone (turned out it was the toilet but again I don't know why she wouldn't have said rather than just disappeared).

Really unreasonable to go out of sight without telling anyone if you leave your child. If you can't bear to say anything, take your child with you.

I'd also argue that if you can't hear someone knocking o ntbe door for entry, it's a safety risk if there's an incident in the space outside of the room and they need you to evacuate.

I'm not surprised you're upset op, and it's crazy that your 2 yo was alone for that long and no one thought to be concerned something had happened, that your 2 yo was sat alone upset and no one cared or noticed. I couldn't imagine sitting in a toddler session listening to an upset toddler and not thinking to intervene

How many people are in the group? It’s really weird that she didn’t notice or question that an upset child was missing her parent for a whole 15 minutes

You sound quite self centred if I am honest.

op did you know any of the other mums/dads?
why didn’t you just say oh nipping out to get some tissues please watch x?
I only did this once in a group class I needed to wee desperately and my little one was so happy playing I felt bad to take her with me so I asked one of the other mums! She was kind enough to help out.

sorry you didn’t feel valued and hope your little girl feels better soon. Do not leave home without tissues, hand sanitizer and hand wipes again!

This is a complete nothing burger and it’s wonderful that you have no real problems in your life.
Being ‘upset’ is not a get out of jail free card for every little inconvenience.