To be a bit upset about this at a toddler session?

[myfavouritedinosaur]

I take my two year old to a toddler group - it isn’t stay and play, it’s a structured session with a group leader. I’ve been going for four years (two children) so I know the group leader fairly well.

It was a new venue yesterday and the toilets were next to the room we were in. My DD had a runny nose so I went to get her a tissue and the door to the main room closed after me. It locked and you needed a code to get in. I was knocking on the door for ages but no one could hear me. It was the end of the session before people started leaving and I could get back in! Anyway, the group leader didn’t say a word, was just packing away.

I do get that it wasn’t her fault but surely she should have realised I’d been gone for a while? And show some concern? I also feel it’s her session, surely some responsibility to manage the building / warn people about the doors etc. I just feel a bit upset my two year old was on her own for a fair chunk of the session and no one seemed to notice or care I’d vanished.

Strange, that no one realised. But it's a non-event. Mention it to the person running the course and bring extra tissues next time.

It’s not unreasonable to have been upset at the time that it happened - as in you missed some of the session with your child. But, unless they were distressed by your absence, it is unreasonable to blame others for not noticing etc they have their own children and the group leader is running the session. .

Annoying - yes. Now you know you need a code to get back in.
It depends what kind of session it was. Some play groups my DC didn't need me at all
If your DC got distressed, I am sure someone would have raised concerns.

The teacher was probably getting her bearings of the place as well so her attention could have been elsewhere. Raise it with her next time you see her.

I don’t blame the others but I do think the group leader should have realised that a child was unattended. She’s known me for four years now, she knows I don’t just leave the session (and is against t and cs anyway.) I mean dramatically I could have collapsed or something … and while dd was safe in a physical sense she was confused and upset. It just made me feel like I wasn’t important and neither was my child. I wouldn’t have minded if she’d said ‘oh god sorry didn’t realise as was busy with X’ but the fact I was completely ignored when I eventually got back in to my child just made me feel confused and unsettled.

This group prides itself on its welcoming vibe too which I haven’t really found but certainly didn’t yesterday!

How long is “ages”?

Just over fifteen minutes.

Did you speak to her after and ask her to warn other parents about the door situation? She isn’t there to monitor children so YABU saying she should have noticed.

So why didn't you raise it at the time?
You know her, she's in new premises, maybe with new members and she needs to know that the door locks behind you when you go to the loo.
There were quite a few 'new' aspects to this class so I am sure that will have played a part in it.

Did the group leader know you were out there all that time? (If someone else let you in she might not have known you’d been gone). Maybe that’s why she didn’t say anything. If she definitely did know then yes, weird and unreasonable that she didn’t say sorry or even mention it. I’d let it go now though.

Sorry, for some reason imagining this whole situation is making me laugh quite a lot! 🤣

Its pretty bad this happened. 15 minutes is a long time to be stuck knocking and trying to get back into anywhere!

I do think there should be a note on the door warning people that they will be locked out if it fully closes, and I would raise it with leaders how to prevent this happening to someone else moving forwards

I do think though, that if your lo had been upset, someone would have noticed you were not there and gone looking for you. I don't think you should be upset your absence wasn't noted... presumably everyone was busy and not alerted to the fact you weren't there.

I don’t think it’s the leader’s job to track every single parent during this session, their focus is on the children which is right. Unless they deliberately ignored your knocking (assume its a heavy duty door and they couldn’t hear the knocking) then they haven’t done anything wrong, it was just a teething problem from the new venue.

Did you actually tell her at the end and now know the code?

Did you not mention you were going grabbing tissues??

Who even goes out without tissues?

Anyway nothing i could get worked up with.

She was getting ready for the session after ours and I didn’t get the impression she was up for some feedback. I didn’t even get a thanks for coming this week which is kind of the minimum I’d expect thinking about it.

@Waitingforthesunnydays I’m not lacking a sense of humour but I’m not getting the joke. It made me feel foolish and humiliated and my two year old was upset and confused. Which of those things are ‘making you laugh quite a lot’? Actually don’t answer, I think I know

She isn’t there to monitor children but I do think there’s a responsibility there. DD is my responsibility but she couldn’t be as I couldn’t get in.

We’re booked on for the term but I really don’t want to go back. I’ll see how I feel next week.

@myfavouritedinosauryes this is so odd. I also have a 2 year old and go to similar groups. I can’t imagine the teacher not noticing if my DS was left alone for 15 minutes…I mean it is totally fine to pop for a tissue but not to leave them alone so you’d think she’d notice for that reason alone. And our teacher would DEFINITELY be super nice and apologetic if this did happen and she realised after. It can be bizarrely distressing to be locked out too! Anyone who attends a group like this would know it is very bizarre. But if you’ve known her for 4 years and she’s always been great then I’d probably try to forget it as a blip or else say something in a fairly lighthearted way about being locked out. Don’t let it ruin the group for you x

And while it was a new venue to me, she chose it, she has been before, it is her responsibility ultimately to know these things.

I don’t mind at all some things being overlooked; I do mind being stuck on a corridor outside a room for over quarter of an hour.

Thanks @Janefx40 , it was just really peculiar.

The baby group was coming after us and they couldn’t get in either as it transpires the doors to outside also lock after being closed and you need a code to get back in. So she did know … you couldn’t not really!

She isn’t there to monitor children but I do think there’s a responsibility there. DD is my responsibility but she couldn’t be as I couldn’t get in.

You should have taken her with you. Weird you didnt since her runny nose was why you left the room.

I would be really upset too - it must have been really distressing to have been locked away from your 2 yr old.

Being charitable to the group leader - maybe it seemed like one of the other mums was watching your child and you were having "issues" in the loo or something? If your child was completely unattended then it does seem crazy that no one noticed for 15 minutes. I do think you should speak to her and explain the what happened and the door situation.

All of these locked doors sound like a fire risk to me! I assume it’s easy to get out?

It would have been weirder to take her with me. The toilets were next to the room, literally expected it to be a five second job. I had no idea the door would lock me out and if I had would have expected someone to have heard me knocking.

When you said it was 15 minutes you're definitely not wrong that it was bad. I think message her and let her know what happened. Keep it factual and as unemotional as possible. Ask what the protocol is if someone has to leave the room and how do they get back in. Puts the onus on her to find a solution without blaming anyone and hopefully she will make an announcement at the start of the next session so everyone is aware. What was the health and safety briefing like in the new venue?

This is the advised building status for groups with children now after the terrible Southport attack.

Easy to get out but not to get back in again!

To be honest, I do get that sometimes these things happen - it was the complete not arsed attitude that was a bit upsetting. In a group that insists on social media you’ll be welcomed and so on to have your disappearance unnoticed is a bit unnerving! And it did make me think - well, what if something had happened; what if I had collapsed or something serious?

DD was all clingy for the rest of the day so it did upset her and it takes her a while to warm up to new settings and places anyway.

I disagree, i am a childminder and would always take a child with me. As you said, they arent anyone else's responsibility and surely you needed to flush the tissue and wash your hands?

The tissue was for the OP's child and why would you flush it instead of putting it in the bin once used?